Transcendental moonshine
by metal-mako-dragon
Summary: One year on, life goes on without Capell, except in the memories of those that fought with him. But will his return bring more truths to light than he'd ever expected? Edward/Capell.
1. But the Moon came slowly up

Disclaimer: I do not own Infinite Undiscovery, although I would love to own that many pretty boys (seriously, nearly all the boys are pretty in this game, I was amazed).

Notes: There seriously isn't enough Infinite Undiscovery fiction out there. I've been meaning to write this for months now, and have only finally clicked on how I was going to write it. Okay, enough about that!

**Chapter 1**

**But the Moon came slowly up in all her gentle glory**

He didn't notice the darkness at first. Only Vic lighting the candle on his desk pulled Edward from his daydream, well considering the darkness _night_dream would be more accurate he supposed. He blinked at the lambent glare the flame cast on the piles of paperwork covering every inch of the dark wood. Vaguely he summoned some concern at the thought of the whole lot being set alight, but then remembered that he would probably be the happier for it. He swore he actually felt Vic's stare before looking up to see it. Concern: it wasn't exactly what he was looking for.

"What is it brat?" Edward asked, the insult holding no conviction.  
"Sitting here in the dark worrying about your work?" the concern disappeared so quickly that Ed couldn't tell if it had been a trick of the light in the first place, "You really are getting old, old man."  
"Wandering the castle at night attending to old men?" he said back with a flippant hand gesture, "you really are turning into an old maid, old maid."

That set Vic's hackles up. Good, Ed thought, easier to deal with misplaced anger than gods be damned _sympathy_. He couldn't deal with that, not today.

"Huh, maid eh? I might as well be! If it wasn't for me it wouldn't be just the desk covered in stacks of paper, it would be this whole damn office! Yeah, ask the regular Joe Burguss on the street and he's all praises for King Edward, yadda yadda, they don't even know my name but without me this whole region would fall to pieces because you wouldn't be able to find your damn _socks_ in the morning! If it wasn't for me..."  
"Right, _alright_, I get the point," Edward groused half-heartedly, "you're the life and soul of this governmental body, we can't live without you, stop talking already."

Vic's boyish features twisted into a silent rage. Then, just as suddenly, the anger disintegrated and was replaced by a resigned expression. He threw up his hands and sighed harshly.

"You would think that I'd be used to this by now," Vic muttered, looking back to Edward before continuing, "and why the hell are you sitting here is the dark anyway? Didn't your mother ever teach you how to use matches?"  
"Very funny," Edward said acidly, prying himself out of his chair and cracking his stiff joints, "you should have been a court jester."  
"Now who's the comedian," Vic said sullenly, rolling his eyes, "you should go to bed, it's past eleven."

Even though it was practically pitch black Vic's revelation still took Edward by surprise. The last time he had taken any notice of the clock it had been half past seven. He had just finished reading the annual meteorological report from Doctor Zahra and her team of boffins and, thoroughly exhausted by two hours of painful science lingo, he had decided to take a break. Ed laced his fingers together and pulled his hands over his head, wincing as his joints continued to pop and crack. Some break that turned out to be.

"You're right," Ed finally acquiesced, "and so should you, aren't you getting up early for your trip?"  
"Ah, I'm young," Vic smiled smugly, "I can get up early without having had seven hours of sleep, unlike some."  
"Don't push it kid," Ed said in his best deadpan.

He escorted Vic back to his room since there was only one candle between them. The night duty guards snapped to attention from their leisurely positions against the wall, obviously not expecting their King to be out inspecting this late. He waved their rigid postures away, telling them to relax. He still wasn't used to the reactions people had to his presence now, it still unnerved him after a year as Ruler of Burgusstadt. It was the kind of response Lord Sigmund had always generated in anyone he met, instant respect, adoration, devotion. In a traitorous part of his mind Edward still couldn't accept that he deserved any of those things.

After all, he'd let Capell die to save them all, hadn't he?

And I'm stopping that train of thought right there, Ed thought numbly.

Bed had never felt so good. The covers were cool and fresh smelling from the night air and he wrapped himself in them gratefully. With the candle extinguished he realised that the moon must have come out as a silvery light began to creep over the bookcases, the tables and the chairs. He propped himself up on his forearm and watched through the window as the full white plate of the moon, so far away, so seemingly small and insignificant, drifted from behind a cloud. Even as the warmth he'd generated under the covers began to disappear he couldn't stop looking. The scar on his left hand, where he'd received the Lunaglyph that had nearly killed him, itched and tingled. Edward scratched it absently.

So much for not thinking about it, he thought resignedly.

He relit the candle and the moonlight faded from the room. The book was easy to find, even in the dull glow of the candle, because he'd picked it out so many times before. Ed swore that he could probably do it in the dark. Three down, fifteen along, tall, thick and black: _An Account of the Heroic Deeds of The Liberator Vol. I_. Eugene had begun writing it a couple of months after the liberation of the moon, he'd said it was his way of saying goodbye. Edward remembered nodding in understanding when Eugene had said it but at the same time wondering how he could ever bear to say goodbye. Edward knew he hadn't. He still had Sigmund's portrait hanging in his office, practically looking over his shoulder, watching over him. Sometimes he even spoke to it, when he knew that no-one was listening.

The book was so well used it even fell open at the correct page now. It was the chapter detailing Sigmund's first daring and heroic fight against the Dreadknight Leonid. Not that it fell open at that page because Edward had read it so many times, he didn't need to, he had been there after all. No, it was because of the picture that he kept there; he didn't know why he kept it in that chapter, it probably had no significance at all, it had just been the first page to fall open and Edward had stuffed the picture in as quickly as possible before stashing it away on his bookshelf. He hated looking at it, almost as much as he cherished it above everything else he owned. It was in pencil, just simple lines and shading, so how could it have captured the moment so perfectly? He'd known that Michelle loved to draw, she didn't hide it, but all she did was draw Sigmund whenever the chance presented itself. So imagine Edward's surprise, when resting in the Piera Marshlands before their big push to the Palace she'd pulled him aside and put this piece of parchment delicately into his hands. He would never admit it now but he'd actually blushed, not because of the content of the picture, it was actually rather innocent, but more because Michelle had said, by way of explanation, "I just thought you looked so happy together". Ed had stammered and become indignant, asking her what exactly that was supposed to mean, but she'd only smiled.

"There are few moments of happiness for the likes of us," she'd said, "I thought it was only right to capture one of them. Show it to Capell too, hmm?"

He never had. At the time he'd thought it was because it was embarrassing, but the longer he'd kept it and the more he'd thought about it, it became clear that it was because it was his alone, something he could keep of his time with Capell. Michelle hadn't told him when she'd drawn it, though he remembered the time that the picture depicted. It was their last night in Kolton before heading to Castle Valette and spirits had been low. Edward had said his piece against it but Kristopher had gone ahead and bought the case of Kolton Brandy anyway and everyone had taken a glass, even Edward after a little persuasion. He remembered saying with surprise how sweet it tasted and Aya had told him that it was flavoured with honey. Vic had thrown a strop because Aya hadn't allowed him any, but Capell had finally won over and let Vic have half a glass. Despite the alcohol, the mood had remained sombre, silent and unbearably tense until, on his third glass, Edward had looked down at an empty bottle on the floor and said (what Eugene still described as) the Immortal Line 'So, Truth or Dare?". After a moment of dead silence hysterics had ensued. Not having meant it in a humorous way Edward was confused for a whole twenty seconds before his drink addled brain caught up with the ridiculousness of his statement and he too had dissolved into laughter. Capell had ended up grasping Edwards shoulder just to stay upright and not spill his drink.

And had led to the birth of the picture. Edward wondered if Michelle had a photographic memory, because it looked like it would have been a pretty near perfect representation of the moment. Capell, mouth open in laughter, hand clutching Edwards blue jacket, staring straight at Edward who was staring back, mouth sporting a large grin and his hand holding an empty glass. There wasn't much to it, just some lines, just some shading, but it was oh so much more than that.

The candle chose that moment to go out. The moonlight flooded the room once more, casting an eerie glow over the picture now only just discernable in the darkness.

"Happy birthday," he whispered to the shadows.

Edward wiped away the stray tear on his cheek, replaced the picture in the book and the book in the bookshelf. Once the moon had been liberated it had slowly begun to drift away into the sky. There had actually been widespread panic, people thought that it might not stop, that it might just keep going on forever out into the dark sky and fade away. Then, after months of heated discussions and rushed meetings, it had stopped. No one really knew why or how, but it had stopped it's journey and now rose and fell just as the sun did, giving the world a completely new lunar pattern, one that was similar to the pattern it had before it was chained to earth but now reversed. So now, on January the twenty sixth at eleven twenty five the moon was as full and bright as it would be that month, instead of in the last stages of a lunar eclipse. The irony did not escape him. He wondered what Capell would have said, but decided not to dwell on it for too long. He had to get some sleep after all.

Despite his resolution, in the pale moons glow sleep did not come easily.

NB: The title is taken from Charles Dickens '_Barnaby Rudge_'.

AN: Please review and let me know what you think. Sorry to anyone who was waiting for me to update any of my other fics but this came to me in a flash of inspiration and I had to get it down (sorry if there are any glaring mistakes, this was written quickly! Please point them out if you see any so I can correct them). Oh and I just made Capell's birthday up so if there is an official date, sorry, but I couldn't find it so I made my own!

Maiko


	2. And the Sun Followed After

Disclaimer: I do not own Infinite Undiscovery. Damn. Broad

**Chapter 2**

**And the sun followed after**

For all his indispensible scientific knowledge Kiriya really was one of the prickliest people Edward had ever dealt with. Beneath his ethereal beauty lay a sarcastic, caustic, flippant individual who practically forced whoever he was dealing with to drag information from him. Of course he also liked to show off his know-how, but seemed to enjoy torturing people more. Thus the meeting that should have only taken an hour and a half was now up to two hours and twenty minutes with no sign of stopping.

"It might be true," Kiriya said with a flick of his blonde hair, "but then again your findings could be based on nothing but conjecture."  
"I'm sorry," Doctor Zahra sounded anything but, her glasses glinting in the sunshine filtering in through the large stained glass windows, "but my evidence is not 'conjecture', it is fact."

The tone of the entire meeting could pretty much be summed up by these two lines of dialogue. Ever since the moon has reset its orbit around the earth the scientific colleges and academies around the world had instantly started recording the effects of the change in the lunar cycle. It was times like those, when Edward was still taking his baby steps in learning how to rule a country, that he was glad the scientific community had enough gumption to act on its own. The significance of the moons cycle wasn't something that would have initially occurred to him, and besides he was too busy calming down a hysterical nation who thought the end of the world had been signalled by the demise of the Aristos. Now, a year on, they were _still_ debating the long term effects on the weather, the climate, sea currents, air currents, marine life, animal migratory routes and many, many more riveting topics. Edward would be the first to admit that science really wasn't his strong point and that, generally, it sent him to sleep when talked about at length but this wasn't something he'd thought would be a problem when taking up the kingship.

Now, sitting in front of the Head of the Academy for Meteorological Study in Burgusstadt, the Dean of the College for the study of Zoology in Kolton, the Headmaster of the Royal Research Body for the study of Marine life in Halgita and Kiriya, appointed consultant of Flora and Fauna for the purpose of tracking and dealing with the changes, Edward was trying not to fall asleep.

"You cannot be serious," Kiriya drawled, "you mean to tell me that _this_ is what you call evidence? A mishmash of barely related topics with one loosely inferred link between them? I refuse to understand your logic."  
"Which is what you have been doing the entire meeting!" Dr Zahra exclaimed, finally losing her temper; Edward had to hand it to her she'd lasted longer than ever would have.

Usually at these meetings Edward was happy to just sit back, listen as well as he could and allow the scientists to conduct the flow of the debate. However, when Kiriya had started coming that had all changed. Now he was forced to adjudicate before bloodshed occurred. The Dean and the Headmaster were looking distinctly uncomfortable and kept flashing sideways glances at him. Edward sighed, realising he no longer had any choice but to intervene.

"Alright, I think that we've discussed this topic enough," he said as authoritatively as he could, trying not to quail as two sets of irate eyes rounded on him at his interruption.  
"With all due respect your highness," Edward always marvelled at the fact that people generally insulted or disobeyed him after saying these words and he was sure Dr Zahra would be no exception, "but we most certainly have not."  
"I agree," Kiriya smirked, obviously already thinking up another two hours worth of overly intelligent, antagonistic diatribe; Edward groaned internally at the thought.  
"Well I don't," Edward said firmly, "there are other matters that I must attend to and, as interesting and important as this topic is, there are others just as important."

Unfortunately for Edward, Kiriya was as sharp as he was beautiful. He looked slyly at Edward out of the corner of his eye.

"Oh?" he said, looking away to inspect his nails, "and what 'topic' would that be Edward?"  
"I know what the topic we're discussing is, thank you Kiriya," Edward said tightly, hoping he'd covered up the fact that he'd lost track of their argument half an hour ago; only the fact that they'd fought side by side to save the world allowed Kiriya leeway to be antagonistic, and to be one of the few privileged enough to call him Edward in public anymore, "I think we should wrap it up here."

Kiriya had, for once, decided to behave. The meeting dispersed and Edward did his best to do some damage control once Kiriya had retired to his room. Dr Zahra could be rather feisty after their meetings and Edward did not appreciate extending this overly long meeting by dealing with the fallout of Kiriya's overly sharp tongue.

Finally, well after two o'clock, Edward managed to steal some time to himself to have lunch. He took it in his chambers, away from everyone else, just glad to be able to eat in peace and quiet. Usually he went for a walk around the ramparts after lunch if he had time, but it was snowing today, just another of the things Edward had to become accustomed to living here.

Burgusstadt had taken a lot of getting used to. Edward was a small town boy, the village he'd grown up in held only three hundred and eighteen residents. So passing through Burgusstadt, easy, staying in Burgusstadt, doable but still unnerving, ruling over the country of Burgusstadt and thus being obliged to stay in its far-too-large palace with a thousand hallways that all looked the same, initially terrifying. He'd become so sick of getting lost that he'd actually taken to carrying a map with him, and in all honesty he couldn't really tell which was more embarrassing: constantly asking guards for directions or standing in the middle of the hallway letting the guards watch him intently study the map of his own palace.

Still, after he'd become used to the palace and the weather and the responsibility, he had to admit that he was enjoying himself. Other than Eugene constantly visiting just to introduce him to princesses he'd happened to bring with him for purely diplomatic reasons or drop hints that Kings usually looked for Queens to rule with, he was quite comfortable with his role. His friends visited when they could, the constant stream of work kept him busy and, at night, at least his bed was comfortable if not warmed by another.

Edward looked around his office in dismay when he entered it at three; he had been ready to get rid of those financial reports he'd been putting off and to finish reading and signing the proposal for the renovation of the sewers and the expansion of the waterworks system. That was if he could _find_ any of them. Picking up papers from the tops of piles around his feet in a vain attempt to recognise the reports he had in mind, Edward regretted letting Vic go on vacation. The girl who was covering for him while he was away was sweet, good natured and pleasant on the eye but when it came to sorting out Edwards never ending stream of disorganisation, well, he produced it faster than she could sort it. After checking the seventh pile Edward gave up and slumped into his chair. Maybe he should really start helping by not just piling things randomly on any given floor space. He'd become so used to Vic's uncanny ability to sort and file in record time that he'd never really made any effort. Perhaps today was a good day to start.

Just as he was contemplating getting up and beginning with the pile nearest the door a timid knock sounded from the glossy brown side door beside the bookcases on the far right wall. Edward sighed and sat up straight.

"Enter."

The door swung slowly open to reveal Vic's replacement, Lila, holding an envelope to her chest and looking just as shy as she had two days ago when she'd started dealing with his affairs. He smiled, trying to make it friendly and encouraging, but this only seemed to make Lila blush and swallow, hiding her face behind her long fall of dark hair. Edward sighed inside; nothing put this girl at ease.

"What is it Lila?" he asked.  
"Oh, forgive me," she said starting, "a courier brought this letter for you, your highness."  
"Please Lila, you don't have to keep addressing me as your highness," Edward said as the girl approached, handed him the letter and then curtseyed; Edward was so used to Vic treating him like a normal person that he was taking badly with that normalcy being replaced with more formality.  
"Sorry, your...um..." Lila stalled, not sure what to say, hand going to her mouth.  
"Just Edward is fine," he said, "honestly, I'll thank you for it."  
"Oh, alright," she swallowed as if preparing herself for something momentous, "...Edward, Sir."

Well, it was a start at least.

"Thank you, Lila," Edward said with a smile and the girl left as quickly as she had arrived.

He looked down at the envelope and instantly recognised Aya's familiar elegant, scrawl. He smiled as he turned it over to tear open the seal of Fayel, thinking about Aya's visit in three days time. He never did understand her need to send him letters before she was going to visit, they would be seeing each other soon, but she still did it every time. It was becoming a tradition, to bring him up to speed on all the gossip, and deep down he did understand why she did it. Edward knew that if she didn't tell him beforehand Aya wouldn't be able to contain herself and would end up blurting out all of the inside information on their circle of friends at the Royal Reception in front of all the courtiers. So Edward was ready for an update on the gossip Aya had amassed over the two months since he'd seen her last. What he wasn't ready for, by any stretch of the imagination, is what was actually written on the letter.

_Capell's back_

That was all it said, just a blank sheet with those two heart stopping words scribbled hastily in the centre. Edward read them twice, put the letter down, then picked it up again and read it twice more. Then he stood up, paced over to his drinks cabinet and took a long drink of brandy straight from the decanter, walked over to his desk, looked at the portrait of Sigmund, sat back down and looked at it again.

_Capell's back_

It was still the same. Definitely Aya's handwriting, no matter how hurried. What on earth did she mean? Surely she couldn't mean...because that wasn't possible, Capell was...and Edward knew that, because he'd been torturing himself with the knowledge over the past year and...and...

He looked back down at the letter, now sitting on his desk amongst all the other papers.

_Capell's back_

It wasn't possible, but Aya wouldn't lie, not about something like this. Edward gripped the arms of his chair tightly and tried to prise his jaw open. Finally he succeeded.

"Lila!" He cried, not liking the hysterical lilt to his voice and trying to calm himself down.

The door opened a few seconds later and Lila entered, still as shyly as before, but with a look of concern on her face. Edward swallowed and looked at her. His mind had gone blank, he didn't even know why he'd called her into his office, he'd just done it on impulse before his mind had begun to truly comprehend the meaning behind the statement on the letter.

He grabbed at the first thing that might help him verify the situation.

"Lila," he said again, more calmly than before, "I need you to do a favour for me."

The girl nodded, looking a little worried.

"I need you to take the letter on my desk and read it to me," Edward said, trying not think about how irrational he was being.

Lila approached him slowly and he handed her the letter. He noticed his hand was shaking and tried to stop it without success. Lila took the letter, eyes jumping back and forth between Edward and the parchment. Then she cleared her throat and read:

"Capell's back," in a loud, clear voice which contrasted with her usual timid demeanour.

_Capell's back_

"Your highn...I mean Edward, Sir, are you feeling alright?" Lila asked worriedly, "you've gone all pale, should I call the doctor?"

But Edward wasn't listening. Someone else had read it, so he wasn't hallucinating. It was true, or the letter was real at least. Edwards head swam and he let it fall back against the headrest of his chair. Absently he noted that Lila was saying she'd call the doctor, probably because Edward wasn't replying to her and this had only made her more worried. Only Edward couldn't bring himself to care. The words were running round and round in his mind like a mantra and it was making him feel sick with a hope that he'd abandoned long ago.

_Capell's back_

AN: Well, it's now three in the fecking morning, but I couldn't bloody stop! Hope this is still going okay, please review!

Maiko


	3. Meet, Greet, Try Not To Throw Up

Disclaimer: I do not own Infinite Undiscovery, if I did do you think Capell would have ended up with Aya???

NB: Just to let you know this is not an Aya bashing fic! She may take a little abuse but I like her just as much as the next person; she's feisty and funny but even I thought that she could be a little selfish and inconsiderate in the game, so that's leeched into her character in the story. So, anyways, on to the fic!

**Chapter 3**

**Meet, Greet, Try Not to Throw Up**

The medicine the doctor forced him to take gave him nightmares. In the first he dreamt that he woke to find the palace empty and all the doors locked; he awoke sweating and shivering and wondering if he really was ill. In the second he was being chased by some unseen predator, constantly looking over his shoulder to find nothing. Every time he looked a kind voice that he hadn't dreamt of in seven months said 'Take care, Ed' and all he could do was choke and then run and run and run. He found himself on the floor after that particular nightmare, scrabbling on the rug and panting. He'd lain there in a stupor, mind muddled from lack of sleep and conflicting thoughts, until the sun rose. Only when the shifting patterns of sunlight touched on his bare feet did he notice how cold he was.

For the rest of the morning and into the afternoon Edward received more than his fair share of odd looks and was the subject of many whispered conversations behind secretive hands. He was walking and talking on autopilot, in a daze that had refused to leave him since he had been rudely awoken that morning. Ironically he managed to complete more work than he ever would have whilst fully in control of his faculties. Word had quickly spread that the King was signing practically anything that was put in front of him and a mad rush of lowly clerics, boffins with research grants and charity organisers flocked to his office; soon Lila began turning them away without even asking Ed if he wanted to see them. The fact that Lila had taken the initiative was perhaps the only thing that Edward registered out of the whole event.

As afternoon faded into evening the bright blue of the sky darkened and the stars began to glow. The lamplighters lit the streets, the vendors closed up their shops and the people made their way home or to the local taverns. Edward didn't notice, but he wasn't really paying attention to anything; like the owl that swooped overhead to rest on the roof outside his window, hooting eerily, or the endless cups of herbal tea that Lila brought in and scattered on the available desk space to grow cold, or the concerned looks that she gave him every time she entered, or even when she started shaking him because he wouldn't answer her.

"Please Edward, Sir," her she was practically pleading with him by the time he came round and looked up, "Mr Eugene's here to see you."

"Send him in," Edward said without delay, his voice gruff from lack of use.

Lila started, obviously taken aback that he had responded at all, and scurried away to comply with his wishes. Edward sat up, noticing that Lila had already refilled and lit the wall lamps, and tried to de-stress himself. His whole body was tense, like a coiled spring; it was unfortunate for Eugene that he was unwittingly going to put himself in the firing line and become the only outlet for Edward's pent up frustration. When the bespectacled man finally entered, benevolent smile firmly in place, Edward jumped quickly to conclusions.

"You already know, don't you!" he knew he was shouting, but couldn't bring himself to care; in fact it felt _good_.

"Edward, please, calm down. There is no reason for you to be so upset..." Eugene said placidly.

"I'm not upset!" Edward instantly retorted, feeling as if Eugene was already picking up on his worst fears and trying to placate him, "But it feels like I'm the last to know!"

"Well we haven't been able to reach Vic yet," Eugene shrugged, dropping his pack gently down onto the floor beside Ed's ornate antique guest chairs.

"That's because Vic is on holiday," Edward growled angrily, "but that's not important. How long have you known?"

The fact that Eugene stalled made Edward's hands pick up one of the many tea cups and grip it tightly so that he didn't strangle the man. He stared at Eugene and Eugene stared back.

"I'm not sure what you want me to tell you Ed," Eugene finally sighed, shoulders slumping, "Aya wrote to you as quickly as she could..."

"How long?" Ed interrupted.

"...and she asked me to come and tell you everything as soon as I could, that's why I'm here..."

"How long Eugene?"

"Ed you're not listening to me..."

"How fucking long!?"

It was a combination of recovering from a bad case of shock, a rough night and an even rougher day that made Edward swear. It wasn't like him, anyone who knew him well would attest to that, which was probably why Eugene was left speechless for the second time during their conversation. He managed to compose himself rather quickly considering the situation and told Ed what he wanted to know. When the words 'two weeks' escaped his lips Edward threw the tea cup at him, cold contents and all.

He didn't see Eugene again until dinner. Edward had rested since their altercation and now felt like a complete and utter fool. He swallowed, walked up to his friend, fussed with his hands, apologised and then asked him to please not tell anyone else. Eugene was surprisingly obliging considering the rather obvious bruise that was forming on his throat where the tea cup had hit him. The ministers always insisted that the King take dinner with any visitors in the main dining hall, but Edward hated the overly long table and the butler that came with it. They took dinner in Edward's private lounge instead, beside the newly stocked fire.

"So," Eugene decided he would be the one to break the silence as they waited for their meal, "I know that this must have come as quite a shock Ed but...you're not acting yourself."

"I've had a..." Edward stalled, feeling all of the formality slip away from him and leave him drained, "a really bad day."

"You don't need to tell me that," Eugene said with a sniff.

"Look, I said I was sorry," Ed said dejectedly.

"Forget about it," Eugene chuckled and shook his head, "it's just, well, I feel bad myself."

That got Ed's attention. What on earth did Eugene have to feel sorry about? Edward was the one who had verbally abused him as soon as he'd stepped into his office and then thrown crockery at him. The confusion must have shown on his face because Eugene answered his unasked question.

"If this news about Capell has tipped you over the edge then I haven't been watching you closely enough," Eugene smiled apologetically, "I thought you seemed happy over these past few months, but obviously the stress of work has been getting to you."

Edward was dumbstruck. Thankfully for Ed, Eugene took this to be shock at his noticing the truth of the matter, instead of confusion. Edward took a sip of wine and nodded silently, looking away into the dancing flames of the fire. Of course Eugene would think that, Ed thought, the only one he thinks should be that badly affected by Capell's return is probably Aya. Ed's chest clenched involuntarily at the thought and he forced his face not to convey his feelings.

His feelings. What the hell _were_ his feelings? Ever since Aya's letter had fallen into his lap he'd been acting as if he was on drugs for gods sakes. One minute he was in shock, the next he was raging at some poor, unfortunate member of staff, then this morning he'd lain on the floor for at least an hour, then he'd been zombified until Eugene showed up and then he had gone berserk. Not to mention the nightmares, although Ed liked to attribute that to the medicine from the doctor, but now, after today, he was beginning to wonder if that was really the reason. His feelings. Even Ed had no idea why his reaction had been so...violent. Capell had been his best friend, he'd earned his respect, he'd savedhis _life_, on more than one occasion, and he'd saved the _world_, but...

But what? This was frustrating beyond belief, why couldn't he just be honest with himself? It was as if he was hiding things from himself, which made no sense whatsoever. That would be fair enough if he was in denial over something, but damn it all, Ed _wanted_ to know! Why was this happening!?

"Ed. Ed?" a hand shook his arm gently, "the food is here."

"Oh," Edward blinked, pulling his hand away from his mouth guiltily; biting his nails, another bad habit he'd formed recently.

Michelle and Balbagon arrived at midnight and were greeted by a sleepy Edward and an asleep Lila. Ed woke his assistant and sent her to bed, ignoring her protests voiced through muffled yawns. Burgusstadt palace had become the unofficial venue for welcoming Capell home. Eugene had told him over dinner that Aya had spread the word as fast as she could about Capell's return, ignoring Ed's badly concealed snort at the comment, and told everyone she would be bringing him to Burgusstadt on her official royal visit. Ed had sighed tersely.

"That means that I'm going to have to organise a welcoming festival over the next two days," he had grunted out, more irritated that his first meeting with Capell was going to have to be so public than having to rush the preparation for an official gathering, "she never thinks these things through does she? Why couldn't she have said that in her letter? Actually, why didn't she put more information in that letter?"

"I told you she was hurried, she was trying to get the message out as fast as possible..." Eugene had placated.

"No," Edward shook his head, defeated, "she just doesn't think sometimes, that's all. I'm not mad Eugene so stop trying to fix things."

But he was mad. He was mad that he hadn't been told about this sooner, he was mad at Aya's lack of consideration for his feelings and his duties, he was mad that all Eugene wanted to do was make everybody happy and ignore the conflicts, he was mad that he'd sent Vic on holiday at a time like this, he was mad that he couldn't sleep soundly.

Most of all he was mad, and he wouldn't admit this to anyone but himself, that Capell had returned and gone to Aya first. Why? Why did he care? He didn't even know how Capell had escaped the moon and returned back to earth in the first place. He could have just appeared in Fayel itself for all he knew.

After greeting his guests he had a guard show Michelle and Balbagon to the guest quarters and then retired to his rooms. He wanted to look at the picture again but something stopped him. Perhaps it was his mood, he didn't want to look at it when he was so angry and frustrated, or maybe it was because it would be redundant in two days time, he would be seeing the real Capell anyway, who needed a drawing?

Edward's stomach knotted in anticipation and fear. He ignored it. Thankfully it was a cloudy night and the moon was hidden. It didn't make it easier to sleep, just easier to ignore the reasons why he couldn't sleep.

An: Sorry if this chapter seems short, I was going to continue into the next section but I think it'll work better separated. Anyways...

To FlyxHigh: Thanks for the review, from the lack of fiction I was actually wondering if anyone would read it! Glad you like it.

To Glass Sugar: Wow, someone else has been searching for an Ed and Capell story?? I thought I must be the only one who thought that was a valid pairing, because there is nothing out there at all that I can find. Anyway, thanks for your kind review and I can't wait for the next chapter of Lies My Parents Told Me (although I'm not sure if I can update as quickly as you do, I will try!)

Maiko x


	4. As Subtle as Tomorrow

Disclaimer: I do not own Infinite Undiscovery. Cotton darnit.

**Chapter 4**

**As Subtle as Tomorrow**

As subtle as tomorrow  
That never came,  
A warrant, a conviction,  
Yet but a name

by Emily Dickinson

They say time flies when you're having fun. The same seems to apply when you wish time would simply stop. The past two days had passed in a hectic blur, signing papers, attending endless meetings, organising entertainment, organising food, informing the local traders of the unofficial holiday, letting the neighbouring kingdoms, dukedoms and relevant parties know of the congestion that was soon going to be bombarding all of the major routes in and out of Burgusstadt, designating areas for camping, setting up extra facilities...the list seemed endless. If Edward had been angry that he'd sent Vic on holiday before, he was practically livid now. If anyone knocked on his office door he had to hold back the litany of creative swearwords clamouring to escape his mouth, just in case it was someone important. Of course, being a King, Edward had people to deal with organising all of these things for him so that he didn't have to worry about the little details. Only problem was that they all wanted to _consult_ him on something: would this be enough? Should we order more? I can't contact so-and-so, who should I inform in their stead? Edward's favourite sayings had become,

"Work it out for yourself!" and "What the hell do I pay you people for!?"

Lila had taken to falling asleep at her desk so people had begun randomly walking into the Kings office hoping to catch him off guard and force him to answer their request. What they received instead was generally a mouthful of abuse and a request not to be so goddamn unintuitive in future.

During lunchtime he escaped to the nearby cliffs that overlooked the Luce Plains. The gargoyles never ventured up here and he generally got some peace and quiet. Anyway, he'd brought his Karathos Blade with him in case there was any trouble. Usually the mere sight of it was enough to have monsters fleeing for their lives. Today was a day Edward wished it didn't inspire as much fear as it did. Hacking a few beasts into unidentifiable masses of meat would have done wonders for his anger issues.

"Thought I might find you out here," a familiar voice surprised him.

Edward looked up over his shoulder into the smiling face of Dominica. Her hair was loose and flowing around her smiling face. Edward looked her up and down and then stared at her for a long silent moment, too long to be polite, bordering on just damn rude.

"Well," Dominica's smile dissolved into a frown, "that's no way to greet a lady."

Edward looked back up to her face and then back out over the plains again.

"I don't know what you expect me to say," Ed said with a shrug, ripping out handfuls of lush grass with his right hand, "you're wearing a dress."  
"Well, it's not exactly an unbelievable feat you know, I do wear them when I have to" Dominica huffed, walking over to sit down beside Edward; as much as she seemed to believe in her statement she still sat with her legs apart.  
"Well," Ed said purposefully not looking at her exposed legs, shaking his head, "it's kind of...creeping me out."  
"Hey!" she hit him playfully for that one, "not you to! That's just what that brat Capell said."

Oh great, he'd come out here to get away from the stress and now Dominica had brought it with her. Edward felt his shoulders tense up and tried to forcibly relax. Strangely enough, even though he supposed they had sat through enough awkward silences together to last them a lifetime, Dominica still managed to posses the uncanny ability to pick out the exact reason for his discomfort.

"Worried huh?" she said with a sympathetic look, patting him on the shoulder, "You shouldn't be. He's fine. I mean, heaven knows how he got back but...he's fine. And he remembers yo..."  
"Please, just stop," Edward stood up so fast he made himself dizzy, which wasn't the best thing to be on when standing on top of a cliff.

He backed away from the edge and turned for the view, from Dominica. The wind picked up and blew his hair into his eyes. It felt...nice, being out here. His office became so stuffy, despite it being winter. Perhaps it was all of those oil lamps, he should tell Lila to stop lighting them so early and...

"Stop retreating into your own head," Dominica was in front of him now.

She really did look odd in that dress, not ugly, just out of place. In fact Ed was so used to seeing her in armour that even seeing her in trousers made him stare. A dress was just too much. It was a nice dress though. White, with printed flowers, long sleeves and a hem that finished above the knee. He wondered why she wasn't shivering, considering the wind. The weak winter sun did little to warm at this time of year.

"It's safer in there," Edward snorted, trying to make light of the situation as he turned from her all too knowing eyes.  
"Yeah, well, it's also where all the crazy thoughts live," Edward scowled as she smiled, "I know that much about you anyway."  
"You really don't," Ed said defensively, crossing his arms and shifting on his feet, "when did you get here anyway?"  
"Oh, we arrived an hour or so ago," Dominica shrugged, "I was sent ahead with the security detail. We're here to help set up security precautions, _you_ know."  
"Oh don't I just," Edward said as he rubbed the bridge of his nose and stared at the ground; if he never heard the words health and safety again in his life he'd be a happy man, "the councillors are all for their security. So, Aya sent you on ahead?"

When Dominica didn't reply Edward looked away from the grass to see what was wrong. She was smiling one of those _know it all_ smiles and her eyes were twinkling. She smirked as Ed practically growled.

"You are so worried about this aren't you?" she sniggered, dancing away as he advanced on her, "come on, I know that it must have been a shock but surely you're over it now, right?"  
"Over it now? Why should I be over it now?" he forced out so harshly that it made her smirk waver; unfortunately now that he'd started, Ed found he couldn't stop himself, "You've seen him, Eugene's seen him, and you both agree I should calm down, that I should get over it!? Why the hell should I get over the fact that my best friend has miraculously come back to life and all I have is second hand information! Oh, he's fine, he's good, he's just like the same old Capell, well how can that be, huh? You have no idea how af..."

Perhaps it was the fact he'd been about to say _that_ word that stopped him. Of course Edward got afraid, but he would be damned if he was going to admit it to anyone. He reigned in his temper, swallowed and turned away from Dominica's amazed expression. Why was he having such trouble controlling himself recently? He had been through events just as stressful during their time as the Force and he'd been more level headed than this.

And that was really saying something. Really.

"Ed," he'd never heard Dominica sound unsure about anything, until now, "are you okay?"  
"I'm fine," he said, deadpan, "it's just work, stress, you know. All that planning really took it out of me, I haven't been sleeping well..."  
"Insomnia?" she asked.  
"Nightmares," Ed clarified, quietly.

There was another awkward silence. Ed was afraid that if this one kept up Dominica would somehow, with her almost telepathic abilities, figure out what was really bothering him. Thankfully she was the one to break the silence, offering to spar, let off some steam, it would do him good, maybe help him sleep. He'd hesitated, actually tempted, but he was too tired. She hit him properly this time when he told her he didn't want to because he was worried he'd see her underwear and be scarred for life.

His feelings of tension only heightened throughout the rest of the day. He felt like he was having constant déjà vu. Wake up exhausted, eat breakfast, become steadily enraged until lunchtime, escape for an hour, lose his temper at everyone until dinner, put up with conversation until he couldn't stand it anymore, sneak off to bed, have repeating nightmares until he woke up again. Only now there was a different angle on tonight because when he woke up tomorrow things couldn't continue on their weird repetitive pattern.

Tomorrow. They were due tomorrow around noon. Everything was ready, the food, the guest quarters, the bunting, the welcome committee, the main hall, the bed sheets, the fireworks, the oil for the outdoor lamps, the security (damn and blast it), the speeches, the flowers and everything else imaginable.

Everything except Edward.

When he slept he dreamt of Aya turning up alone. He dreamt that none of it had been true, that he'd imagined the whole thing. He woke up crying and for once gave in and wept silently with his face pressed against the pillow. He wasn't even sure why. He felt drained, exhausted, miserable. He didn't want tomorrow to ever arrive. He couldn't explain this feeling, stirring down at the pit of his stomach, and it scared him. He didn't want it, he didn't like it and it could all just go to hell!

The drawing looked oddly old by the light of the oil lamp. His fingers traced the edges carefully, eyes scanning the happy faces. Would everything really be like everyone kept insisting it would? Would it all be just like Capell had never been gone? Somehow Ed couldn't accept that. Even if Capell hadn't changed, Edward had. They all had, they were a year older, it was impossible for them not to. The world had moved on, governments had fallen and reformed and hell even the _weather_ had changed. If Capell was the exact same man he'd known and cared for, this world he'd fallen back into wasn't what he would expect. Wouldn't that be hard to accept? Wouldn't that be hard on him? It was the norm for everyone else, but for him...Edward sighed. He was over analysing again. Anything but deal with the real problem, right?

Edward replaced the drawing and the book on their shelf and tried to get back to sleep.

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow.

He'd see him tomorrow.

AN: Ugh, I can't get this damn story out of my head. Any spare moment and my bloody muse pops up with the next chapter, all chirpy and happy, making me type until two in the fecking morning! Bastards! So...tired...urk. Okay, so please review and that, I hope you're still enjoying it. Sorry if it seems I've spun out the run up to Capell's arrival, I hope I'm pacing it well. Okay, have to go before I fall asleep on my keyboard!

Maiko


	5. May I Slay That Monster for You?

**Chapter 5**

**May I Slay that Monster for You?**

Surrounded by darkness. That sickening stretching feeling, dissolving through his limbs. He was screaming: someone, please help me! So alone, abandoned here, that's how it felt. What made it worse, all the more damning, was that he felt he could have saved himself if he'd only tried harder, been better or had the will to control it. The lunaglyph, it was taking him over, becoming him. The hatred pulsed like a heartbeat, throbbing against his resolve and making him weak. He clutched his stomach and moaned, sobbing out...

"Please, someone, anyone! Help me..."

Then _he_ appeared, so stark against the void that it made Edward wince despite his manic relief that someone had come, that he was going to be saved, that he was worth saving.

"Ed!" Capell's voice was shot with worry and his eyes with pain.

Edward awoke suddenly, his arm stretched up towards the ceiling. He blinked stupidly in the pre-dawn light before letting his arm fall back down, slipping it under the covers for warmth. Turning over onto his side he curled up into a ball.

"Always the one saving me, weren't you," he mumbled sleepily, wishing he didn't have to get up and leave his warm cocoon, "and I couldn't even stay with you until the end..."

The real fear, the feeling in his gut that he wouldn't admit to, that's what it was: guilt. Fear that Capell wouldn't forgive him for leaving him there alone. It was a stupid, unfounded, irrational fear, one that stemmed entirely from Edwards own remorse more than anything else. He knew Capell didn't regret his sacrifice, he didn't resent Edward, he had _told_ him so. Still...sometimes he couldn't help but feel this way.

Edward finally got up and wandered blearily into his adjoining dressing room. His attendants had already lit the fire and laid out his ceremonial outfit; black shirt, jerkin and trousers complete with silver trim and the royal seal of Burgusstadt embroidered onto the chest. On a table by the doorway lay the rest of the ensemble; his ceremonial sword and dagger with jewelled scabbard and harness, a full crown instead of the simple silver circlet he normally wore, heavy Royal Dragon metal greaves, complete with gauntlets, and a long black velvet cape trimmed and lined with silver wolf fur. Ed was glad he didn't have to wear this outfit too often, only donning it at ceremonies and royal visits. It was heavy, cumbersome and annoying, it always made him hot and irritable and he couldn't wait to be free of it as soon as he had it on. He sighed sharply through his nose at the thought of the half hour it would take his attendants to dress him suitably in this ludicrous attire. Why did it have to be so grand, so overbearing? Despite his normally haughty demeanour, Edward generally didn't care for pomp, ceremony and luxury. His bed was his bed; of course the fact that it was a large comfortable bed didn't go unnoticed, but Ed still wouldn't have turned his nose up at anything less. A year as king and he still wasn't used to it, this _pampering_. He sighed again, walking over to the bell and ringing for his attendants. The sooner he started the sooner it would be over and done with.

Ed stood in the middle of the room, staring at the fire as each piece of clothing was meticulously fitted onto his body, adjusted and readjusted, taken off and replaced...how much longer did they intend to be? Ed thought, trying not to give in to his exhaustion induced anger and glare at them. Even though he managed to restrain himself, something must have been visible through the taught line of his shoulders, the creases on his forehead and the way he fisted and straightened his fingers continuously, as the attendants hurriedly finished their task. Edward dismissed them, breathing a sigh of relief, and then flopping down into one of the large armchairs beside the fire. He stared at the room. It was still cast in shadow, despite the rising sun, as its walls held no windows. There were large wardrobes built into the wall opposite the door, each holding numerous outfits for all occasions. The wallpaper was a dark royal blue with cream stripes and a gold border, but it was so dim that the blue seemed black and the cream a dull grey. It reminded him of...Edward shuddered, swallowing away the anxiety that had settled as a lump in his throat.

That time, when he had almost lost himself in the void, that oblivion of time and space. Then a hand had been extended to him, a warm and friendly grasp surrounded his fingers and told him...everything was going to be alright. He'd awoken in an unfamiliar bed at the Kolton inn, disoriented and groggy, to Capell's relieved smile. He'd never been so happy to see anyone in his entire life, not even when Lord Sigmund had appeared to save his village. He remembered trying to sit up, rashly, and passing out. When he came to again, the room was dark and Capell was the only one there, sitting at his bedside, asleep.

Until that moment, Edward had refused to see him as beautiful. Some part of his mind, the logical part, had long ago pointed this out, but his stubborn nature had refused to acknowledge it. In the aftermath of the near obliteration of his being, his very soul, Edward found he couldn't hold on to his prejudice, his unfounded hate, and gave in to the fact that Capell was not his enemy. In fact, he was anything but.

* * *

Edward didn't think he'd seen so many people since his coronation. The hall was already three quarters full and still steadily filling with people, royalty and nobles taking prime positions in allocated spots. Michelle, Balbagon, Eugene, Kiriya, Christopher and Komachi, who had turned up in the middle of the night, and Rico, Rucha and their mother, who had turned up at eight that morning, were all seated at the very front of the hall in a reserved area. Rucha kept waving at him while Rico annoyed one of the nobles by carrying out a hilarious conversation with his pet parakeet. Edward marvelled at how much the twins had grown in just a year. He hadn't had much of a chance to speak to them or Christopher other than a rushed greeting before he was whisked away to greet the other guests. Edward never felt less of a king than when he dealt with nobles. Royalty didn't infuriate him quite as much, mainly because all of the positions of royal power had been succeeded by worthy and humble people. Anyone in line for the throne had been an Aristo, apart from Aya, and they were still deep in their dreamless sleeps. Candidates had been voted in by the citizens of each city; it was actually Aya that had put him forwards for the nomination, and Edward had never been more shocked than when the councillors had informed him he'd won the election; that he was a King. However, the nobles, mostly insufferable rich girls and boys who hung on mummy or daddy's purse strings, still acted haughtily towards Edward, towards a bloody _King_, because in their eyes, when it came down to it, he was nothing more than a farmer's son. Edward had forcibly restrained the stream of vitriol that threatened to erupt from his mouth whenever one of them gave him a sarcastic smile or an insincere curtsy. After the introductions he had quickly escaped to the battlements to seek some fresh air.

That was when he had noticed the crowds.

The streets were teeming with people, of all shapes, sizes, colours and dress, but this wasn't what forced him to gape with wonder. It was the sea of people he could see encamped on the plains beyond the city walls. Tents and caravans of wagons and carriages and stalls, joined by ribbons and banners and bunting, interspersed with piles of kindling for fires and rows of horses being fed and fires already lit for cooking and security patrols weaving in and out of the sea of ordered chaos. Edward leant against the battlements and felt his hands clench against the stone, his heart beating, the rhythm of blood pounding in his ears.

All these people, they would all see him, they would all see _him_ before Edward did. All the nobles and the Royalty in the hall would see him, all the servants in the hallways, all the guards at the door, all the citizens of Burgusstadt lining the road to the castle, they would all _see_ him. The feeling roiled in his gut, making him swallow with the fear that he was about to be sick.

No.

_No!_

Edward wanted to scream. He wouldn't admit it, it _wasn't true_! He didn't and wouldn't love him! Capell was his friend, his best friend and he was home, finally he was home.

Don't ruin it all, he thought, don't throw away this chance, your one chance to be happy. Capell will be back, you can see him whenever you want, you can talk to him and spar with him and drink with him and, gods, anything but this! Why, why can't I be happy with what I have?

The sight of the crowds wavered before his eyes and he slid down with his back against the sun baked stone. He covered his face with his cold hands, flexing the fingertips against his eyes and watching the bright spots appear in the darkness. He was so preoccupied with calming himself down that he didn't hear Dominica's feet on the stone stairs.

"What the hell's wrong with you?" despite the brazenness of her words, she actually sounded genuinely worried.  
"Everything," Ed sighed, dropping his hands into his lap, "and nothing. It's nothing. What do you want?"  
"Uh...well, it's just, Aya's party isn't here yet. They were due in ten minutes ago and, I mean I know I'm not giving them much leeway but," Dominica faltered, "Aya's usually so punctual, I can't help but worry, you know?"

When Ed finally looked up to her, he noted that she was dressed once more in her familiar armour, her sword strapped to her back. Then he realised that he was sitting slumped on the ground, probably making his pristine ceremonial outfit all dirty, looking completely pathetic. He breathed in deeply, stood up, revised Dominica's statement and then nodded, even if a little absently.

"Yes," he nodded again, more strongly, "I know what you mean, she's even more punctual than Vic. You want to take your security detail to head out and meet them?"

"That was my plan," she nodded, looking less apprehensive now that Edward didn't look like he was having a mental breakdown, "I know you don't have any guards to spare, what with keeping the city and the Plains in order."

"I can spare a few..." Edward protested.  
"No, it's okay," Dominica said with a wave of her hand, using the other to shade her eyes from the sunlight as she looked out over the Plains, "we'll be fine. If anything goes wrong, I'll send up a signal. You'll be able to see it from here, they shouldn't be that far into the Dunes."

Edward nodded again, a little more uncertainly. Dominica took her leave and Edward hurried back downstairs to the hall where he was most likely wanted. Lila was probably having a hysterical fit because the ceremonies couldn't start without him.

* * *

Something wasn't right. Edward felt it, somewhere beyond his subconscious paranoia that Capell's return was just some big hoax. Aya was far too strict and stubborn to be late, and she was never _this_ late. It had been an hour since Dominica's party had left and no flair or signal had been sent up. They should be back by now, he thought irritably as he sat and stared at the gathered assembly, itching to run up to the battlements and keep watch for any sign of trouble. He had sent Lila to enquire with the head of security in the Plains whether he had any news. Entertainment had been brought in for the guests; music, dancing, jesters, and Edward didn't pay attention to a single note or joke. He gnawed on his nails until his ring finger began to bleed and he forced himself to stop. Finally, after ten more minutes of torture, Lila appeared at the side door and beckoned Edward with a hurried flicking of her hand and a worried expression. Heads turned as the King strode from the hall, but were quickly distracted by the luxury of the dancer's gowns and the japery of the jesters.

Edward drew Lila further down the deserted hallway, his grip tight on her arm. She tripped trying to keep up with him but he held her steady. Finally, near the entrance to the castle, he stopped. He'd wanted to hear her report as soon as he'd been within earshot of her, but something in her expression told him that it wasn't good news; he didn't want to panic anyone after all.

But he was panicking. Didn't that matter?

"Tell me," he said hastily.

"The security party, Sir," Lila's voice echoed his own growing apprehension, "they haven't come back yet and they haven't sent up the signal. The Head of Security said that..."

"What?" Edward said harshly, taking Lila by the shoulders, "what did he say, what's happened?"

"I...it's just, he said that about half an hour ago the team guarding the entrance to the Dunes reported a large stampede of animals. They thought that the encampment had attracted them but...they said that...that now they think that they were trying to get _away_ from something..."

"Ready the emergency patrol," Edward ordered hastily; of _course_ all of the security patrols would have to be guarding the streets, "and my horse. Bring my sword and armour to the stables. Now, go, hurry!"  
"But Sir..!" Lila looked distraught at the thought of Edward going anywhere beyond the hallway, but he cut her off, his mind racing.

"Go, now, GO!" he shoved her in the direction of the main hall.

There were too many people here, if something happened, if something _attacked_ the city and he'd pulled the guards away from the civilians...he couldn't risk the lives of a city full of people over a group of twenty. He wouldn't risk their lives. The emergency patrol only consisted of three men, and that wouldn't be enough.

But he could risk his own life, quite happily.

Fool, he thought as he walked, then jogged, then ran towards the stables, you wouldn't risk the people, yet you would risk their leader? If you die out there and something gets past you to the city, something devastating...think of the chaos. No one to lead them, no one to save them...what are you doing?

Yet as he rode out through the gates, his escort of three galloping alongside him, he couldn't see past the one thing that had jumped into his head as soon as he'd feared something had gone wrong.

He could not and would not lose Capell again. If it cost him the life of all the other people in that party of twenty, Aya, Dominica, his own soldiers...he would sacrifice anything to guarantee Capell's safety. After this revelation, he knew he was not fit to be King; a King would think the opposite, he'd put his people first _always._ Not Edward, he couldn't, no matter how much he wished he could, he couldn't think that way. Was this love? He thought hurriedly as he drove his heels into the flanks of his steed, urging it faster until he felt sand under its hooves.

AN: Crap, sorry, still no meeting yet. It'll have to be next chapter though, won't it? I damn well hope so! I feel like Edward's reluctance to meet Capell has influenced my writing! Ugh, well, hope this was okay. Hopefully I'll have the next bit out soon.

To rider-of-snakes: Glad you like it! Hopefully I'll be able to update more quickly than I have been.

To TOko: Yes, I can't help it, I love writing Hysterical Edward. It is starting to make him look like a bit of a headcase though, what with his constant episodes! Oh well, I'm sure he'll cheer up once Capell finally shows up! Yes, my muses do tend to wake up at bout 1am! Damn them. Glad you're enjoying the story.

To Glass Sugar: Wow, cookies!! Yummy! My muse must have liked them because she gave you this chapter! Sorry there isn't a reunion in it, but I'm going to try and write the next one quickly. This idea came to me last week and I couldn't decide whether or not to use it so this chapter took ages to write. Yeah, Aya is annoying, but somehow I couldn't help but like her. I still paired Capell with Edward though, I thought they suited each other somehow. Yeah, Ed's much easier to empathise with, that's why I find him so fun to write! How's your Earthian/Infinite Undiscovery idea coming?

Please R&R!

Maiko


	6. Things That Don't Sit Well Inside

**Chapter 6**

**Things That Don't Sit Well Inside**

Edward would have preferred a full scale battle to what greeted them on the other side of the short tunnel connecting the Plains to the Oradian Dunes. The guards at the tunnel had been wary, jumpy, and seemed overly relieved when their King made an appearance. Edward tried to ignore the sense of duty this forced on him. There were slaughtered corpses lying all about the entrance, staining the sand and rock with their blood: Cacti, Sand Fish, Vipers, what could have made them run like this, straight towards their death?

"What happened here?" Edward had demanded.  
"My Liege, we're not sure, it happened so fast," a pale faced guard answered, "we heard the screaming and whining of animals, we saw a dust cloud and then this lot came streaming through..."  
"Any sign of an antagonist, something that could cause this?" Edward interrupted, pulling the reigns of his steed to keep it steady; the horse was restless, but whether it was from the stench of blood or something else, Edward wasn't sure, "Was there a storm? A beast?"

"Nothing...just, well," the man looked embarrassed and his fellows shifted uncomfortably on their feet.

"Spit it out!" Edward demanded harshly; they didn't have time for this.

"It's just that the sun, it seems to have become brighter somehow," he said, eyes downcast, "the shadows have even shortened as it drops in the sky."

Edward said nothing in reply. They left the guards at the entrance to the Plains, as a precautionary measure should anything happen to their group, and headed out into the Dunes. The wind was the first thing Edward noticed. Not the ferocity of it, or the near constant howling drone that it created, but the absence of it. Not a grain of sand was stirring as Edward and his escort passed cautiously through the stone gullies and into the Dunes proper.

Never had he heard such silence. It was sinister, anticipatory.

The soldiers were on edge, Edward could tell by the tight grip they kept on their reins, by the way the horses snorted an whinnied. Edward didn't blame them. He felt sick; willpower was the only thing that kept him from bucking his own steed into a gallop. The sun _was_ too bright, glinting off the sand and turning it a pale white. Too quiet, Ed thought, too still.

Where are you? He thought desperately.

"My Liege!" the soldier's exclamation startled him, "there, by the rock!"

Edward yanked his horse sharply to the right, just in time to see something disappear beneath the sand. Despite the dry, oppressive heat Edward felt a cold shiver crawl up his spine. He swallowed.

"Men," he said, trying not to sound panicked, "get yourselves to solid ground, now. Don't move until I order you to do otherwise, understand?"

"Sir," they said in unison, then one of them spoke, sounding hesitant, "but, what about you my liege?"

Edward sighed. Why couldn't his soldier obey mindlessly? It would be so much easier to deal with when he was trying not to have a panic attack.

"What's your name, soldier?" Ed asked the young man who had just spoken; he seemed taken aback, but answered nonetheless.

"It's Jareth, my liege."  
"And you?" Ed asked the other.

"Setan, my liege."

"Alright, Jareth, Setan, I'm going to investigate that," Edward pointed to where the solider had alerted him to movement, "and I need you on standby in case I need help."

Both soldiers looked at each other uncertainly. Their horses shifted uneasily on their feet. They complied, but still did not seem willing to leave his side. The horses shifted away slowly. Edward looked back towards the rock in front of him. It was about twenty feet away, jutting from the ground like a jagged tooth. It sat dead centre between two tall cliffs of rock, marking the entrance to the wide flat plain of sand that sat, incongruous, at the Dunes northernmost point. Edward dismounted and tried to quell the fear writhing in his gut.

A hand. It had definitely been a hand that he'd glimpsed before it was dragged beneath the pearly white sand. Oh god, he found himself praying to something he no longer believed in, Oh god please, don't let them be dead. Edward dismounted, patting his horse's neck as she snorted, head bobbing, pawing the ground. Nervous. Edward empathised. He heard his soldiers reach rock as their steeds clattered over the hard surface.

He unsheathed his sword and paced slowly forwards. As he approached the heat of the sand increased, burning through the thick soles of his boots. When he reached the rock he bent down to try and dig in the sand, to look for some indication that what he'd seen was real, it burned on contact, even through his gloves. Edward hissed, surprised, and retracted his hand. His fear doubled but he pushed it away. Was he too late? Were they all gone? Edward scanned the plain frantically, trying to push down his rising panic. There was no trace of...of anything, of anyone!

Then...

"Capell!" Edward didn't think, his feet moved on their own. There, lying in the middle of the shimmering white sand was the only man who could make him do something as stupid as this.

Which was why he didn't realise that the sinking sand had hold of him until he was ten feet out into it. It started at his feet, sucking at the soles of his boots as he tried to run towards the figure that had so suddenly appeared. Soon the sand had constricted around his ankles and he stumbled, falling awkwardly against the burning hot ground. He dropped his sword and it skittered away over the sand, gleaming harshly. Edward automatically reached out for it but screamed as his hands plunged into the sand, searing his flesh. He managed to yank his right hand free but that only caused the other to sink in deeper. He heard his men shouting his name, over and over, even as the sand began to shift to swallow his calves, burning, burning, burning everything it touched. He looked up through a veil of tears to gasp as the figure he'd been so desperate to save shimmered and disappeared before his eyes. A mirage? He thought in despair. The sand shifted again and Edward began, against his better nature, to struggle. God, it _hurt_, everything it touched turned to pain. He was in agony, as it slowly crept up to his knees over his wrist and his forearm. He let out another choked scream and tried again to futilely pull against his captor.

I'm going to die, he thought suddenly; everything became very quiet and the light began to cloud his vision. Then there was an arm around his waist and he was being pulled, hauled, crushed, movement, agony, burning, _burning!_

"My Liege, are you hurt!" his head swam and he suppressed the urge to vomit as an indistinguishable shape moved in and out of his vision.

It took a moment for Edward to realise that he was no longer sinking, and then another to become aware of the fact that he was lying flat on his back, staring up at Jareth's worried face. He breathed shallowly for a minute, trying not to succumb to the raw pain coursing through his body, before he spoke.

"I'm alright," he said, lying, pushing himself up with his elbows, "I'm alright."

"What devilry is this?" Edward heard Setan saying; he looked over to him to see him rubbing at his trousers, hissing in pain, "The sand is boiling!"

"I don't know what's causing this but we have to find the Queen's party," Edward struggled into an upright position, "and Dominica and her troops."  
"My Liege, shouldn't we send someone for back up?" Jareth asked worriedly.

"No, there isn't enough time," Edward said hurriedly as he hobbled slightly towards his horse, his soldiers following him, hesitantly, "and if any of us fall into a sand trap like that one we'll need at least two people to get him out again. We all go or no one goes."

Mounting the horse was absurdly painful, but he didn't accept any help. Edward was almost glad that he was no longer burdened with the weight of his sword, although he cursed the loss of his only line of defence. He had to admit, he felt naked without the huge blade, exposed. Edward directed his steed towards the beginning of the rocky outcrop that jutted out of the sand, creating the cliffs on either side of the sand plain. He felt his heart skipping in his chest as he waited for a sign of his friends, any sign, anything.

Be alive, he repeated like a mantra.

His new chance couldn't end like this.

What would he have left to dream for after this?

A listless life that, when you stripped it down to its barest form, was simply existing?

No, he wouldn't accept it.

He wouldn't.

It was Jareth who spotted Dominica. Edward told himself to remember that Jareth obviously had the eyes of a hawk. He was the one who had noticed the hand disappearing beneath the sand, and now he'd spotted Dominica, half covered by the sand, clinging to a small rocky outcrop that jutted from the cliff face. Thankfully the cliff was fairly shallow at this point and Setan managed to scramble down and haul her onto the safety of the rock. She was unconscious, but they managed to haul her up the small cliff and put her onto Setan's horse.

Edward didn't say a word to either of them, other than to give directions or orders.

They found Aya next, near the northern wall of the plain. She was dehydrated and badly sunburned, but conscious. Edward ordered Jareth to carry her, carefully.

"Aya," he said softly, reaching out to touch her face before stopping, realising how painful it would be, "Aya can you hear me?"

"Ed? Ed, thank god you're here!" she croaked out, meagre tears creeping from her eyes to shrivel on her cheeks, "I don't know what happened..."  
"It's alright now, don't worry," Ed didn't have the willpower to hide his franticness any longer, "where is Capell? Where are the rest of your party?"

"I don't know," she sobbed out, "we were separated in the stampede, after Dominica showed up...oh my god, is she alright?" Aya gasped as she caught sight of the unconscious Dominica.  
"Aya, focus please! Where is Capell!" Edward shouted, again resisting the urge to grab her and shake her.

"He...I saw him, or I thought I saw him, in the middle of the sand plain, but when I tried to crawl out to him I started to sink," she shook her head marginally, "I had to pull myself back to the rocks before it pulled me in. Then he...he disappeared, I don't know where he is!"

The same thing happened to Aya too? What is this thing? Is it a monster, or is it some elaborate trap? Who is behind this!? Edward thought furiously.

"Alright ," he paused, trying to collect his scattered thoughts, "alright, we have to find him, and any other survivors. Let's keep checking, we can worry about why this is happening afterwards."

Edward was glad that he managed a little more restraint when he actually found Capell. He was lying on his back on the sand, just like he had seen in his mirage, a few metres from the safety of rock. He told Jareth and Setan to stay back with the wounded while he rode his horse as close as he dared and then dismounted. Edward didn't trust the situation. Capell wasn't near enough to the rock, so he would have to go out onto the sand again. Edward new in his head that there was nothing that would stop him doing this, but his left hand and his feet still throbbed, reminding him of what could happen.

But Capell...he was untouched. The others, Dominica, Aya, they showed signs of burning, dehydration...Capell was, was _perfect_. Unblemished. Edward timidly stepped onto the sand surrounding him only to find it solid. _Why?_ What was happening here? No time for questions Edward you fool! He though hurriedly as he rushed to Capell's side, overwhelmed with relief when his right hand met with real, solid cloth.

He was real.

He was really here.

"Capell," Edward said sharply, hands fisting into Capell's clothes.

Eyes fluttered open. The atmosphere shifted around them both, this way, that way, in time with the shadows and the sunlight. Something was wrong.

"Not yet."

The voice came from Capell's mouth, but it wasn't his voice at all. Edward froze, his blood ran cold and he forced himself, _forced_ himself to look up, across the shimmering sand to the centre, where the mirage had appeared. There was someone there. Some_thing_. It opened its mouth and light streamed forth, covering everything, blinding. The air itself seemed to be absorbed into it, this luminescence. Edward pulled Capell closer. Then the figure approached, slowly, stepping as if floating over the ground. Ed tried to back away but couldn't.

"Who are you?"

"You know who I am, King. You've only forgotten."

"No, I don't, who are you, what do you want!?"

"You know me."

"Stay where you are!"

"You know me."

"Stop!"

A hand, reaching out, catching hold of him. A high pitched wail splitting the light in two, forcing it back. The sound of voices, all around him. He wouldn't let go, he wouldn't.

I won't lose you again, Edward thought calmly.

His eyes closed.

When he opened them again, he was alone.

AN: Err, I'm not really sure if this chapter worked or not...I thought it was okay the first time I read it over, but the more I read it the stranger it seemed. Hmm, but I couldn't figure out a way to fix it so...it'll have to do. Hope this is going along alright, I have my worries sometimes. Okay, review and let me know what you thought (honestly, I won't be offended it you say 'wtf were you trying to do with this chapter!?').

Maiko x


	7. Enthusiasm of Someone Breaking Bad News

**Chapter 7**

**The Rain Descends with the Enthusiasm of Someone Breaking Bad News**

When he opened his eyes Edward was more disoriented than anything else, including scared, hot or in pain. That was the first thought that struck him. The second was that he was no longer on sand or outside. The shift in location seemed so out of place that he almost didn't recognise the inside of his own room. He blinked, slowly becoming more and more aware. He breathed in heavily and let it out slowly. He looked to his left to find the room empty. His heart skipped a beat and he was reminded of his nightmare, where he awoke to find the palace empty, the doors locked, everyone gone...

"Lila? Is someone there?"

For what seemed an eternity there was no reply. Edward didn't want to move but he forced himself to sit up. His limbs felt sluggish and heavy while his head felt light and he found it hard to focus. His muscles ached. His head swam with the movement and he slumped down onto his side. Then the door opened.

"Edward, Sir!" Lila rushed into the room, her face taught with worry, and stopped by the bed, "We thought you'd never wake up! How do you feel? Does anything hurt?"  
"Please," Edward managed to scrape out; his throat felt dry and raw, "one question at a time Lila."  
"Oh, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Sir," she fussed, reaching out to feel his forehead, then pull the covers up around him, "it's just I was so worried and..."  
"Stop, just...Lila stop!" Edward managed to fend off her fussing but felt more light headed than ever, "When did I get here, what happened? How long have I been lying here?"

She stopped, blinking at him.

"You don't remember?" she asked uncertainly.  
"Lila, I wouldn't be asking you if I did," he said, pushing himself over to lie on his back again.  
"Uh, it's just," Lila hesitated for a moment then shook her head, "maybe you should see the doctor..."

Then suddenly something flashed into his mind; eyes the colour of gold. A memory? Or something else? Edward blinked, trying to focus on his surroundings. It was gone as quickly as it came.

"Edward, sir, are you alright?" Lila asked, concerned.  
"I'm fine," Edward said tightly, "don't worry about me. Tell me, where are the others? Are they alright?"

Lila smiled uncertainly. Edward blinked, watching her expectantly, waiting for anything from bad news to worse news. Lila finally broke out into a grin, which perplexed Edward to no end.

"What do you mean? Of course they're alright!" Lila sighed, "A little windswept maybe but..."  
"Windswept..?" Edward whispered, mystified, as Lila babbled on.  
"...and Lord Capell..." she continued, oblivious to Edward's complete confusion.  
"Lila, stop, wait, what about their escorts?"

Again the girl gave him a confused look, tainted with a hint of a smile.

"They're in the guest quarters?" she said warily, almost as if she were asking if she'd done the right thing, "Like you ordered, remember Edward, Sir?"  
"No!" Edward exclaimed in frustration, wiping the smile from Lila's face altogether and replacing it with fright, "I don't remember because I didn't do it! We never found their escorts, or Dominca's troops, they were all gone! Aya and Dominica, they were injured, Capell was...we found no one else!"  
"But Edward, Sir," Lila said timidly, backing away from his angry glare, "you arrived with them only four hours ago..."  
"That's impossible!" Edward shouted, sitting up quickly and ignoring the pain that shot up his spine, "Get me Jareth and Setan in here, right now! Get my escorts!"

Lila ran out of the room without another word. Edward found that he was panting, with rage or exhaustion he wasn't sure, and also that his hands were shaking. What in the name of hell was going on here? Was Lila demented? Was he dreaming? He most certainly remembered the eerie silence of the Dunes that had set him on edge, he remembered that..._hand_ disappearing, he remembered Aya's tears and that flawless, terrifying, unnatural voice that came from Capell's throat.

That _thing_, that light it emitted. He remembered it all.

He looked down determinedly and let out a small chuff of breath, a look of victory spreading across his face as he noticed his bandaged left hand. His aching body, his memories, how could these things be refuted?

At that moment the door opened and Lila stepped in, followed by the doctor. Edward scowled. He didn't like being angry at her but he'd ordered Lila to bring him Jareth and Setan, _not_ the god be damned doctor.

"Lila..." he started, growling.  
"Now my Liege," the doctor said in placation, raising his hand, "what is the problem? Lila tells me you are having trouble remembering..."  
"I am having trouble remembering nothing!" Edward spat, sick fed up of this nonsensical behaviour, "I remember what happened quite clearly, it is Lila here who is telling me false information."  
"I assure you my Liege," the doctor said, concern lacing his tone, "she is not. She told me what she relayed to you and I can vouch that it is all quite correct."

Edward stared at the man, his anger boiling. He looked back and forth between them both, daring them to keep up this charade any longer.

"Where are Jareth and Setan? I want them in here now," he said dismissively to the doctor, his patience wearing thin, "they will corroborate my story."

Silence greeted his order. Edward glared at the doctor. Was he disobeying him? Edward felt outraged, his right hand fisting in the duvet.

"Are you deaf?" he said in a dangerously low tone, "I asked you to bring me the escorts who went with me out into the Dunes."  
"But Edward Sir," Lila pleaded, looking dangerously close to tears.  
"Don't argue with me! Bring me Jareth and Se..." Edward barked, only to be interrupted.  
"Edward, did you really hit your head that hard?"

Edward started badly, head snapping round to find Eugene standing in the doorway. He looked at him with a faint hope, wondering if he was here to help him or to back up this madness. Eugene nodded to Lila and the doctor, both of whom seemed relived at the prospect of leaving, and closed the door behind them after they left. He walked calmly towards the bed and then sat, obtrusively, down beside Edward. Edward had to fight the urge to back away from him. Eugene watched him closely, the silence spinning out until Edward couldn't take it anymore.

"What?" he demanded, "What is it? Is this some kind of sick joke you're all playing on me? Because it's becoming dangerously unfunny."  
"Does your head hurt?" Eugene asked seriously.  
"Yes!" Edward yelled, "Yes it does, and that's probably to do with the fact that I was knocked unconscious by that...that, whatever the hell it was that attacked me!"  
"Edward, you're either being awkward or you have concussion," Eugene sighed, reaching out to feel Edward's forehead only to be slapped away.  
"Are _you_ going to bring me Jareth and Setan? Because if not you can just wait outside with those other two until they get here to..."  
"Edward, you don't have any soldiers by those names," Eugene shook his head.  
"Wh-what!? Don't be ridiculous, they went out with me to..." Edward spluttered.  
"The Dunes?" Eugene finished for him, "Edward, Komachi and myself accompanied you to the Dunes. You seriously don't remember?"  
"I don't remember because it never happened! Ugh, now I'm repeating myself!" Edward said through clenched teeth, "This is insufferable. Eugene, I am not concussed, I was attacked, when I tried to rescue Capell and..."  
"Rescue? Edward, they were only delayed by the sandstorm," Eugene chuckled, his demeanour changing so quickly it left Edward speechless, "you really do have some imagination there!"  
"What?" Edward said weakly, feeling lost and slightly worried by the whole situation; he shook his head, continuing in as serious a tone as he could muster, "Eugene, I swear, it's true."

Eugene stood form the bed, smiling down at Edward.

"Get some more rest, alright?" he said comfortingly, "Everyone's worried about you."

Eugene started to walk towards the doorway. Edward's mind raced. Had he really just hit his head and, what, made up this elaborate rescue attempt in his head? Edward hated to admit it, especially to Eugene, but he really didn't have that vivid an imagination. He couldn't have come up with something as exciting as his story if he tried. That was when Edward suddenly remembered his trump card.

"Wait!" Eugene stopped, looking back at him in surprise, "My hand! What happened to my hand?"  
"You fell fighting a Viper, remember?" Eugene seemed to realise the folly of his own question and shook his head with a smile, "Sorry Ed, of course you don't remember. It spat venom at you and it burned your hand, right through the glove. Then you slipped and fell, hit your head against the rock and went unconscious. I had to carry you back on my horse. I've never seen Aya so worried, and Capell was..."  
"Capell!" Edward echoed anxiously, "Where is he? Is he alright?"  
"He's fine," Eugene soothed, which only made Edward angrier.  
"But..." he stopped, reigning in his temper as he realised that no matter what he said, Eugene simply wouldn't believe him, "no, never mind. Just...just get me some clothes will you?"  
"You should really rest," Eugene began to protest.  
"Yes mother," Edward said with a cutting smile, "just get me some clothes alright? I'm fine."

Just play along, Edward thought in confused irritation, play along until you can figure out what the hell is going on. There must be answers, somewhere.

An hour later, searching for the answers he so desperately sought, the world broke apart before his eyes.

* * *

It was ten o'clock and the sun had set hours ago, leaving a dry chill in the air. There was no wind, not even a soft breeze, everything seemed completely still, frozen. Edward stood on the battlements, mirroring his actions earlier that day. He was hunched forwards due to the cold, his hands fisted into his heavy coat for warmth. He paced slowly backwards and forwards at random intervals, sometimes stopping to look out over the pitch blackness of the plains and watch the Harpy's throwing fire out into the void. The cold bit at his skin viciously, despite his warm clothing but instead of going back into the castle and sitting next to a warm fire with all his friends, having a glass of celebratory wine and relaxing...he was out here, trying to make everything go numb with cold.

It had been three hours since he escaped from the castle to the battlements, declaring that if anyone followed him he would behead them personally. Edward surmised that no one had wanted to test the validity of his threat as no one had bothered him since.

No one believed his story, no one _remembered_ what he did. There was no Jareth, there was no Setan, if the chief of the guards was to be trusted. Everyone had reached the castle safe and sound. Everyone except Edward, who conveniently enough had concussion due to complete and utter clumsiness in battle. Edward coughed roughly, thinking about what had happened after he had left his room with Eugene. His mind tried valiantly to stop the effort altogether.

He still couldn't believe it.

He looked up into the black sky, catching a glimpse of the waning moon behind the thick covering of clouds that dammed its light.

He couldn't _believe_ it.

He bit his lip in concentration. Why was his life such a series of disappointments? Edward feared that all he did now was pity himself. There was no alleviation. He'd finally found someone he truly cared for and then...well, Lord Sigmund had given his life for someone else. Someone he had swore he would never forgive for forcing his life to shatter out from under him. Then, ironically, Edward had realised that he didn't hate Capell at all, that it was much more complicated than that. Then Capell had given his life for him, for _everyone_ in the world, and he'd lost him, just as he'd lost Sigmund.

Then he came back, he gave Edward a second chance that he wasn't sure he even deserved...

...and then...

'_Capell and I are getting married!' Aya said with barely hidden excitement and joy._

That happened.

**AN:** Yes I am evil. I am evil personified, ha, hahahaha. Umm, hope you liked this chapter. There will be an explanation in the next chapter, don't worry! I have the next one written out, it just needs a little going over. And guess what...Capell and Edward actually speak to each other, shock freaking horror! I think I only just realised that they haven't really had a reunion as such yet, in fact they've had one line of dialogue pass between them and it wasn't even Capell saying it! Argh! Okay, please review, I really appreciate all the feedback so thanks to everyone who's reviewed!

Ps: The title is a quote from H.V. Morton.

Lourdes23 – Yup, there certainly is a big bad coming in this story, but not quite yet! I thought I'd better let Ed and Capell actually talk to each other first (my bad that this hasn't happened yet!) Thanks for the support, I'm glad you like it (ps: will have to read your update when I have the time, I've been so busy, sorry!)

rider-of-snakes – Hehe, addicted eh? I'm glad! Hope this chapter was up to standard!

animefan-artemis – Yay! There are more than one Ed/Capell fan out there! Honestly, the lack of fanfiction had me wondering if I was the only one! Hope you like the chapter.

Adrien – Thanks so much, I'm glad you think I have their personalities down (sometimes I think I'm making Ed a bit too wimpy, I tried to make up for it in this chapter though).

YinYangWhite Tiger – So glad you like it! Yes, the game is awesome, hurry and finish it because the end cut scene is brilliant!

2343-5480 – Er, hope you're not mad that I still haven't got them talking (damn, no interaction at all in fact) Sorry for the delay, I'll have the next chapter up soon, which actually contains dialogue (if you can believe it).

TOko – Heh heh, plenty of time for removing of clothes in the next chapter (and I'm not joking either!) Glad you like it!

Maiko


	8. Hȇlios Gluphē

**AN:** Paragraphs or quotes in _italics_ are flashbacks.

**Chapter 8**

**H****ȇ****lios Gluphē**

"_So you think I'm making this up!?" Ed shouted, not caring that his friends were staring at him, stunned, "I swear it's true, something attacked me..!"  
"Yes," Eugene sighed, "I told you, it was a Viper..."  
"No, not a Viper! Eugene why are you being so obtuse!" Edward snarked.  
"He's not the one being obtuse," Aya had said with a frown._

_Everyone had been gathered together at Edward's request after Eugene had brought him some clothes and he'd made himself presentable. Yet it seemed that the more Edward tried to explain his story, the more he realised that he was the only one who remembered it. A few times, when everyone in the room except him, comprising of the twins, Komachi, Christopher, Michelle, Balbagon, Aya, Kiriya and (of course) Eugene, stated identical stories Edward found it hard to believe that his story was true. Then he would remember golden eyes and something inside him rebelled, told him that it _was_ true. He wasn't dreaming and he wasn't making it up._

"_Look Aya, I remember it and, don't ask me why because I don't know, but I'm sure that it's the truth," Edward got as close to pleading as he would ever go, "that thing that attacked me, it must have altered your memories or something."  
"But if that's true then why didn't it alter yours?" Michelle asked._

"_I don't know!" Edward yelled in frustration._

_The room went quiet. Rico anxiously nudged Rucha, who looked back at her brother with a shrug and a look of confusion. Edward sighed, slumping down into one of the many chairs in the main guest reception room._

"_Where's Capell by the way?" Edward heard Komachi ask Aya.  
"Oh, he's still resting," Aya said with a smile, "all that travelling and then the welcoming ceremony, it really took it out of him. He said he'd join us later."  
"Will you tell us your news then?" Balbagon asked as Rucha began summoning baby dragons, "It's not like you to keep gossip to yourself for so long, Aya."_

_Aya stuck her tongue out at him but smiled afterwards._

"_Not until Capell gets here," she said mysteriously._

That should have been Edward's first warning sign, but he' been too preoccupied with his own memory dilemma to take much notice. Of course, when Capell finally joined them, Edward had been on his feet in a second. He'd felt an overwhelming urge to touch him, shake his hand, clap him on the shoulder, anything to make sure that he was really there. However, before he could even say a word in greeting, the one thing he'd been thinking about over the past two days, Aya skipped over to Capell and linked her arm into his.

Edward's heart skipped a beat. This wasn't exactly what he'd been expecting. Then she'd spoken the words that were now going round and round in Edward's head, mocking him.

"_Capell and I are getting married!"_

You could have knocked Edward over with a feather.

The sound of footsteps on stone interrupted Edward's thoughts. He looked up from his examination of the stone by his feet and watched the stairwell intently.

When he saw who it was all he could think was that he'd been the last person Edward would have expected to come and find him, but nevertheless it was Capell's worried face that appeared through the stairwell in the floor. After his cold 'Congratulations' to the new couples announcement and a swift exit, Edward thought that Capell would probably be expecting an apology from him. Edward had stopped his pacing an hour ago and settled for sitting on the ground with his back to the cold stone. He was freezing, but he didn't care, this was what he'd intended anyway.

"Ed?"

God, it was nice to hear that. Capell's voice was timid but curious, just like Edward remembered it. He was wearing an unfamiliar outfit, a short red jacket that only reached to his midriff over the top of white shirt and trousers and heavy, dusty boots. It was different, but his face wasn't. It was just the same. That same naive, kind smile beneath knowing, rust coloured eyes.

"What are you doing out here? You're going to freeze to death," Capell shivered, wrapping his arms around his middle, "come back inside."  
"I'm fine here," Edward said tonelessly, swallowing against the lump in his throat; was this going to be their first real conversation? Would he really let it be like this?  
"Come on Ed," Capell said with a pleading show of his palms, "are you in the huff because you got concussion and now everyone thinks you're mad?"  
"I am not mad, and I didn't make any of that up!" Edward shut his mouth quickly, trying to get his shivering under control, "Look I...never mind, it's not important."  
"No..." Capell said, suspiciously quickly; Ed stared at him, blinking, "umm, well, it's just...why don't you come to my room and tell me about it?"

That got Edwards attention.

"What are you talking about?" Edward snapped, using aggression to cover his panic.  
"Uh," Capell was looking nervous now, his eyes darting around the empty roof space, "it's just, well, we haven't had a chance to talk since I got back. In fact, I haven't even said hello yet, have I."

Capell laughed easily, but Edward could tell there was something more behind the gesture. What was he talking about?

"Well, yes, alright," Edward consented, a little confused and curious, but just glad that Capell wasn't angry with him and instead was suggesting they spend some time together.  
"Great," Capell looked relieved and extended a hand to pull Edward up.

When their hands clasped, Ed couldn't help but smile, just a little.

"I'm glad you're back," he said once he was standing, facing Capell under the light of the moon.  
"So am I," Capell smiled; yet Edward could see there was something bothering him, in the tense set of his lips and the faraway look in his eyes.

Edward felt apprehension creeping up on him, laying itself over him like a blanket. This day seemed destined to fail.

* * *

Capell's guest quarters were located next to Aya's and, as a result, Edward suggested they go to his instead. Ed still wasn't sure why they couldn't just go to the sitting room or somewhere else like it, but Capell seemed determined to have some privacy. Edward wasn't complaining.

When they entered his room the first thing Edward noticed was the roaring fire and the dimmed lamps. The only person who would possibly have kept his room in this condition until this time of night would be Lila. Edward felt a stab of guilt as he remembered how he'd scared her earlier and practically called her a liar. He'd have to apologise tomorrow, perhaps with flowers.

"Nice room," Capell said, walking in to look about and run his hand down the heavy drapes on the four poster bed.  
"It gets cold at night," Edward shrugged, feeling awkward.  
"Hmm," Capell said noncommittally; despite his casual tone however, Edward could still see the rigid tension in his shoulders.

Edward walked over to the fire. He was grateful for the heat that engulfed him, his fingers were blue with cold and he felt like an idiot for sulking on the roof like a moody teenager. It would have just been adding insult to injury if he made himself sick. He heard Capell walk up beside him and watched his hands spread out towards the fire. Edward shifted on his feet and breathed deeply.

"I really meant it, what I said on the roof," Edward said softly, "it is good to have you back."  
"Thanks Ed," Capell said, his right hand coming to rest on Ed's shoulder; Ed chanced a look at Capell's face and regretted it as soon as he saw the genuine smile on his face, "_I_ mean it."

Edward's arms moved almost of their own volition. They wrapped themselves around Capell's lithe frame and fitted like they were meant to be there. Ed didn't think about why he was doing this so he wouldn't be embarrassed. Besides, Capell was...engaged. So it didn't really matter and Edward _was_ genuinely glad to see him. After an awkward moment Capell's arms raised to hold him back, gripping tightly. Edward sighed against Capell's hair and wished that things could have been different.

"Ed?" Capell said, sounding wary.  
"What is it?" Edward asked, reluctantly letting go of Capell to step back and look at him.  
"Would you..?" he hesitated, looking toward the fire, then the chair, then back to Ed, "I need to ask you to do something for me."

Edward frowned. So this wasn't an excuse to talk? Talking was an excuse for something else. Edward hoped to all hell that Capell wasn't going to ask him what Aya would like as an engagement gift or something equally as galling.

"Anything, just ask" Edward said.

Capell eyed him for another moment before he began unceremoniously to unbutton his jacket. Edward's eyes widened and his mind automatically thought of the worst (and yet best) case scenario. He held his hands up and blinked.

"Wait!" he said against his better judgement, "What are you doing!?"  
"I...I need you to look at something for me," Capell looked embarrassed but determined, "you did say anything, right?"  
"Well, yes I did but...Capell," Edward couldn't put his words in order when Capell was staring at him like that, as if he were pleading silently.  
"Ed, please," Capell said softly, "I need to see if you can help me or not."

There was note of pleading in Capell's voice that Edward couldn't ignore. His eyes weren't just sincere, but importunate. Edward felt torn, his hand going automatically to his mouth as he began to chew on his nails. He flopped into a chair and looked towards the fire. Then he looked back to Capell. He nodded curtly, feeling a tight, sickening feeling cramping in his gut as Capell continued unbuttoning his jacket and then dropped it onto the chair. The firelight cast stark shadows over his cloth covered chest and arms, making him seem unreal somehow to Edward. His movements were clumsy and, if he looked hard enough, Edward could see Capell was shaking. He felt guilty, for being awkward; Capell obviously needed his help, he shouldn't be letting his guilt and jealousy get in the way of their friendship.

Then Capell removed his shirt and Edward couldn't help but avert his eyes. Because it was unfair, so unfair to taunt him with this, show him what he couldn't have. Damn it, damn it _all_, he thought viciously.

"Ed."

Edward forced himself to look up. He swallowed. His eyes widened and he sat forwards subconsciously. His hand reached out; the gesture felt detached, as if he wasn't conscious of it. His hand met warm skin and it jerked self-consciously beneath his touch.

"My god," Edward breathed, pulling back his hand, "what happened to you?"

Capell turned round in a flash, his eyes pleading. Edward started back a little from the intensity or his stare.

"You can see it?" Capell hissed, his voice strained, uncharacteristic of his usual laid back tone.

"Of course I can see it!" Edward said violently, spinning him back round to get another look at what Edward could only describe as a hideous burn scarring Capell's back, "What the hell happened? Who did this to you!?"

The scar on the back of Edwards's left hand was big by his standards, a jagged white tear in his skin from knuckle to wrist, but the scar that had been revealed on Capell's back...it was immense. What made Edward wince the most was the pain that must have caused it. It was a large blister red circle spanning from his shoulder blades to the small of his back, interspersed with small protrusions, their shape resembling licking flames. In the middle, oh that was where things became ominous. An intricate pattern which Edward could only recognise as a glyph. Capell managed to turn back around and get a hold of Edward's wrists, holding them in a vice like grip as he faced him, staring into his eyes in both anger and fear. Edward blinked and let out shocked breath. Pain. There was pain in his eyes.

"If you can see it, then you're the only one," Capell said in a dark, serious tone, "besides me."  
"Capell," he breathed out softly, at a loss.  
"Aya can't see it," Capell said gruffly, "Dominica can't, the servant girl thought I was crazy or something...but it's there. I can _feel_ it."

Edward winced. What was going on here? First the attack in the desert that only he remembered, now a scar on Capell's back that only he could see? This day was becoming stranger and more frightening by the minute. He looked into Capell's eyes and winced at the fear he saw in them. He asked the question on instinct.

"Does it...does it hurt?" he asked softly.

Edward was worried by the fact that Capell actually looked startled by his question. Edward thought that it was perfectly valid. Then Capell smiled, a genuine smile that made Edward's throat dry. He loosened his grip on Edward's wrists, then let go altogether, but he didn't turn away from him.

"Thanks Ed," he said, albeit wearily, "you know, I think that's the nicest thing anyone's asked me since I came back."  
"What...what do you mean by that?" Edward didn't mean to sound angry but considering one of those things had probably been 'Capell will you marry me?', he felt it was within his rights to be suspicious.

Capell shrugged, his smile twitching in unison with the gesture, and ducked his head, looking embarrassed. Now this was the Capell Edward remembered. The gesture calmed him down more than anything Capell could have possibly said. A sudden knock at the door ruin the mood.

"Edward?" Aya's muffled voice asked from beyond the door, "Is Capell in there with you?"

Capell scrambled back into his shirt, his cheeks suddenly painted with a pink blush. He gave Ed a shy smile.

"Yes, just a minute Aya," Ed said reluctantly.

"Ed," Capell said, walking up to him as he finished buttoning his jacket, "please don't say anything to anyone."  
"I won't," Ed shook his head, sighing, "I think it'll be best if we don't say anything to the others just yet. You said you told Aya and Dominica?"  
"Yes, but they thought I was just seeing things," Capell sighed, "they thought it might be a side effect of my sudden reappearance or something."  
"Capell?" Aya interrupted, tapping again on the door.  
"Just coming!" Capell shouted back; he looked back at Edward, nodded, looked a little wary, and then leaned forwards and gave him a short, awkward hug, "I missed you Ed."

Then he was gone, through the door, with only enough time for Aya to bid Edward a quick goodnight.

Despite the loneliness of his room and his empty bed, the rigours and mysteries of the day, Edward slept better than he had in years.

**An:** What a crappy ending I know! Sorry, but it's late and I need sleep. I hope to write more tomorrow as I have another night off from studying! Yayz!

Ps: Glass Sugar that was to world's quickest review ever! Oh come on! Do you really think I would have that happen? Thanks for the review and I hope this update was quick enough for you :P

Maiko


	9. The Best Love Affairs are Those we Never

Chapter 9

The Best Love Affairs Are Those We Never Had

"_You see things; and you say, 'Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say, 'Why not?'"_

**George Bernard Shaw**

Edward had hoped to be rid of his nightmares, but it as with most things in his life, the idea was thwarted by Capell's reappearance. At first he had slept soundly, reassured by Capell's amiability even if still disturbed by the strange circumstances. His dream, however, was enough to shatter the timid illusion of calm.

Edward hadn't dreamt of Sigmund in a long time. When he had, back when they were still the Force, his dreams tended to follow a sickeningly recurrent theme. Sigmund died and there was nothing Edward could do to stop it. He usually woke from them in a sweat, mumbling and disorientated. During the first few days after Sigmund's death, as they made their way to Port Zala, whenever he awoke from these nightmares Edward always sought out Capell's sleeping face amongst the camp. He would watch his calm features with a contempt he hadn't thought he could ever bring himself to feel for anyone. Then the anger and the adrenaline would slowly disappear and he'd be left cold and shivering, feeling utterly alone. He rarely slept again on those nights.

However, this dream was something new and Edward wished he'd been spared its insight. The dreamscape materialised as a sweeping grassy plain, the sky above bruised and brooding. It cast long dark shadows and laid an unnatural light over everything it touched. The clouds raced by yet there was no wind. He was there, Sigmund, standing ahead of Edward with his back to him, obscuring his face.

"My Lord," Edward said involuntarily, stumbling forwards; he found his legs weak, they couldn't hold him and he fell to his knees.  
"Edward," Sigmund's regal voice answered, typically devoid of comfort, "I thought I told you to look after Capell."  
"I'm sorry my Lord," Edward choked out, feeling a familiar tightening in his chest, "please forgive me, I tried..."  
"You left him to die," Sigmund explained simply, ignoring the pained sound that Edward swallowed; Edward hung his head and closed his eyes, "I told you to look after him, my son, and you let him sacrifice himself. You left him alone to die."

Somewhere in the distance there was a quick flash but no thunder followed. Edward swallowed, unable to form words. Why? Why was this happening now? Capell was safe now, wasn't he? It didn't matter anymore, what he had done, it didn't matter because Capell had come back to them all. Capell had come back to him.

"And now that he has returned, you still cannot protect him," Sigmund continued and finally Edward found his voice.  
"No my Lord, I swear to you," Edward said, struggling to stand, "I swear that I will never leave his side again. I will never let him come to harm! I promise you that I will always protect him, always!"

The clouds seemed to boil and the grass swayed hypnotically. Sigmund's armour glinted in the preternatural light, cool silver and bright gold. He moved his head up towards the sky and stared into the chaos above. Then he turned to look over his shoulder and address Edward with those cold russet eyes, piercing him to his core.

"Can you protect him from yourself, Edward?" he asked steadily; Edward gasped and shook his head but no words escaped his parted lips as he reeled from Sigmund's reply, "He isn't my replacement."

Then his eyes began to glow, like fire at first but soon disintegrating into a molten gold which set a glare against the injured sky, chasing away the clouds and turning it baby blue. It enveloped everything until there was nothing left but a blinding void. Nothing but the eyes, seared into his vision. Edward awoke covered in sweat, gasping as if breaking the surface before drowning. It was still dark and there was no noise from the corridor outside. Ed breathed deeply, swallowing, grimacing at the bitter taste in his mouth. It might not have been the usual dream he had about Sigmund but it was just as traumatising and definitely more bizarre. Yet, despite the disturbing conclusion to his dream, it was one single word haunted Edward for the rest of the day.

Replacement.

* * *

"How many more nights are they staying for?" Edward asked Lila distractedly as he flicked through the paperwork she had laid out neatly on his desk.

They had finally located Vic, deep in the Cobassna Timberlands with Genma, training. So much for 'holiday' Ed had thought grimly. He hadn't been too happy to find out that his invaluable assistant was being poached by the Nightwhispers but it seemed that word of Capell's return was enough to make Vic grab his things and high tale it back to Burgusstadt.

"Just one," she replied as she handed him a sheaf of files, "this is the proposal for the new archway, remember that you promised Lord Hasphat that you would give him an answer before he left."  
"Damn," that snapped Edward out of his haze long enough to become irritated, grabbing the papers from Lila's hands and scowling at them, "how does the old man write so fast?"  
"And also..." she started, picking up another ream of parchment, holding it awkwardly as she searched for a specific sheet.

Edward sighed, sitting back in his chair, chewing on his lip. Things had slipped back to normal, as if two days ago hadn't even happened. Which most people seemed to think it hadn't, except Edward and Capell, and a suspicious Aya, who didn't seem to believe anything that came out of Edward's mouth nowadays. She didn't deign to believe Edward's version of events, but his behaviour, admittedly, was enough to draw anyone's attention, if they only looked in the right places. For Aya, this was unfortunately an easy thing to do. There were three things that Edward believed consistent in Aya's character: being bossy, being kind and being incredibly nosy. Some may have preferred to call her sharp but Edward was a down to earth type of man, he liked to call a spade a spade, and Aya was nosy. Therefore she noticed niggling little details with the voracity of a hawk spotting an unsuspecting rabbit. She was also keeping a very keen eye on her fiancé (Ed thought that perhaps he wasn't the only one paranoid enough to think that Capell might disappear at any moment) and thus noticed that Capell and Ed had been speaking in hushed voices, disappearing together and any other such, admittedly suspicious, behaviour. Edward wished she would just push off and leave them alone but unfortunately the side effect of her noticing was that she was now glued to Capell's side. Every time he tried to get Capell alone to talk about his scar or their situation, there was Aya, smiling and asking for attention like an irritating child.

Edward rubbed at his temples and berated himself. He didn't want to think this way, he _liked_ Aya, she was probably his best friend after Capell had left them, but her presence and her behaviour were already infuriating him.

"Sir?" Lila's voice finally broke through and Edward started guiltily.  
"Yes, that's fine Lila, why don't you finish up for today and go get yourself something to eat," Edward said hurriedly, trying to resort his desk into something resembling order.

Lila left without an argument and Edward wasn't sure how he felt about that. The flowers that he'd given her by way of apology for his previous outburst only received a faint blush and a nod in reply. She'd been oddly silent in his presence since then, not the usual silence which was born from her naturally shy manner, but more a closed silence with which she kept herself in check. It made him miss her more endearing personality traits which he had become used to over the last week.

Edward let out a harsh sigh, disgusted with himself and the situation in general. There were no clues, no leads, no one to help him figure out this mess except the one person he couldn't get close to. He found himself looking up, awkwardly, at the portrait of Sigmund hanging above his chair. The sight of it made his stomach churn.

My replacement. Edward knew what his dream was insinuating, and he didn't find it helpful in the least. Of course Edward had respected Sigmund...well, more than that, he had worshipped him but, dammit, he had saved Edward's life more often than he could count and he was a fantastic leader and ...

Fuck. Who the hell was he trying to kid anymore? What was the point? Ed let his head drop into his hands, pushing roughly at the calloused skin of his fingers. Why did he always choose the hard path? The easy thing to do would be to admit that his feelings for Sigmund had never been entirely pure, tell Capell everything and then wait for an answer. Was he such a coward that he wouldn't take a chance like this to be happy after a lifetime of looking at what he wanted and admiring it from afar?

"Not a replacement," he found himself saying instead, his voice muffled by his hands, "it's not like that."

He let his hands fall away. The painting looked the same when he looked back up to its smooth surface, Sigmund's proud visage surveying the room. Maybe the easy way was just a rouse, just a trap for him to fall into. Things were never as easy as they seemed anyway. Ruling Burgusstadt for nearly a year had taught him that.

"Better do things the old fashioned way then," Edward said to no-one, standing up and navigating his way out of his paper strewn office.

* * *

Instead of hiding in his quarters for lunch Edward took the opportunity to study this mystery on his own. The library in Burgusstadt maybe wasn't the most impressive (that would have to go to Halgita) or have the rarest volumes on display (Kolton stole that title) but it was sufficient, he hoped, for what he needed to find. Fortunately the previous aristo king and queen, now sleeping their dreamless sleep in the sealed south wing, had a surprisingly large section on ancient glyphs, astronomy, which wasn't so surprising, and even ancient gods. This was where Edward's search led him and he found himself trying to find as much information as he could before his duties forced him to deal with his guests.

Firstly he searched through the multitude of books on glyphs, looking for something resembling Capell's scar. When nothing was forthcoming, he tried chasing up leads on the few glyphs he'd found that vaguely resembled the glyph he was looking for. However, these could only be found in books full of ancient texts, ignoring the words mostly to scan the pictures. Ed ended up at the largest table in the library, scattered with open books, dictionaries and translations of texts. When he finally found what he was looking for however, he had to grudgingly ask for help.

Some of the books in the castle library were so old that they couldn't be handled by human hands. Unfortunately these were exactly the tomes that Edward's study led him to. It took three stewards, the librarian, the King himself and a guard who happened to be walking by outside to manage to open the book without touching it, using chairs, another table, and the guards shirt. Thankfully having the status of king also allowed Edward the right to not tell anyone why he wanted to look at such an obtusely large and delicate book. Instead they simply bowed to him and left him to go about his business.

The business itself was surprisingly helpful. Edward stared at the huge, dusty sheet of papyrus before him, its colour distorted with age. The words were written in ancient Burgish, using some symbols that Edward could not interpret. His meagre understanding of the language allowed him only a brief outline of the text on the page, but the picture that they annotated...it couldn't be mistaken. A large, fiery red circle with a disturbingly familiar glyph painted at its centre. Edward felt the desire to reach out and touch the crimson paint, trace its fine work, but managed to resist. The gold leaf shone, sparking in the sunlight. He had found it so easily that Edward was almost convinced that it was some sort of trap.

"The sun god," Edward muttered to himself haltingly, as he read the words slowly, trying to translate, "Helios the destroyed- no destroyer and the gift, no not gift..._giver_ of- of something or other. Praise him, no, _praised be he _that _something..._and is one with the sacred place or plains or something, and the King of..."

Edward stopped reading with a dreadful finality. He wanted to slam the book shut but couldn't bring himself to touch it. He didn't care how valuable it was, he wanted it closed!

"No," he said to himself as he slowly stood, backing away, turning and walking briskly from the quiet, dimly lit room, ignoring the odd looks the librarian shot him until he was lost from sight.

The fresh air didn't do as much to help as Edward hoped it would. The grassy cliffs were storm tossed and wild, wind howling in savage gusts which stopped Edward from approaching. Instead he sat dejectedly on the grass and tried to stare at his hands through the tears the wind pulled from his eyes.

It was just a book, he kept telling himself, it was just someone else's religious nonsense. Or it would have been if Edward hadn't personally witnessed such 'religious nonsense' the day that the Force travelled to the moon and fought a god. Veros had been just as real as the Dreadknight, who had been just as real as Capell or Sigmund. What made the idea of another god so very impossible? No, not impossible, Edward thought as he felt the wind push him back and forth, listening to its anguished wailing; it seemed abhorrent, it seemed to suck the will right out of him. The existence of more gods? How many more? Was this some sort of joke? The ancient religions had spoken of a god of the sun but no real evidence had ever been supplied, not as it had been with Veros. Lunaglyphs were enough of a physical presence for the population of the Earth to believe wholeheartedly in their moon god. A sun god had never, ever made their presence known. Why wouldn't they? That was the question Edward clung to desperately. Why wouldn't they exploit their power as Veros had done, rule the Earth as he had tried to?

"Perhaps this is all a dream," Edward whispered, his words scattered by the wind, "or maybe I'm going mad. Which is it? Everyone else seems fine. It's just me and my delusions, like a fool, hoping for some kind of answer."

The book had said that the sun god was the protector of the King of Burgusstadt, back in the days of his forefathers, something about them being one with each other. When Edward had spoken to that _thing_ out in the desert it had said:

_You know who I am, King. You've only forgotten._

The words were like fingers up his spine. This was true, it was true wasn't it? Edward couldn't decide between his own madness and the madness of the world. He stood uneasily and headed back to the castle, intent on ignoring the rest of the day as best he could, while he tried to make sense of his thoughts

* * *

Eugene was the first to find him after the dinner celebrations. The royal guests had been annoyed, even if they didn't say so, with Edward's absence throughout the day. He had tried to make it up to them by humouring some of their petty requests, but he could tell that they were ultimately unimpressed with his behaviour as host. Thankfully for Edward, he ultimately didn't give a shit what they thought of him. He'd found himself back in the library, sitting at one of the large oak tables with his head resting on his folded arms.

"Ed," Eugene's voice was gentle, echoing slightly in the library as he stepped across the marble floor, "are you alright?"  
"Fine," Edward said back hollowly, trying to push some emotion into his voice.

Capell and Aya had been placed to his right at the dinner table and he had been forced to watch them acting lovey-dovey for over three hours. It hadn't helped his mood any, and had only served to make him more fractious than normal.

"Oh," Eugene said, seating himself on the opposite side of the table from Edward, "that's why you sound like you want collapse on the floor from exhaustion, because you're _fine_."  
"Your sarcasm isn't working Eugene," Edward said, managing to summon a little anger to push into the statement, "and I'd appreciate some time alone if you don't mind."  
"Sorry Ed," Eugene said, making Edward look up at him wearily, "but I do mind. What is wrong with you? You look awful."

Edward shrugged, sighing. What was he supposed to say? I'm in love with Capell who may or may not be the embodiment of some all powerful god come to fulfil some dark purpose on the Royal line of Burgusstadt? Oh yeah, that sounded healthy.

"I'm just tired, that's all," he lied smoothly, rubbing his face with his hands, "I need to go to sleep but, well, you know, playing host doesn't allow for discrepancies."  
"Oh come on Ed," Eugene smiled, adequately distracted by Edward's words, "if you're really that exhausted they won't notice your absence for the last hour of the festivities."  
"Don't lie," Edward waved Eugene off, glad that they were talking about something he could paste emotion onto and make it sound believable, "they'll never stop talking about it. I know that they're already whispering behind my back. Not that I care."

Eugene laughed.

"Same old Edward," he said, smiling, "go on, go to bed. If you don't care then it won't matter anyway, and I'll make sure everything runs smoothly, I've visited here enough to know how it all works. But maybe you could say goodnight to your friends, hmm? Capell's been worried about you."

Capell's got no fucking right to worry about me, Edward's fractured nerves dared him to say. But it wasn't true and Edward instantly felt guilty for avoiding him whenever he was with Aya. It hurt to see it, but he'd have to get used to it because soon it would become a permanent deal. So he nodded, thanking Eugene and trying to find the will to look happy or contrite or whatever emotion he was going to have to summon before the night was out.

When he managed to find Capell he was, miraculously, on his own. The guest quarters were cosy, decked out in rich reds and golds which glinted in the firelight. Capell sat at the writing desk, looking at something which he quickly stuffed back into the book he was reading before smiling up at Edward. Ed didn't have the energy to ask about something Capell was obviously trying to hide. He smiled back instead, closing the door behind him.

"Ed, how are you?" Capell's voice soothed his nerves somewhat and Ed sighed, "You...you don't look so good. Are you okay?"  
"Yes," Edward nodded unconvincingly as he sat on the end of Capell's comfortable bed, "I'm fine. You?"  
"Oh, yes, I'm okay," Ed could hear the confusion in Capell's voice as they continued their small talk.

Edward didn't feel like he had the energy to continue pretending any more today. Yet he didn't want to tell Capell about his findings either. They were probably wrong anyway, weren't they? Yes, he must have mistranslated some of the words, that was all. He'd have one of the librarians translate it for him properly tomorrow before he worried about anything else, or worried anyone else by telling them. Despite his weariness, Edward still flinched a little when the mattress dipped and Capell sat down beside him. He looked into his russet eyes and couldn't help but be reminded of his dream, of Sigmund. They weren't the same, it _wasn't_ the same sort of love, Edward told himself over and over, even as Capell began to speak.

"Come on Ed," he said with a wry smile, "not like we ever hid anything from each other before is it?"

Like that thing you hid when I came into the room you mean? Edward wanted to ask, bitterly. He gave himself a shake and forced a smile for Capell.

"Sorry," he said finally, "it's been a rough day, that's all."  
"Yeah, those royal's aren't very nice," Capell shivered for effect, "I can see why you would want to escape their company. I mean I know Aya can be a bit snooty but I know her so it's alright. Those other guys though, they can't wait to show how superior they are to everyone."  
"Yeah," Edward said back, snorting, "only too true. Don't worry about it though, they do it to me too."  
"You too?" Capell actually looked incredulous, leaning towards him and placing a hand on his leg, "And here I thought being a King would make things easier for you Ed."

The place where Capell's long fingers touched Edward's leg seemed to burn, whether with anticipation or Edward's own sense of need he couldn't tell. He wanted to brush it away, but also take hold of it and never let it go. He was so tired, he could feel it in his muscles and his mind, they were slow and sluggish. He simply waited for Capell to draw back and smiled at him.

"Ed have you...have you found anything?" Capell asked after another silent moment, the fire casting flickering shadows over them both.  
"Not yet, but the library is a large place and, if need be, there's always Halgita," he lied flawlessly, realising that lying was what he'd been doing most of the day.  
"Yeah," Capell said, smiling to cover his disappointment, "I know you're trying Ed. Don't you want me to help you?"  
"No," he said too quickly, "it might be suspicious if we both keep disappearing, don't you think?"  
"But Ed," Capell was so close to him, he could reach out and touch him whenever he wanted, and yet he _couldn't_, "you shouldn't have to do this all by yourself. I believe you Ed, there's something very wrong here. I feel, I don't know, but I can feel it sometimes. Like it's in the air, or the sunlight in the morning."

Edward covered his reaction to that statement, keeping his eyes on Capell's. It couldn't be true. He wouldn't let it.

"Don't worry," he placated, taking the opportunity to put his hand on Capell's shoulder, "we'll figure this out. We always do in the end somehow, don't we?"  
"Of course," Capell joked, lowering his head a little.  
"You still," Edward began, feeling bad to press the subject but needing to know, "you still don't remember anything about how you woke up, back here on Earth?"

Capell had told him, the day after he'd revealed his scar, that he didn't remember anything about his resurrection. Unfortunately, even though Edward had tried to correct him, resurrection was the right word. One thing Capell did remember was dying, of hunger or of thirst he couldn't tell. Edward almost couldn't listen to the whole account without his stomach churning in guilt. Capell kept the details blessedly short and to the point, looking uneasy the entire time. He hadn't told any of the others yet, just Edward. He didn't want to scare anyone.

"No," Capell shook his head, looking sad, and Edward let his hand drop away, "nothing."  
"It's okay," Edward said kindly, wishing he believed his own words, "it'll come back to you. Don't force it."

Capell looked pensive. Ed watched him for a moment, indecisive, then slowly reached out and stroked the side of his face with the back of his fingers. Capell let him, closing his eyes and sighing. Edward's throat tightened at the sight. He brushed his thumb along Capell's chin, grazing his lower lip.

"It'll be alright," he said hoarsely, "I promise."

Capell reached out and took Edward's hand in his before he could retract it. Both men looked stunned at the action, and Capell opened his mouth to speak, his eyes fixed on Edward's.

The door opened so suddenly that neither man had time to react. Capell snatched his hand back, dropping Ed's onto the duvet. Aya walked in as if the room were hers and smiled at them.

"So there you two are!" she said, eyeing Ed a little too long to be polite, "Honestly, you're causing nothing but trouble, we've been looking everywhere."  
"Why?" Capell was trying to sound enthusiastic but Ed could see the tension in his shoulders, "What's wrong?"  
"Oh, nothing's wrong," she said, pulling him up off the bed and looping an arm through his, "only Eugene and Lila have organised an impromptu dance and I thought, why not celebrate with my new fiancé."  
"She wants to show you off," Ed said, fake smile in place as he tried to joke about it, "go on, before she drags me into it too."  
"You're not coming?" Aya said, genuinely confused, "Come on Ed, you're the host here. You should make another appearance, you know, dance with some pretty girls?"

Her smile turned into a leer and Ed stuck his tongue out at her. It was easy to fall back into the routine of friends, even better for trying and forget the ache in his chest. She simply shrugged, giving him a sympathetic look.

"I'm tired, I' think I'm going to bed," Ed clarfied, standing slowly from the bed, "you go on, have fun."  
"Okay!" Aya said brightly, pulling her captive along with her.  
"Hey, Aya, come on, I don't wanna dance ow!" Capell whined, over exaggerating when Aya thwacked him on the head, "Hey, you didn't need to hit me! Ed, you sure you don't want to come?"

The pleading in his voice was almost enough to make Edward go, but his legs wouldn't allow it. They felt shaky and weak. He shook his head, trying not to show the extent of his exhaustion.

"I'll see you later," he said, meaning it.

Capell nodded, smiling, and then they were gone. Ed travelled back to his room alone. For some reason he felt the need to look at the picture but couldn't bring himself to look at it. The contrast between the happiness it depicted and the misery of the present was too much. Instead he undressed lethargically, dropping his clothes to the floor, and then climbed in to bed. He didn't even remember falling asleep.

* * *

The sunlight was not entirely unwelcome, but Edward did his best to ignore it. Pulling at the duvet he managed to cover his eyes, sighing into the blessed darkness. He felt the warmth beside him and instinctively shifted towards it. He could feel the slight chill in the air outside of his bed, another good reason not to get up, and any extra warmth was appreciated.

When the arm slipped over his chest, that was when he realised something was very wrong. He wasn't proud of the undignified cry he let slip, or the mad scuffle he had with the duvet as he tried to extricate himself. Or the insane hope that fluttered in his chest when he realised exactly who was in bed with him.

"Why Edward, what's the matter?"

Capell's eyes stared at him, heavy lidded and flirtatious...but it wasn't his voice, not his voice. Again. It was like the Dunes all over again. That _things_ voice. Edward swallowed thickly, trying to overcome the irrational want to happily lie down and accept this when he was so obviously in danger.

"Who are you?" he asked, whispering as he huddled against the headboard, trying desperately to deny the thoughts of gods in his mind.

It just laughed in return, sweet, melodic and tantalising. Almost enough to make you forget you were worried about anything at all, almost enough to, perhaps, make you smile. Almost, but not quite. Edward opened his mouth to call for the guards that he knew would be posted at the end of the hallway but hesitated. He didn't know enough yet, what if this really was Capell and the..._thing_ was simply using his body. He didn't want him harmed, and also he didn't think it would be entirely appropriate if his own men caught him naked in bed with the Queen of Fayel's fiancé. Right, Ed thought groggily, definitely not good.

Capell's...no, _it's_ hair was mussed from sleep, tan chest bare and golden under the sunlight, contrasting with the white bed covers. Edward couldn't help but let his eyes trail down towards extremely forbidden territory before snapping himself from his daze. This wasn't Capell.

"What the hell," he said, choking on the words, "are you doing here? What do you want from me?"  
"Oh come on now, my liege," it purred, leaning forwards onto its hands as it prowled forwards, making Edward shrink back, "don't try and tell me this isn't what you want."  
"That has nothing to do with you," Edward hissed, trying desperately to think of a plan to bring Capell back to himself, or to find out if this _was_ Capell, "what have you done with Capell?"

The thing merely smiled and then leapt forwards without warning. Edward tried to cry out when it pounced on him but it was lost into mouth suddenly covering his own, the warm silken skin sliding against him. Everything else, the danger, the book, his revelations, was blown to the wind. Suddenly there was a warm hand around him, stripping away the last of his restraint as it stroked, the voice at his ear whispering things that Capell would never say, yet he _was_ saying, and Edward couldn't handle everything happening at once. The lips that kissed his throat burned, but the pain only heightened the pleasure. Capell's skin moved against his as it pressed closer and closer, until Edward was on his back with Capell on top of him, writhing. Edward groaned and panted, clawing at the mattress, biting back another cry as he felt Capell's answering arousal brush against his stomach.

"A dream," he choked out, whilst wishing fervently that what he said was a lie, "this is a dream."  
"Not a dream," Capell said, his breath dusting over Edward's lips as he leaned in to stare into his eyes, "a fantasy. This is what you want, this is what you desire."  
"N-no," Edward panted, face twisted with passion, "please...don't...ah!"

Then there was heat inside him, invading, violating. Edward gritted his teeth clenched his eyes shut, trying to ignore the pain, trying to regain his wits so that he could stop this, this _madness_.

There was only one flaw in his plan. He didn't want this to stop, not now, not ever. Capell moved inside him urgently, his hands still moving anxiously against Edward's body. The warmth began to spread, from the touch inside him to the touches on his skin. Edward let his head fall back over the pillow, arching his neck, and gave in to the exquisite ecstasy engulfing his mind. His body rocked in time with each frenzied thrust, spasms of bliss shuddering through him again and again. He couldn't think enough to talk, as the dream he was sure this was and yet wished it wasn't climaxed around him. Edward let out a startled cry as a searing heat exploded within him and he slipped blissfully into unconsciousness.

When he awoke it was still night. He felt drained, weak, and his limbs ached just as they had when he'd awoken the day before. He could feel the damp sweat running down his face, pouring from his body to soak the sheets. There were also damp patches of a less savoury nature, but Edward was too exhausted to move.

A dream. He'd known it was nothing but a dream. Although, Edward thought with a little shame and large helping of guilt, he'd never has such an...aggressive dream before. Edward scowled and rolled over to the other side of his large bed, relishing the feeling of the cool clean sheets against his heated skin.

This wasn't right, it wasn't fair. Edward was already worried enough considering the complication that had arisen with Capell's arrival, the fact that he and Capell seemed to be the only ones who remembered, and now Edward has suspicions of another god being involved in the mix and Edward was having inappropriate dreams in which Capell spoke with _that_ voice and, well, did things that a woman's fiancé just didn't do with another man.

"Oh god," Edward groaned, not caring about the irony of his pleading to a god he didn't believe in or he wished didn't exist, "oh god what's happening to me?"

NB: The title is a quote from Norman Lindsay

Also, I just recently played the game through again and realised that I have made mistakes with Edward's past! I'm sorry, it looks like (from the flashbacks Capell see's when Ed is turning into a Vermiform) that Ed was actually from Burgusstadt and that his family may have been noble's. This would explain why he was perhaps picked to be King of Burgusstadt and would have really suited my story. But alas I only replayed this scene after I had written that part of the story! Damnit! Oh well, I thought I'd just say so in case anyone wondered why I had misrepresented Ed's past. So this is now a slightly AU story. Ugh. I suck sometimes.

Author's note: Okay, hope this makes some sort of sense...if not, let me know and I can try and fill in any necessary gaps that aren't clear! Other than that, I hope you liked it, this was a fund chapter to write, and of course and interaction between Eddy boy and Capell is always nice. Okay, please review and let me know what you think.

To Emmarrrr – Like I would leave it there! No, I'm going to leave it here instead mwoohaha! At least I gave you a little interaction eh ;) ? Hope you liked the update.

Zico – Yes there are so few Ed/Capell stories that I had to write my own! I thought this would be a popular pairing but obviously not. Hopefully you're still enjoying this story and that will make up for it!

Ruaki - Yes, Ed's awkward Kingly moments make me laugh too (yes I laugh at my own writing, it's sad). I hope this story is still to your liking! Thanks for the reviews!


	10. This Extasie doth unperplex

Chapter 10

**This Extasie doth unperplex (1)**

Emptiness.

And solitude.

Perhaps those are the things I fear most of all.

That would explain the recurring nightmares about becoming a vermiform.

Those thick, dark claws hollowing out my insides.

Making me empty.

And alone.

Edward stood in the middle of the room, looking around himself. What was the point of it all if, when the moment came, everything equalled nothing? He'd tried, so hard, to control his life so that he didn't have to feel all of the things that made him hate himself more and more. Now he'd let them out, set them free and, in all honesty, he didn't even know what was real any more. Was he going insane? Had any of it really happened? Perhaps it was all just a feverish dream, perhaps he was simply trying to apply logic to a situation which defied it. The workings of his heart had never made sense to him, not since he was a young man. He'd never understood exactly why he reached for the things he knew he couldn't touch.

But he did and it never got any easier, seeing it walk away. Edward looked out of the window at the harsh sunlight. It sparkled on the wet tiles of the roofs, the small puddles of water in the street. There were no clouds in the sky, perhaps it had rained during the night. Something had turned the world into a twinkling, glittering paradise.

What exactly am I existing for? Edward wondered as he stared. What can I do? I've done everything and nothing; does that mean that I tried or that I didn't?

"_It's not safe for you to leave yet," Edward argued.  
"But Ed," Capell said back, tone appeasing, "the others will be suspicious if we delay. Why don't we let things run their course and see what happens? Come on, be fair, I'm just as worried as you are."  
"I know, which is why I don't understand why you're being so...so, god, I don't know!"_

_They were leaving, on schedule. Edward didn't understand why Capell thought for one moment that he didn't have the right to be angry. He was the only one who knew, who _believed_ him. They were alone in this. If Capell left him here, then...he couldn't take being alone again. What was he supposed to do with that?_

"_We can still figure this out," Capell smiled, "we always do, right?"  
"I'm not sure," Edward said hollowly, noting the smile slip off Capell's face, "I don't know any more. Everything's so out of control."_

_He put his hands on his desk, putting all his weight against those sweaty palms. They couldn't go, they couldn't _leave. _They didn't understand, he was this close to figuring it out, this close to discovering if there was a need to panic, close to finding out if he truly was mad or if..._

"_It's going to be okay," Capell reassured him, though not with as much certainty as before._

_Yeah, Edward thought bitterly, only you weren't the one having highly inappropriate, very odd dreams last night. He sighed, pushing forwards against the resistant wood, feeling the jerk in his shoulders as he shoved harder. What was he supposed to do? What could he say? Nothing was wrong, that's how everyone saw it. Nothing was wrong so there was no need for concern. Capell placed his hand timidly on Edward's shoulder, feeling the tension beneath the soft, black cotton of his jacket._

"_This is all wrong," Edward muttered, hating that it made him feel better when Capell squeezed his shoulder sympathetically, "I...I don't want you to leave."  
"I wouldn't mind staying longer," Capell said, "but you know Aya. Come on Ed, it's not like we're never going to see each other again!"_

He'd meant it as a joke, Edward knew that, he wasn't stupid. Yet the feelings that it caused; that simple statement might as well have been a hard, indisputable fact. It stabbed at him, hurt him, made him feel as if the blood were rushing from the wounds it had made. He felt angry and faint and he was sick fed up of the mind games and the guessing and the not knowing!

_...it's not like we're never going to see each other again!_

Didn't he know that's what Edward feared the most? Didn't he understand what it would do to him, if that happened? Edward had grabbed hold of Capell by the shoulders before he really knew what he was doing, pulling him into a tight embrace. Capell had tried to push him away at first, looked scared of him. No, Edward thought, please, don't be that way with me, please.

"_Ed you're being paranoid," Capell had said, a laugh in his tone.  
"Don't joke," Edward had said seriously into his ear, "it's not funny."  
"I wasn't trying to be clever," Capell said wryly, pulling back but not breaking the embrace, "what's wrong Ed? Is there something you're not telling me?"_

_Such simple questions, with such complicated answers. The things I'm not telling you, Edward had thought, the things I'm never going to tell you. He hated himself for it; such a coward, always running away. Stand up for your feelings, don't back down! Isn't that what Sigmund would have said? _

_The fact that Capell didn't resist the kiss gave him confidence. In fact he felt Capell's hands gripping his back almost painfully. Capell opened his mouth and Edward took advantage, deepening the kiss. It was so surreal that he wasn't even sure what to make of it. He felt Capell's body pressed against his own, the tightening of the fabric across his back as Capell pulled at him desperately. Just like his dream, just like it. Even the cold air rushing back against his chest as he was pushed away wasn't enough to pull him from the stupor the kiss had caused. He stared at Capell's wide eyes, watching as the younger man touched his mouth with his fingers. Was it in shock or revulsion? Perhaps he'd never know._

Because Capell was travelling back to Fayel right this very moment, with Aya and her retinue. He hadn't said a thing after it had happened, just turned on his heel and left without another word. Not before Edward had managed to make it worse of course. He'd just felt so calm as Capell stood there staring at him in shock, so safe...Edward wasn't even sure why he felt that way. He should have been upset surely, unhappy? But instead there was an insipid feeling of safety and warmth, curling in the pit of his stomach. It had been there before but Edward had never paid it much attention, attributed it to stress or anything he could think of at the time. Didn't stop it being there. So instead of hesitating as he probably would have done, he just looked at Capell and said it.

"_All this time...you never knew that I loved you, did you?"_

No answer. No tirade about how disgusting he thought Edward was, no awkward laughs while he tried to brush it off as a joke, no telling him how he was getting married and wasn't that proof enough? Capell was gone and he wasn't getting an answer. Everyone was gone now. He was alone again. Perhaps that was best; maybe that's the way it's supposed to be, Ed thought as he stared through the glass at the world outside.

* * *

Vic was worried, by Edward's silence, his tight lipped silence, by his staring out into the middle distance, by his unwillingness to take part in their usual banter...everything Edward did worried Vic recently.

"Hey," Vic would appear at Edward's shoulder and hunch over, staring at whatever Ed was writing or reading or looking at, "what are you doing?"  
"Nothing interesting," Ed would reply with both frustration and apathy.  
"Yeah, looks it too," Vic would say, shrugging, "why don't we both go get something to eat then? Take your mind off things for a while?"  
"Too busy, you go ahead," was the usual reply, "I'll catch up."

Vic learned very quickly that Edward never 'caught up' at lunch time, even when directly invited. Everything had gone downhill after Capell had left, everything. Edward had turned into a mute, whenever anyone came to visit they always _talked_ about Capell and Aya and their upcoming marriage which only seemed to make Edward worse for some reason, he didn't seem to eat as well, or sleep as well and Vic knew it was getting bad because other people had started to notice.

"Ed," Vic wasn't going to let it go this time, as he stood adamantly at Edward's shoulder, "tell me what's wrong will you?"  
"Nothing's wrong," Edward lied smoothly, tonelessly.  
"Liar," Vic said, trying to keep the sadness from his voice.

No response but the pen scratching on the paper. Edward didn't even flinch.

"Did you and Capell have a fight?" Vic asked, noting instantly that Edward's shoulders tensed at the mention of Capell's name; well at least he'd got a reaction, "Why don't you write to him and..."  
"Nothing happened," Edward cut in, "have you finished your duties Vic? Why don't you go and get yourself something to eat?"

It was no use, Vic thought, Edward was never going to open up to him. Vic mentally tallied up a list of people close enough to Edward that would be able to talk to him about personal stuff; the list was depressingly short. Eugene was at the top, followed by Aya (who was quickly scrapped considering she was obviously too close to the Capell problem), then there was...well, who else? Michelle? Sure she was a good listener, but Edward would never talk to her properly. Dominica was quite close to Ed but after that big fight about Ed losing his memory he'd never been quite the same with her. So, Vic thought with a sigh as he walked slowly towards the food hall, Eugene it is then.

* * *

Night time, the sun is gone. Edward felt the darkness against his skin like a physical thing, like a gentle touch. He hung his head as he stood, windows open wide, lifting it only to stare out into the pitch that covered the city.

His city. Burgusstadt.

God, it still sounded wrong. Would he ever be worthy of the title of 'King'? Probably not. Still, he could think of worse people to do the job...and better people. Admittedly most of those were either dead or comatose, so he couldn't really complain.

What the fuck was he doing here? That was the question he asked himself most often; what the fuck did he think he was doing? A little rich boy like him, focused so hard on proving himself to others, on living his life to become the people that he'd admired the most, loved the most, in the vain hope that they would see him. That they would _see _him. God, was it so hard? Was it so hard for Capell to see that he loved him? How could he not have seen? How could everyone not have noticed that he was so very much in love..?

Useless, all of it. Even when he'd said it out loud, told Capell how he felt, there was no answer. He would never be given a straight answer. Story of my life, Edward thought. His mother and his father never gave him straight answers. After their deaths he was never given straight answers by his friends, the other villagers, no one. He'd been left alone to look for an answer which he would never find.

I love you, he'd told Capell, do you love me too? Was it such a hard question to answer? Edward didn't think so. Yet for Capell it seemed like something poisonous, something terrible, something unanswerable. Edward was sick fed up of people ignoring him, treating him as something deposable, usable. Sigmund had done it, he hadn't trained him to take over leadership of the Force, he'd trained him to look after Capell. Capell hadn't ever flirted with him or loved him the way Edward had thought he had, he'd simply befriended him while he fell in love with Aya right in front of his face.

"I should get rid of it," Edward whispered to the darkness which poured in to the room, "shouldn't I?"

The darkness simply moved back and forth in front of his eyes. He took that as the best answer he was going to get.

"Yes," he nodded, feeling cold, "I should, I know."

He found the book easily, as usual: _An Account of the Heroic Deeds of The Liberator Vol. I_. Eugene promised him months ago that he was going to finish volume two, but he'd yet to see the basic transcript. Eugene was such a perfectionist, he'd probably never finish the damn thing. Again the pages fell open at the right page, that same page it always opened at, yet this time...

"Where..?" Edward stared at the book, dumbfounded, "the picture..."

Gone. It was _gone_. How could that even be possible? No one knew he kept it there, he'd never looked at it in front of anyone before! He rifled through the pages almost desperately, turning the book upside down to shake it. This was...was..._inconceivable_!

"Fuck," he said weakly, throwing the book onto the nearby desk before sitting down heavily on to his bed.

He didn't even have a trace of him left. Not even the drawing now; it was as if Capell had completely disappeared from his life once again. That thing he had most feared, come true. Gone.

Edward didn't even have the energy left to be sad. It was as if everything had been leeched straight from him and there was nothing left. He was simply empty, like he had been before Capell had shown up so unexpectedly. Yet at least before he'd shown himself Edward had always been left with the fantasy of requited love, of that one beautiful moment in time where he'd been at least happy if not safe. Now he had neither that nor Capell.

"Wow," Ed said in a muffled voice as he placed his hands over his face, "my life is truly, unbelievably pathetic."

Yet despite the darkness and the chill in the night air, Edward still felt a remnant of that feeling he'd had earlier, when talking to Capell, the one which had calmed his enough to allow hm to blurt out his feelings. It was deep, glowing within him, a sense of heat, of warmth, of safety. He'd been feeling it ever since his dream, ever since he'd had his first hallucination of Capell and that terrible light had surrounded him, enveloped him. Then after his more, well, inappropriate dream the feeling had only heightened. It coiled in his stomach and stubbornly refused to allow Edward to become too melancholy. It made him think that if he only kept busy then everything would work out in the end, he only needed to keep focused, keep working, distract himself. Then he remembered. He'd meant to have that book in the library properly translated, Ed thought, but it seemed somehow arbitrary now, somehow insignificant. Yet he should do it anyway, tie up loose ends, no need to hold on to anything that reminded him of Capell. He'd do it tomorrow.

Yes, tomorrow.

* * *

"Edward, how have you been?" Eugene asked brightly as he breezed into Ed's office without knocking.

Edward would have looked up in surprise, if he had been surprised at all. Which he most certainly wasn't.

"I take it Vic sent for you," Edward said humourlessly, "because I certainly didn't."  
"Well, I've had worse welcomes," Eugene said wryly, his smile vanishing, "what side of the bed did you get out of this morning?"  
"I think I might not have gotten out at all," Edward muttered, rubbing at his tired eyes and putting down the paperwork he was working on, finally looking at Eugene, "what is it you want?"

Eugene stared at him for another moment, his gaze both assessing and disconcerting. Edward felt the need to squirm under his stare but resisted, opting instead for a baleful glare as a reply. Eugene shook his head, sighed and took a seat near the doorway. Edward found the distance between them oddly representative of how far apart they had grown over these last few weeks. He felt that way with nearly everyone now, as if there was some unbridgeable void separating him from that understanding he used to possess, that used to make him so easy to get along with.

"Vic was right," Eugene's voice sounded a little hollow to his ears, an alien sound from the usually kind and optimistic man.  
"I don't think I want to know what about," Edward said with an unconcerned raise of his eyebrows before turning back to his paperwork, effectively ignoring Eugene, "are you staying? I'll have Vic fix your room up for you."  
"Are you even in there at all?" Eugene asked; Edward felt like asking him what the hell he was talking about, but unfortunately he knew all too well what he meant, "Or have you cut yourself off completely?"

Edward wished that he could. Instead of the separating void that was so apparent when he talked to anyone, he wished that there was simply nothing, not a void to separate him from everyone else, but simply a void and _nothing_ else. Simply Edward and Edward alone, because it was becoming both too confusing and too painful to try and understand when all of this had started to happen to him.

"If you're hungry I'll have something prepared for you," Edward didn't show any outward sign of his distress and pointedly didn't look at Eugene as he talked.  
"Why won't you talk to me?" Eugene asked, his tone sounding both confused and a little hurt, "Edward?"  
"You'll need to let me know if you need hot water though," Edward continued, feeling a little sick at how easy it was becoming to dismiss his friend so completely, "there's something wrong with the pipes in the left wing at the moment."  
"Edward," Eugene sounded more angry than hurt now, "Aya wants to know why you haven't replied to the wedding invitation yet?"  
"Get out," Edward replied succinctly, still not looking up, not breaking stride, not changing his tone, not raising his voice...  
"What did you say?" Eugene sounded more confused than anything else.  
"I said get out," yet when he said it a second time Edward realised just how angry he was, "get out!"

Not just angry, _furious_. Nothing made sense to him anymore, his world was falling apart around him and Eugene was here to hassle him about _wedding invitations _to wedding he wished weren't happening and he was busy, he had so much to do and yet so little time to do it in, and he was...he wanted..!

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Eugene was standing now, right in front of Edward's desk, meeting Ed's glare with a steady one of his own, "why are you being so hostile?"  
"I..." for a moment he actually felt like apologising, the guilt crushing his chest became overwhelming, until he forced it down with that other feeling, something like righteous indignation, the calm safe feeling in his stomach which had been secretly keeping him going ever since this debacle began, "I am fine. It appears to be you who has the problem Eugene, and I wish you would take it elsewhere, permanently."

Eugene recoiled as if struck. Something inside Edward revelled at the sight, while another part of him wondered furiously at how he had come to this.

"If that's how it's going to be," Eugene said levelly, stepping backwards towards the door without turning, watching Edward with every step, "do you know that Vic said I was the only person he could think of who could really talk to you? Get you to open up? Maybe it was a misguided choice but it tells you a lot doesn't it? If not me, then who are you going to talk to? Tell me Edward, who do you trust enough to tell?"

Capell, he thought instantly. Unfortunately the thought only made him worse. He already _had_ told Capell, he'd told him everything and what had it gotten him? Nothing but pain.

"There's nothing to tell," he said, hating the way his voice cracked as he tried his best to stay stoic and reserved; he cleared his throat and avoided Eugene's suddenly sad eyes.  
"Edward please," he sounded so sincere, but Edward knew better than to trust it didn't he? "don't do this to yourself. Tell me what's wrong. _Please_ Edward?"

The sudden temptation to do just that hit Edward like a physical thing, making his head reel. Couldn't his emotions calm down for one _second_? What was wrong with his mind? Why was he so indecisive, so taciturn? Edward covered his face with his hands and closed his eyes tightly. He heard Eugene stop his retreat towards the door, felt his eyes on him, watching him. He wanted to, to tell him, but he _couldn't_, it wouldn't work, everything would go so wrong if he did, everything.

"Just leave," Edward said through the gap in his hands, his voice becoming strained as his emotions once again became unbearable "just _leave_."

He didn't take his hands away from his face until the room was entirely silent once more. When he did Eugene was gone and his office was empty. Edward clasped his hands and pressed them against his mouth, eyes closed, trying to find some sort of calm. His heart was beating too fast; he forced himself to breathe through his nose to try and calm himself down. There was an unthinkable urge to break something, coiling deep in the pit of his stomach. It made his fingers itch and his spine tense as if ready to spring up at any moment.

What did he want? He wanted to go down to the stables, get on his horse and ride it to Fayel without stopping for water, stopping to fight, stopping to think about what he was doing until he saw the walls and he wouldn't stop if the gates were up because that would waste too much precious time. He'd ride the fucking horse right up into the damn palace if that's what it took! Right up the elaborate stairways to Aya's room (and Capell's now he guessed bitterly) and he'd..! He'd...

He opened his eyes, noting the haze of fury that still lingered over his vision. God, he wanted to kill them, he wanted to _kill_ them for doing this to him! He wanted it, he wanted it, he wanted to kill Eugene for daring to try and placate him, Vic for interfering, the visiting Royals for being a bunch of smug little pricks who wouldn't know decency if it walked up and stabbed them in the gut! He pulled his hands away from his mouth and put them flat against the desk, fingers involuntarily curling into claws against the wood.

"You're losing your mind," he heard himself say, but it sounded detached, as if it truly were his old, reliable self talking to this new, insane, bloodthirsty monster.  
"Maybe I like it that way," he laughed back.

The book. His thoughts jerked to it suddenly, like a revelation. It was far more fascinating now that it had been yesterday and that worried him on some level. The book, the answers were there, he was sure of it. He needed those answers, he needed to understand, he needed to know. This was bigger, he could feel it, bigger than him and Capell, bigger than just Burgusstadt, bigger than the Dreadknight and the Liberation Force. What fools they had been, he thought as he strode purposefully down the corridor, to think that this could possibly be solved by them, by a bunch of useless idiots stumbling around in the dark trying to find the reason behind their lives and failing.

'You're only talking about yourself' the voice said.  
"Shut up!" he growled, glad there was no one else in the library as he continued to talk out loud, "I'm going to end all of this...this foolishness."

He sent a guard for the librarian. Edward sat by the book in the meantime, looking over its pages intently, careful not to obey his impulse to reach out and touch it, to stroke the beautifully coloured plates and trace the gracefully carved letters and runes. His fingers itched again, his blood seemed to be coursing through his veins doubly quick despite his not being out of breath. Everything had changed, ever since that dream, that impossible dream of Capell loving him, _taking_ him, making Edward his completely. Then the serious wake-up call the next day, when he'd told him, confessed, and been rejected entirely. Edward pushed his hands into his hair to give them something to do, pulling at it roughly. The feeling in his stomach intensified as he heard the footsteps approaching. Finally the librarian was escorted in by the guard, his smile disconcerting to Edward in his troubled state. He was an old man, his hair a pure white tangle atop his withered face, wearing clothes that looked too big for his wasted old frame.

"How can I help you, your majesty?" he asked.  
"Here," Edward tried to keep a lid on the mania that was threatening at the edge of his mind; truthfully he was beginning to scare himself, "I need you to translate this for me. I was told that you can translate ancient Burgish, correct?"  
"Oh yes, your majesty," the old librarian seemed more overjoyed that someone had taken an interest in a talent he rarely got to use than the fact that it was under the Kings orders, "if you'd please let me know the exact passage you would like translated I would gladly talk you through it..."  
"No need," Edward said blinking, trying to pull himself back together, make sure the old man didn't see, didn't _see_, "I only need the finished translation, and please make it as accurate as you can."

The old man lost a little of his exuberance and seemed to take offence, although he was still polite as Edward outlined the one line on the page he needed, the part that he hadn't been able to translate, the one line that tagged on the end of the rough translation that Edward had himself made only a few days ago. Edward couldn't tell if the man was put out because he had interrupted him or because Ed had declined his offer of a tutorial in ancient Burgish. Either way, Edward found that he really didn't care. The old librarian, who finally introduced himself as Gregory Ghalt, informed him that the translation may take a while and seemed surprised when Edward quickly stated that he could wait.

"It may take about half an hour to make a very accurate translation your majesty," Ghalt explained, looking a little wary of Edward's mood swings.  
"...Alright, I'll be in my study," Edward said reluctantly, trying his best to keep a semblance of normalcy, "but I want you to inform me as soon as the translation is finished, understand?"  
"Of course, your majesty," Ghalt said, nodding.

His study was suddenly too small, Edward decided as he paced backwards and forwards in front of his own desk. He'd only been here for fifteen minutes and already it was too long. The windows were too small, didn't let in enough light. He'd thrown them all open but the room still felt constricting, like some sort of elaborate cage. Perhaps that was only apt, it was how he felt wasn't it? His Kingship was more of a gilded collar than a crown, something to keep him chained here in a servitude that he had neither wanted nor wished for. He'd been so lost in his thoughts that the knock at the door startled him more than it really should have.

"Come in," he said breathlessly.

The door opened to reveal someone he hadn't expected in the least. He'd been expecting a guard, or perhaps the librarian himself, telling him that it hadn't taken as long as he'd thought and that the translation was done. He hadn't expected Kiriya to walk in as if he owned the room (which he always managed to unfortunately) and give him a very odd look.

"Well, you look happy to see me," he drawled, arching an eyebrow.  
"I thought...never mind! What do you want?" Edward asked irritably, continuing his pacing so as to keep as calm as he could.  
"Eugene wasn't far wrong then," Kiriya said airily, grating on Edward's nerves, "you really did get out of the wrong side of bed this morning."  
"I really haven't got the time for this Kiriya," Edward said, finally stopping by his desk to lean against the polished wood, "why are you here? Did Vic send for you too?"  
"Not quite, no," Kiriya said, a rare frown gracing his features as he watched Edward closely, "I'm here on behalf of the Academy for Meteorological Study, the Headmaster sent me."  
"Why?" Edward bit out, really very much not in the mood to be bored by hours of science babble again.  
"You really don't read your calendar, do you?" Kiriya smirked, albeit warily, "It's happening on Wednesday."  
"What is?" Edward asked.  
"The solar eclipse," Kiriya said in frustration, "I can't believe you forgot. It's only the biggest event of the decade for these people and..."

Edward stopped listening. That feeling in his stomach was suddenly spreading, up his throat, silencing his lips, out over his skin, making the hairs rise on his arms. Kiriya noticed quite quickly that Edward was no longer listening to a word he was saying.

"It's happening here Edward, the best view will be from the plains," Kiriya sounded more concerned than Edward had ever heard him, "Edward are you listening to me? Can you even hear me? Hey!"

The feeling was so intense that it almost hurt. His skin felt like it was on fire, the heat radiating against his need to regain some semblance of sanity. He couldn't lose himself completely to this feeling, he _couldn't_. He didn't know what it was, he didn't understand! The words, the translation, that would help, it would help him understand, he _needed_ it.

"I..." Edward managed, stifling a groan, hands tensing as he crossed his arms over his chest, "I'm alright I just...need to..."  
"What's wrong with you?" Kiriya stood and crossed the room to stand beside him, placing a hand on his shoulder, "Edward I think you need to see the doctor, you don't look well..."  
"No! No, I don't need to see the doctor I...I'll be alright I just need to rest here for a while and I'll be alright," Edward placated, flinching away when Kiriya touched the back of his palm to Edward's now sweaty brow.  
"My God, Edward, you're burning up! I'm going to get the doctor!" Kiriya said sternly.  
"No! Wait Kiriya, don't!" Edward pleaded, letting out a small moan as the feeling deepened; it began to feel almost pleasurable in its intensity.  
"Dammit Edward, what's wrong with you? You have a fever, you're incoherent, you _need_ to see a doctor!" Kiriya said angrily, taking hold of Edward's arm.  
"Alright," Edward acquiesced, thinking quickly, "alright I'll see the doctor, just let me stop by the library on the way there, there's something I had the librarian working on, it's very important that I know as soon as possible."

Kiriya looked like he was about to protest again but his eyes seemed to soften a little as he looked at Edward.

"Fine," he said, "but this better be quick."

Kiriya practically held him up most of the way. He nearly vetoed Edward's appeal to stop at the library a few times when Edward stumbled, but Edward managed to pacify him. Every step was becoming heavier, every breath seemed to take in less and less air. Edward's intense feeling of zealousness towards finding out the translation and loyalty to his knew thoughts and feelings was being swiftly overrun by sheer panic and his innate survival instincts.

"Ah your Majesty, I was just about to send for yo-My lord! What's wrong with you!?" the old man leapt from his chair in fright and started forwards towards the drooping form of his King being held up by a very annoyed Kiriya.  
"Never mind me," Edward managed, staring into Ghalt's eyes, "the translation. I need it."  
"But your majesty..." Ghalt began to protest.  
"Now! Tell me now!" Edward all but shouted.  
"Edward get a hold of yourself," Kiriya said in distress, "or I'm dragging you to the doctor right now!"

Ghalt stared at him in horror. Slowly he sat back down at the table and looked shakily over his notes.

"It says...umm, it says 'Fund gebrunum sach id resperach opusne talaktanin'," Ghalt said.  
"Which means what?" Edward asked, gasping as the old librarian had read the words, as if he understood them on some visceral level but couldn't comprehend them.  
"Quite literally, your majesty, it translates to 'Allow the sun enter thee and become one, loyal servant'."

Edward had expected the feelings to explode again, to increase to the point of the unbearable, but instead they simply disappeared completely. The heat bordering on painful leached away as if cooled by an icy wind, the maddening sense of hatred calmed to an understandable level, something he could work with, something he could _understand_, suddenly, blindingly, everything made perfect sense. Somewhere in the back of his mind he thought he heard a voice, whose he wasn't sure, but he couldn't make out the words. That calm had descended again, the one that made him feel safe, protected. Even his sudden symptoms which had scared him so badly moments before seemed nothing more than a slight inconvenience. He detached himself from Kiriya, who was now giving him a very incredulous look, and straightened out his clothes and his hair, wiping away the sweat which had accumulated on his forehead. He smiled at Ghalt.

"Thank you Mr. Ghalt," he said, "you've been most helpful."  
"Edward," Kiriya said quietly, staring at him, "are you...feeling better?"  
"Very much so," Edward said heartily, "didn't I tell you I only needed to go to the library and everything would be fine?"  
"But..! But that makes no sense! I'm still taking you to the doctor!" Kiriya argued hotly.  
"Be my guest," Edward shrugged, feeling as if a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders, "I don't think he'll find anything though."

He left with Kiriya, leaving a very disturbed librarian staring at the translation he had written out in trepidation. Kiriya watched Edward smile and shivered. Edward smiled and knew what he had to do. Everything would be alright. He had a purpose again, he had _meaning_ again. The wedding was in five days, the eclipse in four.

Everything would be just fine.

* * *

1 The title is taken from 'The Extasie' by John Donne

AN: Sorry this took so long! Thanks to everyone for the reviews, favourites and alerts, they're much appreciated and I'm glad you're enjoying the story. Hopefully this isn't getting too abstract, just let me know if there's anything that needs cleared up which I haven't made properly clear in the story (I'm really bad at that, honestly).

Fightergirl-Hyuuga – Thanks so much, I'm glad you like it! Yes there definitely needs to be more Ed/Capell out there, I mean, where is it all? Glad you liked the dream scene, it won't be the last!

Hikari Kaiya – Lol! Oh yes, I always kept Ed in my party too *wink wink nudge nudge*, sorry, I have a dirty mind. Glad you like it!

Lourdes23 – Glad you're still liking the story! Sorry if this chapter only adds even _more_ questions and doesn't answer anything though! Hopefully in the next couple of chapters I'll be able to get some proper explanations in, hopefully i wont confuse anyone too much before then!

Emmarrrrr – LOL! I'm glad that scene went down so well ;) and I don't mean that as an innuendo!


	11. There is Always Some Madness in Love

**Chapter 11**

There is Always Some Madness in Love...  
But there is Also Always Some Reason in Madness(1)

Things got busy again, fast. Soon there wasn't enough time to think about right, wrong or indifferent, just getting things done. Edward preferred it that way. He hated to admit it to himself, but he never did enjoy being a leader. When he had been in part of the Force for some reason the idea always drew him, the idea of taking command and leading them to victory. Sigmund was an inspiring man and, perhaps, Ed thought, that was one reason he'd thought it would be such an admirable position. Instead, when he finally got what he wanted, it wasn't all it was cracked up to be. Leading, or _ruling_ in his case, was far more demanding than he'd ever thought it might be. Not that he'd thought it would ever be easy, just that he didn't realise just how good he was at taking orders. In fact, he _enjoyed_ taking orders, it gave him a sense of purpose. Tell him to escort someone safely to a town, kill some dangerous beast, keep someone safe, go and retrieve some rare artefact, save the bloody world but please god don't ask him about governing any more.

Edward hated ruling Burgusstadt. He hadn't realised just how much he hated it until now, until he had once again been given some sort of purpose. The idea of sitting in his office signing papers, or listening to the people of his city lining up to complain, to request, to ask anything more of him made him feel sick to his stomach. Always asking, never giving, that's all this job was. Looking after someone he cared about was something Edward could relate to, something he could empathise with. Following a goal, working towards an achievement, that was something he could visualise. Ruling? For how long? To what end? It was a mission with no goal. Edward preferred to have goals.

"Your Majesty, the Headmaster of The Academy requests an audience," Edward heard the Page enter but didn't turn to face him.  
"Send him to the audience chamber," Edward said as he continued to drag the sharp pencil along the parchment before him, "I will see him when I am ready."  
"Y-yes," the Page stammered, sounding nervous, adding almost as an afterthought, "your majesty."

Edward looked up distractedly as the door closed. He'd been getting that reaction a lot lately, that fearful, confused reaction; it was starting to bother him a little. Not enough, but he still noticed it. Edward shook his head and sighed, pushing the thought to the back of his mind. It was all coming together, slowly but surely. Before all of this he'd been so worried that his mind was simply falling apart but now...now everything seemed clearer, more focused. Brighter.

He set the pencil down and surveyed his work. It seemed a little rough around the edges but he was sure that the Headmaster and Kiriya could help him straighten it out. Any modifications it would need could be added by himself after its completion which shouldn't take any longer than two days. He would have the carpenters and joiners begin work on the more rudimentary parts of its design straight away. Everything would be ready in time for the eclipse.

* * *

"Ah, greetings your majesty," the Headmaster managed to hide his thinly veiled anger at being kept waiting for thirty minutes admirably considering, well, how thinly veiled it was.  
"I have some plans to discuss with you," Edward said bluntly, walking by the Headmaster with barely a nod before seating himself on the throne like chair in the audience chamber.

Before the changes Edward had always conducted his meetings in a far less formal setting, usually in one of the smaller conference chambers or even the smaller sitting rooms. The large and imposing audience chamber had always felt too cold and detached to him, forcing the visiting dignitaries to stand while they gave their propositions to him while he sat and looked down on them. Now, watching the Headmaster try not to look insulted and worried that he had done something to insult the King and lose favour with him, Edward wondered why he never enjoyed this before.

"Your Majesty, if you please, I was hoping to discuss the plans for the dispensation of data recorded during the..." the Headmaster started, rather arrogantly Edward thought.  
"Please, Headmaster, all in good time," Edward smiled, raising his hand to silence the older man, "I need you to look over something for me first."  
"Look over..? What is it?" the Headmaster took a moment to recover from Edward's interruption, floundering in the silence.  
"Here," Edward reached into his thick, black robes and pulled out the roll of parchment, holding it out to the Headmaster, "I would like both yourself and Kiriya to look over these designs and have them back to me by tonight."

He enjoyed the Headmaster's look of indignation mixed with sheer awe and confusion. He blinked at the page and looked back to Edward warily.

"My Lord," he started cautiously, "there is really no need for such expense, we and the other scientists attending the event are bringing our own equipment which is more than apt to deal wi..."  
"I realise that," Edward said placatingly, offset by his rather patronising smile, "but I don't wish to lose any opportunity to record important data by using out of date equipment, not when we can use something solely designed for this purpose."  
"But...but who created these designs, my Lord?" the Headmaster asked, "I've never seen anything like them before, this machine is..."  
"That isn't important, all that I need you to do is to outline just what modifications need to be made to have it function to the specifications detailed on these design blueprints," Edward said, smile never shifting, eyes hardening, "understand?"  
"Y-yes," the Headmaster nodded, swallowing, as the look of indignation fled from his eyes, replaced by something more like worry, "your Majesty."

Again, there was that fear _again_. Edward frowned, making the Headmaster back away from him slightly. That only annoyed Edward further. He stood, gave his farewell to the Headmaster and told him he would see both himself and Kiriya back in this chamber later that night. Then he left, swallowing down the sour taste in his mouth.

'Something is wrong'  
"Shut up," he growled out, shaking his head.

Everything was just _fine_. There was nothing wrong. The translation from the book had told him everything he needed to know and now...now he was following his instructions, which was what he preferred.

'Who's instructions?'  
"Stop asking questions," he muttered back under his breath, glad when he reached the safety of his office; he hated having these conversations in the open, it made him feel vulnerable.  
'Where's Capell?'  
"I told you to shut up!" Edward said roughly, "There isn't time for questions, there isn't time for Capell, we have our instructions and we'll follow them. Understand?"

Blessed silence followed. He sighed, rubbing his face with his hand and leaning against the window next to his desk, basking in the warmth of the sun that shone through. The voice irritated him; it had started not long before the book had given him his instructions, before everything became clearer. Except the voice confused him, always questioning everything, and he had no idea where it was coming from. At first it had scared the hell out of him, he thought he'd finally lost all semblance of sanity. He wanted to ask for help, but was worried that would be a bad decision, that people wouldn't believe him, that he wouldn't get a chance to finish his plans and that was the most important thing right now. So he'd lived with the voice ever since and now he'd become used to it, even if it did irritate the hell out of him and constantly question his actions.

Edward looked up at the empty wall behind his desk, feeling an absent stab of guilt which he quickly suppressed. He remembered how he'd first worried, irrationally yet still believably, that the voice he was hearing was Sigmund's. It said things he would say and the more Edward looked at the portrait in his office, the more he became paranoid, convinced the voice was his dead friend, questioning him persistently. He began to doubt the logic of blindly following these orders, he began to feel nauseous at the prospect of understanding exactly what was going on and how he had come to be in this situation. So he had made a choice there and then, taken the portrait down and hidden it in a cupboard so that its accusing eyes couldn't follow him around the room any more. Of course Vic had asked questions, looked very concerned, but Edward knew how to sweet talk his way around Vic and it worked ninety eight percent of the time. The other two percent involved a little inventive diversion which always ended up in Edward's favour. It hadn't stopped the voice however, which had disappointed him a little. It sounded so much more rational than he did, which worried him on some visceral level, and sometimes its questions were hard not to think about.

Like when it asked about Capell.

"Why does love have to be so complicated?" Edward asked the empty room, not expecting any answer, "Why can't it just be simple like everything else has become?"  
'Nothing is simple'  
"Leave me alone," Edward said, feeling a little hopeless as he slid down into his chair and put his head into his hands, "just...leave me alone."

Whose instructions? Edward thought as the voice echoed through his mind. He knew who, he knew and yet somehow he couldn't bring himself to be worried by it as he thought he should be. His position here in Burgusstadt gave him this position and, as far as he could tell, he should feel honoured, not threatened. This world was lacking the order that a new god would bring and, as its emissary, he was in the position to bring about that order. That was what he wanted now, wasn't it? He shouldn't question anything, he was loyal, he was getting what he _wanted_, it made no sense.

So why did he? Sometimes, when he managed to think about it on a deeper level, it seemed so very wrong and he couldn't figure out why. Sometimes he felt as if he was refusing to think about it. Capell didn't help. Sometimes he felt as if the mere mention of the other man's name was a catalyst for the confusing and disturbing thoughts he had. So he tried to avoid contact with his name at all costs, which wasn't too difficult when he was doing a good job of avoiding most people at all costs unless strictly necessary. The others worried, he could see that. He did and didn't worry, he did and didn't care.

Time seemed to stream out forever in front of him and yet somehow he was allayed by a strict sense of urgency. There were limits, yet there were none, there were threats and yet he was free. Slowly he was coming to terms with this odd dichotomy, while at the same time he rebelled against it. That was all he could think his inner voice was, a rebellion against his own complacency and acceptance.

Everything would come together soon, he thought with resentful pride.

He looked into the sun and squinted his eyes against the glare.

* * *

Across the sand, the haze filled desert of prophecy, the beginning of the dire and the end of life, a man was beginning to realise something he thought must not be real. It both saddened and made him elated all at once and, secure in his decision, he set out to fulfil what he realised had been what he wanted all along.

* * *

AN: Sorry if this seems like a bit of a jump from the last chapter, I'm not sure if I've handled the transition very well for Edward, please let me know what you think! Thanks so much for all the reviews/favourites, you guys are great

(1) Friedrich Nietzsche


	12. Cure for an Obsession

**NB: **Passages in _italics_ are flashbacks

Also notes to reviewers are found at the end of this chapter! Sorry this update took so long!

**Chapter 12**

**Cure for an Obsession**

Moving shadows across the floor. Following them with unfocussed eyes as they shambled up across books and piles of paper haphazardly spread across the room. Sometimes he thought he heard a voice whispering in his ear, but if he turned there was no one there. It made him shudder but he knew well enough not to be frightened. Somehow it was almost comforting. Not long, Edward reassured himself, not long now. He was no longer afraid.

He had been sitting in his office when it had happened. An omen of sorts, a confirmation, a reassurance that he wasn't losing his mind. Or perhaps it was the opposite. Of course whether it was one or the other was a purely subjective point of view as far as Edward was concerned and, considering his state, he'd rather go with the former.

_Vic had been trying his best to deal with Edward as much as possible, constantly bothering him, entering his office just to ask him if he wanted anything to drink or eat, telling him trivial pieces of information, updating him on the preparations for the visiting scientists. Edward wasn't scared by the fact that this didn't make him angry, quite the opposite. He was worried by the fact that this constant pestering didn't seem to affect him at all. He simply answered Vic's questions or nodded appropriately when being told details about the upcoming eclipse. Vic seemed to sense this too and compensated by simply turning up more often._

_Which was why, rationally, Edward thought it was Vic sitting in the chair opposite his desk when he turned around from rummaging for fresh ink in the cabinet. But it wasn't Vic and, despite hope and lust and despair pushing Edward to believe his wish had come true, it wasn't Capell either._

_Although it looked just like him, just like his dream and that was how Edward knew. More than the fact that it was highly improbable that Capell would have materialised in his office with no announcement, the subtle and powerful smile on the Thing's face was something he never would have seen on Capell's._

_It stared at him and Edward stared back, standing awkwardly with the glass inkwell in one hand and his other half closing the cupboard door. His silence and indecision only seemed to amuse the Thing sitting across from him as it lifted its feet and put them leisurely on the polished wood, folding its hands over its chest and leaning back, eyes twinkling mysteriously._

"_My, my," it said, voice slightly distorted, as if passing through smoke, "and here I thought you'd be happy to see me."_

_What worried Edward most was that a small part of him _was_ happy, ecstatically so. The rest of him was stricken between being terrified or sickened._

"_Am I dreaming?" he said quietly, almost trance like.  
"Ha, no my love, no," it shook its head, closing those mesmerising eyes for a second in which Edward felt it was easier to breathe, "not this time."_

_When it opened its eyes again Edward felt compelled to sit. He did so, rigidly, still holding the ink well in his right hand. He felt torn by his own duplicity; one side, that voice in his mind, fervently telling him to run, to _run_, but the other telling him to stay and to be happy and to..._

"_No need to be so confused pet," it said soothingly as it looked at Ed with seeming sympathy, "did you think I would abandon you forever?"  
"I..."Edward tried to speak but his mind was slow in comprehending and forming thought, "I don't know, I didn't..."_

_Suddenly it was out of the chair, stalking gracefully around the desk until it reached Edward, pulling his chair round. Edward's breath stuck in his throat and he didn't know what to do, he panicked, pushing back into the chair as far as he could as it only advanced on him further._

'This is what you want' _said a voice in his mind while...  
"Get out, get out, get OUT!" _said the other.

_He heard the inkwell hit the floor with a dull thud as the Thing slid up against him like a snake, coiling around his body and his mind and those eyes, they burned into him, making him helpless and submissive and, oh god, Edward just wished it was _real_. Those burning lips descending onto his, those warm hands running up his arms and that hot, dry breath coasting over his cheeks as the Thing leaned back to watch his reaction. Unfortunately Edward, despite not knowing what to do, could feel his reaction all too well. He felt his half lidded eyes, his fast, panting breath, his limbs as they relaxed into the chair beneath him, he could feel that he had already submitted without realising he was doing it._

"Yes_," said the voice again.  
"_No_," said the other._

_The Thing reached out and ran its left hand down Edward's cheek tenderly. He shivered but also felt his eyes close in anticipation. This wasn't Capell, this _wasn't_ what he had dreamed of, this wasn't what he wanted but...but he felt bound to it somehow. He felt like he had finally found what he was made for, what he was duty bound to perform, that in a way he there was nothing to submit to because he already belonged to the Thing in front of him._

"_In the basement," it was saying; Edward focused on its words, "there is a jewel, an heirloom shall we say. It will fit perfectly into that wonderful machine you have planned to make. Do this for me?"_

_It asked so sweetly, with honeyed words, Edward didn't know how to resist them or if there was even a way to do it at all. He nodded feebly, his breath coming in sporadic pants as the Thing in front of him smiled, leaning in for another tender kiss._

"_Everything you desire," it said, hand running down Edward's shirt enticingly, "will be yours, I promise this of you. Do as I ask and I will see that you are content, I will care for you as you have cared for me."  
"Y-yes," Edward said without realising it, "I will. I...I promise."  
"My beautiful pet," I growled in its throat, grabbing Edward through the thin fabric of his trousers, seeming to revel in the pleasure and pain it caused, "you love so wonderfully. I will give you everything."  
"Please," Edward screwed his eyes shut and tried to regain control while losing it, "I can't..!"  
"Serve me," hot breath against his ear as It leaned in again, licking his throat viciously and biting at his exposed flesh, "submit to me, surrender, succumb. You will be my vassal, my knight!"  
"I...I don't, I..._please_!" Edward felt like he was losing his mind, the pleasure and the want and the denial and need and the terror all mixed together to form sheer confusion and eventual obedience._

_The knock at the door was sobering, however, and dragged his eyes open. He was panting, the Thing draped over him still, hand still teasing him, mouth still torturing him. There was complete quiet apart from his ragged breathing and the Thing's annoyed and possessive growl. 'Go away' was what Edward instinctively wanted to shout but he knew, somewhere past the delirium, that it would be Vic and there was no getting rid of that boy when he wanted something._

"_Come in," he said, sitting up quickly hoping to force the Thing off of him but only ending up with it practically sitting in his lap._

_Edward panicked. This wasn't a dream, he couldn't laugh this off, Vic was going to come in and see what he would think was Capell..!_

"_Ed, just had an update on that machine you're asking to be built," Vic let the door close behind him, keeping his keen eyes on Edward, "seems like it might take a little longer than you thought."_

_Edward sat frozen, eyes fixed on Vic, for thirty gruelling seconds waiting for a suitable reaction to the situation. Yet, after that, while Vic just looked confused and actually waved his hand in front of Edward's face while asking if he was even listening, allowed Edward to at least comprehend what was going on. He listened to Vic, while the vile Thing in his lap continued to amuse itself by manipulating Edward while he was trying to have a coherent conversation, trying not to show his arousal or confusion or fear or any of the other shameful emotions trying to tear their way out of his body. Vic seemed concerned, when Edward tried to cover a groan with a cough, but Ed managed to skilfully ward off any concern. Finally Vic left, the door closing with a decisive click and Ed physically relaxed back into the chair, allowing the Thing to continue its torture._

"_He-he couldn't see you," Edward ground out.  
"Very observant," it said, voice bubbling up as if boiling, "you are my vassal, you are my believer so only you can see me, only you can _feel_ me."  
"Don't..." Edward said with a grimace as the pleasure built to a churning pressure in his gut that tightened and tightened and...  
"Look at me," it said, grasping his chin, wild eyes staring into his as he climaxed._

_Edward shuddered violently, breathing uneven and loud. He had arched out of the chair in ecstasy, eyes screwed shut and now he slumped back further in relief. He opened his eyes hazily, noting that the Thing was no longer there before him. He sighed but it came out as more of a sob. He felt cold without its presence, alone and scared. Was he going mad, he thought? Was this it? No, no, this was too real for that. He had been chosen for this, this was what he was _for.

His office was beginning to feel too small, cramped, constraining. He felt tight in his own skin, pulling at the collar of his shirt; suffocating. He was glad, a little too glad, when Vic informed him that it was time for the inspection. Yes, Edward thought, outside, the plain, open air and sunshine. Freedom. Even his horse seemed impatient, stamping his feet and letting out loud whinnies as the stable boy unbarred the gates and allowed Edward and his cavalry escort out into the courtyard. The air was crisp, winters chill clinging to each gust of wind. Edward inhaled deeply, trying to take in as much as possible. His horse pawed the ground, nodding his head in swift jerks. Edward leaned forwards to pat his neck comfortingly.

"Come on," he said, kicking into the stallions flank.

No need to gallop, Edward thought giddily, but no need not to either. His escort did not comment, Edward thought dryly, but then why would they? He was their King, he could gallop if he wanted to gallop, he could trot if he wanted to trot, he could do as he damn well liked. He was the vassal of a _god! _Edward felt a grin stretch across his face, holding the reigns tighter as he neared the large encampment of scientists, researcher's and complicated equipment.

"Your Majesty!," came a familiar voice from his right as Edward and his escort trotted through the designated walkways, "Hey Ed!"

Edward reigned his horse in, having to fight against him a little to have him stop. The horse was a little wild today, Edward thought as he dismounted, handing the reigns to a waiting page. He looked around until he found the source of the call; Kiriya, looking very formal in his science white robes and hat. Edward laughed a little, hearing the recklessness in his tone. Kiriya just scowled, although Edward could see the apprehension in his eyes despite his carefree speech.

"Oh shut up, they're making me wear them," he said, turning to fall into step with the King as they walked towards the main pavilion.  
"White doesn't suit you at all," Edward said with a smirk.  
"Yes well it wouldn't suit you either," Kiriya said with little satisfaction, "I doubt either of us could pull off the virginal look convincingly."  
"Lucky I don't have to wear it then," Edward said with a shrug, "how are things going here?"  
"Oh we're on schedule," Kiriya said, "would have been easier if everyone here didn't have some rivalry or another hindering progress. It's like they all think others are going to get more data than they are, I'm starting to fear sabotage, honestly. I mean who would have thought scientists of all people would be so bloody petty?"  
"Oh I don't know," Edward said as they walked through the main entrance to the pavilion, the guards on duty snapping to attention, "I've thought that ever since I met you."  
"Nice," Kiriya growled back, watching as Edward handed his heavy riding cloak to another page who had been following him since he dismounted, "why don't we just get down to business?"

Edward consented and quickly, but with great formality, he was introduced to the entire population of the tent. All high up researchers of the university of what-not or such and such laboratory. Edward smiled and shook hands, not doing as good a job as usual of hiding his disinterest which quite a few seemed to notice by the looks on their faces. Edward made a mental note not to care. Didn't they know who he was?

They would soon, he thought with a rather vicious smile.

* * *

"So it's almost ready?"  
"Yes, your Majesty," the Headmaster shooed the workers out of the way to accord Edward a full view of his masterpiece.  
"Ah," Edward felt a surge of adrenaline, walking forwards to run his hand along the thick wooded planks which held the large circular structure in place, "it's perfect."

It looked so very simple, he thought, more so than it did on the parchment on which it was drawn. Yes, simple yet effective. He knew it was correctly proportioned because the book had said so, it was right, it would _work_. The two large circular beams of wood were balanced perfectly, slotted together to create the outline of a globe of sorts, intersecting at each apex. All around the outside were measurements of angles, large but crude gears, cogs and levers for adjustments, and then, suspended at the centre, the jewel, the crowning beauty. A perfect lens, a crystalline structure with no flaw, not one, which shone dully in the light of the tent, reflecting it in a focused beam into the cloth behind it. Edward marvelled at it.

"Would you mind awfully, your Majesty," the Headmaster asked as Edward continued to survey his work, "where you found such an exquisite piece of crystal? I've never seen such a flawless specimen..."  
"Royal heirloom," Edward said, smiling, "something I found, providential really, isn't it?"  
"Yes, of course, Sir," he said, agreeing fervently, "very much so."

Very much so, Edward repeated as he watched the light dance at the centre of his device, very much so indeed. Or so his new lord had told him anyway.

* * *

AN: Sorry this took so long! Trying my best to keep up to date with my stories but essay (and soon exams, eek!) is ruling my life, ugh! Ok, hope this is a suitable update! Maybe only three or four chapters of this left until the thrilling conclusion :O super excitement! Thanks so much for all the reviews and favourites/reminders!

To Hisdarkprincess: Thank you so much, I'm glad that you like my story even though it's not something you were looking for :D! And I'm glad you like my Edward, don't worry I won't leave him in angst mode for all of the story I promise. I hope this update satiates your needs a little, I'll try and update soon.

To vspirit: Thanks! I'm glad you like it! Hopefully you have enjoyed the update and I will try and keep the updates coming!

To ILoveAnimeVeryMuch123: Sorry that the translation disappointed, yeah it was pretty simple but I was trying to go for the idea of a puzzle piece slotting into place, something simple yet illusory that when found seems like it should have been obvious all along so it couldn't be too complex. Maybe it didn't come across very well, sorry :S ! And yes the last part did mean what you think it meant ;) oh yeah! (also sorry that your neighbours are rubbish, I hope you got some sleep at least!)

To albeltextra: Hey, thanks for reviewing and I'm glad you like! Hopefully this update isn't too horrendously late!

Maiko x


	13. Events Precluding an Ending

**Chapter 13**

**Events Precluding an Ending**

He could feel the air changing as the sun rose over the mountains. He hadn't slept. Not that he wasn't tired, not that he didn't want to sleep, just that he hadn't slept. Actually he was feeling rather exhausted, eyes itchy and dry, hard to focus, distracted, irritable.

Finally Edward felt the sunlight touch the skin of his fingers and shivered. Nothing was more beautiful to him, not in that moment, than that instance of sheer joyful bliss. He could feel it against his skin like a living, pulsing organism which caressed him. A tear slipped down his cheek and he couldn't tell, for a worrisome moment, whether it was from grief or happiness. The world outside was slowly brightening, like a mind slowly illuminated. Edward let out a shaky sigh and hung his head as the warmth crept slowly over his hand and up his bare arms, the hairs there raising on end.

'_How much longer?_'

Ed couldn't answer, he wasn't sure he even knew what the voice was asking him. How much longer until the eclipse? How much longer would he have to suffer this? How much longer until..?

A knock at the door snapped him out of his internal monologue. He looked over his shoulder at the door, one eye through his hair. This early in the morning the knock should have been his entourage of servants ready to dress him for the day.

"Come in," he said with little happiness.

Instead it was the last person he expected to see, although it didn't affect him the way it should have.

He should have been surprised to see Eugene's face poke itself through the open doorway. The last time he had seen his old friend he had been on the verge of a nervous breakdown and had, if he remembered correctly, basically told Eugene he never wanted to see his face again. Yet here he was. Was this what friendship was? His fingers twitched and he noted absently that Eugene's countenance was rather shocked. Ed looked away from him then, back to the shining glass before him.

He was beginning to forget things, like the associations between words. Friendship: it sparked something, deep, somewhere, but in reality the definition his mind supplied did not move him in the way Edward expected it should have.

"E-Ed..." Eugene finally managed; Edward heard him enter, before muttering something to someone beyond the door and then closing it behind him.

Edward didn't turn around. He felt Eugene moving around behind him but didn't feel the need to pay any further attention. So close, it was all so close. Not long now, he thought fervently, not long now. Not long until I get everything back, he thought, sparking that feeling again, disused, disconnected feeling. He felt a hand on his arm, pulling him gently around. He turned to find Eugene looking into his eyes. He was getting worse, he knew. He'd known that over the last two days people were becoming more and more worried about him. He could see it in Vic's eyes, along with the fear in his page and the other servants and valets and...he tried so hard to remember what he should be feeling when he saw that shock on their faces or their confusion. Feelings were hard to keep up with now that he'd become so very numb to it all. It was hard to keep up with the act of being fine when he wasn't really certain what 'fine' was any more.

"Didn't think I'd be seeing you any time soon," Edward said in a dull tone.  
"Well," Eugene sighed but his hand lingered on Edward's arm, loose but reluctant to let go, "this isn't an 'I forgive you' if that's what you were hoping to hear."  
"I wasn't hoping to hear anything," Edward said truthfully, ignoring Eugene's wince.  
"I don't have to be here you know," Eugene snapped before taking a deep breath as if to calm himself, "look, Vic wrote to me and a lot has happened that you don't know about yet, but that's not important right now."

Edward felt a twinge of interest at that morsel of information but was still too groggy and numb to truly take an interest. Eugene's eyes looked odd to Edward as the sunlight from the window reflected off his glasses. Edward frowned but ended up looking more lost than confused.

"Edward," Eugene said seriously, "I want you to be truthful with me. What's wrong? Are you ill?"  
"Couldn't sleep," Edward evaded skilfully, "but I'll be alright."  
"Edward" he still sounded angry, Ed noticed vaguely, "why are you doing this? Don't brush me off, everyone's worried about you..."

_Everyone's afraid of you_, Ed knew that was what he was omitting. He shrugged a little, feeling an intense shock of relief as the sun finally showed itself fully above the distant ridge. He let it blind his eyes a little, enjoying the feeling of submission. He looked back to Eugene who seemed very lost in the face of Edward's disturbing quiet, watching the black spot of the sun silhouetted on his vision dance across his face.

"There's no need," he said, walking over to his bed where he'd laid out his clothes hours earlier, running his hand over the soft fur, "everything's almost done. I'll sleep better once this is all over."

* * *

Tomorrow. Such a final word. Perhaps he wouldn't feel that way when tomorrow became today, but now, here, in this odd limbo, Edward felt that it was very, very final.

Tomorrow the eclipse would take place and everything would be solved. Edward wouldn't be lonely anymore because his wish would be granted. Tomorrow his lord would appear before him and offer him the world and he would take it. Tomorrow he would be powerful and respected and happy. Tomorrow none of this would even matter because Capell would be with him. Capell would be with him because Capell would love him back. Edward wouldn't have to worry about Aya or Dominica or Eugene or anyone else because everything would be taken care of.

'_Everything will be doomed_'

Edward ignored the voice but he couldn't help the shiver that ran up his spine. He shook himself and took in a deep breath, looking back to the page before him. There, on elaborately guilt pages, was a picture of his device. Streaming gold fell from the painted blue sky, reflecting onto the cerulean crystal floating at its centre. The large wooden beams were illuminated from the inside, creating a shell, a globe of pure sunlight. Edward wanted to touch the page but was afraid he would ruin it even while wearing the gloves the librarian Ghalt had given him. There, he thought as he looked on hungrily at the illustration, there it is. From the orb that was the jewel his lord had instructed him to use there streamed a long, intense golden beam which shot out in front of the device. There were small praying figures depicted in the path of the beam. Edward roughly translated the ancient Burghish that surrounded the illustration. A "vessel" was needed apparently. Someone to allow his lord to come to the earth and be one.

_'Allow the sun enter thee and become one, loyal servant'_

Edward remembered the translation well, the words that had pierced his soul and calmed his madness, replacing it with a new one. So he was to be this vessel, this honoured subject? His lord and he would become one and everything would be his, was that it? Edward smiled. Somehow this didn't frighten him the way he though it should have. Shouldn't he be terrified at the prospect of losing himself? He frowned. Shouldn't he? Was there something wrong? Edward re-read the passage again. He would have asked Ghalt to translate it properly but he didn't want any more suspicion thrown on him. His translation wasn't bad, he thought, but something was still wrong, something _felt_ wrong. What could it be?

* * *

Vic had told him Aya had turned up about half an hour ago and apparently needed to see him urgently. It was unexpected not just because he was sure she should be in Fayel finalising her wedding plans but also because Aya never showed up unannounced like this. However, despite the odd situation, Edward felt like telling Vic the truth, that he truly had neither time nor the want to see her. He thought better of it when Vic put his hands on his hips and added 'she looks really upset'.

Now that was news. What on earth could make her upset enough to come all the way here and seek his advice? He finished his work early, carefully storing the ancient tome he had learned all his knowledge from, carefully hiding his own hastily scribbled notes before heading to his private living room.

"I'm telling you Eugene he's gone and I don't know what to do! I don't know!"

Edward heard her before he saw her and wasn't overly happy at the prospect of a talk with Aya. Not now, not when he needed to _focus_. It was then that he finally processed her words. He found himself running into the room without realising he'd even started running at all.

Eugene had hold of Aya by the shoulders, standing before the fireplace, silhouetted before the flames. They both turned to look at Edward as he entered, one shocked and the other fiercely angry.

"You!" she shouted, "This is all your fault!"

On some level Edward felt hurt that she was angry at him, but it was somewhere deep down, buried, where he couldn't truly reach the feeling. The overriding thought, which blanked out all others, was panic. Aya's words were ringing in his ears.

"_he's gone"_

Edward felt sick. _Gone_. His greatest fear.

"Who?" he found himself demanding even as Aya turned from him in disgust, breaking Eugene's hold on her, "Who is gone? Capell, is he alright? Is he? Is it Capell? Gone, _gone!_?"

His voice cracked hysterically. He strode into the room and then stood there, all impetus leaving him suddenly. He felt cold.

Gone. Gone. Gone. Gone.

"Calm down Ed," Eugene said sternly, "I wanted to tell you about this earlier but you seemed...well, you seemed busy."  
"I seemed _busy_!" Edward shouted in his friend's face, "Gone? What do you mean by gone?"  
"I mean he left!" Aya finally turned from the fireplace and screamed at Edward; he could see her more clearly now, see the dried and fresh tear tracks, the reddened eyes, "I got back to the room and he had packed some things and gone. He left me this!"

She threw the crumpled piece of paper at Edward but he didn't have the gumption to catch it and it fell delicately at his feet. He was still coming down from the adrenaline high, the blood still surging in his veins, pumped by a hysterical heart. He wasn't _gone_...he was just missing. Missing was a whole different ball park than _gone_. Missing things could be found. Things which were _gone_ could not be.

He turned to look at Eugene, knowing that he looked a little lost. He was too drained to feel angry at him for not saying something earlier. Perhaps Eugene didn't tell him because he didn't want to scare him, just as Aya had ended up doing by saying '_gone_'. Eugene reached out and patted Ed on the shoulder which let him know he must look truly pathetic to have warranted such a gesture. Finally, ignoring Aya's baleful glare, he reached down and picked up the paper she had flung at him. It was badly creased, as if someone had balled it up and started to tear it in half before stopping. The first few words were entirely illegible, half missing as the corner had been torn off completely, and what was left smudged with tears. Ed did his best to read what was left, his heart beating fast even as his hands held steady.

'_...to tell you that I'm sorry, but I know that won't help. I've always loved you Aya, you know that even though you might burn this note before you even think about it at all. Always._

_But I can't lie to myself and I won't. I've been given a second chance and I can't waste it. Something is wrong, badly wrong, and only I can stop it. I know that now. Ed needs me and I can't leave him alone to fight this._

_Please forgive me Aya, I never meant to hurt you I promise, but I can't marry you._

_I was always such a coward before, I could never tell anyone how I felt because I was too scared of what _(here two words were illegible)_ of hurting someone else or myself. I can't afford to be afraid now. I tried to, I tried to tell myself that this was the right thing, that we could be together forever and I could forget that anything had even happened but _(there was a large gap here where Capell had obviously stopped and found it hard to keep writing) _Ed needs me and I need him too. I love him. I guess I always have, I was just so scared that I could never have what I truly want. I always used to take the easiest way out but I don't want to be that person anymore._

_I know you can't let me go and I'm sorry for asking you to. I'm sorry. Please believe me._

_Your love, forever_

_Capell_

Hastily scribbled at the bottom was added: _ Please don't blame Ed, this isn't his fault._

Ed stared at the note in his hand in dumbfounded shock. He could feel Aya's eyes on him, pain and hate and worry burning into him through her glare, but he couldn't react to it. He heard her loud footsteps but couldn't tear his eyes from the paper before him. He felt the slap though, hard enough to snap his head completely to the right, his cheek stinging hot.

"I do blame you," she hissed through a sob, "I do, I _do_. I'll never forgive you Ed, never!"

The paper was grabbed from his listless fingers before he heard her march past him and out of the door, which he'd mindlessly left open in his hurry to enter the room. She slammed it shut behind her.

Silence but for the crackling of the logs in the fire. Edward brought his head back to the centre, lifting his left hand to rub at the abused flesh of his cheek. He saw Eugene out the corner of his eye, moving to one the armchairs with defeated steps before falling into it tiredly. Edward followed his example, walking to the armchair opposite Eugene but sitting carefully. He thought he was in shock but perhaps, more accurately, he was desensitised, numb. He was sure it would seep back in soon, the feelings he should be having.

Capell had left Aya for him. Edward's heart beat a little faster. Capell _needed_ him. He...he loved him. It seemed to skip about in his chest, fluttering. Edward swallowed. It was the most intense feeling he'd had since the Thing had visited him a few days ago.

"So," Eugene said, breaking Edward's chain of thought completely, "going to tell me what it is that Aya will never forgive you for? She wouldn't let me read the note and she wouldn't tell me what's happening. All she would say was that Capell has gone missing and he isn't coming back to Fayel. Come on Ed, Capell's my friend too, you two aren't the only ones who are worried!"

Edward nodded briefly, lifting his eyes to meet Eugene's. The other man looked tired but defiant. Edward took in a deep breath and let it out again, feeling his muscles relax and his anxiety decline. The fire popped and cackled beside him, casting a warm, comforting glow over them both.

"Just before you all left to go back to Fayel," he realised that despite his disarray on the inside, his outer demeanour was calm and his voice steady, "I told Capell that I love him."

Edward heard Eugene's intake of breath, his shock, but didn't react to it. He just sat in his chair and calmly let the confession leave his mouth. He didn't feel relieved at telling someone else, he didn't feel ashamed either. He searched himself and found that he was feeling a little anxious about Capell being missing, that he was somewhere on his own where something could happen to him before tomorrow, before the eclipse, before everything would be alright.

"Why?" Eugene said finally, stupidly Edward thought.  
"Because I do," Edward shrugged, watching Eugene blink.  
"But you never...I never thought that," Eugene floundered, "why now is what I meant! How could you do that after he and Aya..?"  
"I almost didn't," Edward interrupted quickly, "while he was here and I could see him, talk to him, touch him it was fine. I could handle it as long as I could confirm that he was alright, that he was _here_ but...as soon as he said he was leaving it hit me. I couldn't Eugene, I just couldn't bear the thought of not knowing of not seeing of not having him near me. I was so _afraid_. I kissed him and he looked so shocked. I thought I should at least tell him why I had done it."

Eugene sighed heavily and shook his head, lifting a hand to rub his tired face.

"Look Ed I don't...I'm not blaming you and I'm definitely not picking sides, that's for sure. It's just that you could have been a little more sensitive about it couldn't you? For goodness sakes the man only just showed up again! Only just got engaged!"  
"Don't be ridiculous," Edward said with a frown, a sudden intense burst or anger seeping through the numbness, "would it have been more sensitive to wait until after he was married to tell him? Or perhaps you'd just be happier if I'd never told him at all, is that it? If I'd just let him and Aya be the perfect happy couple and I could watch from the sidelines, being forever alone, watching happiness play out as it's supposed to be, that about right? Continue to let you introduce me to women I'll never marry, continue living this farce of a life because other people say that they need me while everything that I've ever wanted gets given to someone else?"

Eugene was struck silent once more. He opened his mouth but seemed at a loss for words and closed it again. Edward's anger receded as quickly as it appeared, back under that warm, safe calm that enveloped him. He rubbed tiredly at his eyes then let his hand trail up through his hair.

"You never told me," Eugene sounded genuinely hurt, "why did you never tell me how you felt? I only ever introduced you to those girls because you seemed lonely and you never tried to make friends or find a partner on your own. You just went about your duty and it worried me that you were so isolate and-and how was I supposed to know that the reason you always looked so sad was because you were in love with someone else?"  
"You weren't," Edward said solemnly, "I never told anyone because I didn't think it mattered anymore. Capell was gone, that's what I thought. But then he just...blinked back into existence and suddenly all I could think about was keeping him close, of us being happy, _me_ being happy for once."

Ed shook his head, looking away from Eugene to watch the lambent flames licking up towards the chimney. Why was he telling Eugene this, a part of him wondered? Tomorrow none of this would matter, tomorrow Aya's anger would be insignificant, as would Eugene's disappointment. Tomorrow Edward and Capell would finally be together, like they both wanted to be.

"But what did the letter say?" Eugene pried needlessly.  
"He said..." Edward hesitated, almost afraid that saying it out loud would jinx it somehow, "he said that he couldn't marry her. He said that he loved me too."  
"Oh," Eugene said significantly as he leaned forwards, his elbows on his knees as he let his hands hang limp, "god this is a mess. You should at least apologise to Aya."  
"I don't see why," Edward said stiffly, "it's Capell's decision. Anyway she won't appreciate it and it won't make any difference. I know her better than you Eugene, when she says that she won't forgive me for this she means it."  
"Don't be obtuse," Eugene said but lacked conviction in his tone, "she will eventually."

Edward smiled with little humour and shook his head, letting it fall back against the soft cushion of the armchair.

"Did she think Capell would be here? Is that why she came?" Edward asked.  
"Yes," Eugene said, "she thought she would find him here. It is odd that he isn't really if he had made up his mind."  
"You're right," Edward said with little worry, "but I'm sure he knows what he's doing."

Everything would fall into place, he thought calmly as Eugene nodded unsurely. Tomorrow everything would become as it should have been from the beginning. Chaos would become order, the responsibility would be passed on and he could be free to love and be loved. Something was nagging at him though, something he wished would leave him alone in his serenity:

If Capell loved Edward, why did he need to help the Thing to gain a love he already had? And there was still something wrong with the ceremony which used his Device, something still wasn't right about it. Edward was so tired, he didn't want to think about it. The warmth from the fire was making him groggy and the shock revelation and subsequent explanation had taken up all of his energy. He felt like he should be worried but wasn't sure what by.

Edward closed his eyes and let the flames dance behind them. As if from a distance he heard that the voices.

'_He loves me_' said one voice  
'_So why are we still doing this?_' said the other.

* * *

AN: Oh deary dear, poor Edward! I just can't give the poor boy a rest can I? Ok, so it's finally wrapping up, I will have this story finished soon, which makes me a little sad because I really enjoy writing this one but will probably be good for my other stories as they need work too! Ok, so I hope you enjoyed the updates and thanks again for the reviews your support is very, very welcome!

Maiko


	14. Batter my Heart

**Chapter 14**

**Batter My Heart**

"A coward is incapable of exhibiting love; it is the prerogative of the brave."  
**Mahatma Gandhi **

Edward's doubt festered throughout the night, like a sore, a cancer, eating away at the flesh of his mind. He tried so hard to stay true to his determination, he _would_ do this, he could do it! Yet however vehemently he proclaimed his obedience the doubt simply doubled itself, and again, and again, exponentially filling the holes left behind, weighing him down with the thought of it all, his perfect, ideal life falling away from his grasp...

He awoke to tangled sheets and the dim glow of an early sunrise. He drew in deep shuddering breaths as the light filtered in through the window, slowly intensifying, slowly blowing away the dark strands of nightmare still clinging to his thoughts. He calmed himself, paced his breathing, closed his eyes, relaxed his hands from their intense grip on the duvet cover.

'_He loves me_' the nightmare echoed briefly  
'_But he isn't yours yet_' the light parried

Edward shook his head and squeezed his eyes shut until the light began to swirl and dance behind them. He rubbed at his face roughly with his hand and sighed. Tomorrow had become today, yet he didn't seem to feel any of yesterday's brilliant enthusiasm, any of its longing. Now it was tainted somehow, sour to the taste. This was what he had been waiting for, this would solve everything. Yet the thought of everything just righting itself without reason like that, without consequence...it didn't seem real anymore. It didn't seem plausible.

"No," Edward growled as the sunlight illuminated the room, casting a warm, comforting glow over his skin, "I promised, I said I would help. I _will_ do this."

Yet somehow, what had seemed so simple before, now did not seem attainable at all. Something still rankled, deep in his thoughts, irritating, scrabbling around. Suddenly his being happy and his blind obedience seemed mutually exclusive. The thought made him feel sick.

* * *

The book didn't reveal anything more, no matter how much he studied it, no matter how much he burned his eyes raw trying his best to decipher the intricate runes. His hands shook with the need to touch it but he couldn't; the feeling of the pages through the gloves just wasn't the same, he needed _contact_. Edward sat back in the chair heavily, scraping the feet against the stone floor, the sound echoing through the deserted library. It was still too early for most people to have arisen, still too early for Ghalt to be tottering around the cavernous hall searching through the books, but not too early for Edward to be up and worrying over his decision.

"What do I do?" he whispered to no one, "Why do I have to choose? Please...I don't want to make any more mistakes."  
"And here I thought you'd already made your choice," the voice should have scared him, but in all honesty it wasn't surprising at all.

What did make him jump were the two arms reaching round to encircle him from behind. He sat up straighter, jerking into the hold, and tried to steady his heartbeat. It's breath pooled over his throat and the deep burning chuckle it let out set the hairs at the back of his neck on edge. It tightened its hold possessively.

"You promised, my pet, did you not?" it said, mock sadness in its tone, "You promised to help me and yet here you are, studying, trying to understand your fate. Where is your faith?"  
"I...I just want to know what will happen," Edward said as reasonably as he could, swallowing as one of Its hands raised to stroke gently at his neck.  
"You don't need to worry about what will happen," It reprimanded lightly, "you just need to worry about making sure that your wonderful device works when it needs to and that you are there to supervise everything."  
"But..." he would have gone further if the hand at his throat hadn't tightened subtly, fingers moulding themselves to his jugular.  
"Knights don't ask questions," it said and Edward could have sworn he smelled burning but couldn't tell from where, "they obey, they submit. Isn't that right?"

Lips on his skin, a desperate warmth spreading from that contact, what he had _wanted_...

"Yes," Edward breathed out, closing his eyes, his tone almost confused, questioning as he said, "I promised, didn't I..?"  
"You did," It said, "and I won't forget my promise to you either. You will have what you desire."

Edward's eyes flew open as the Thing spoke, sucking in a quick breath that seemed to give him the courage to speak. He pushed up out of the chair brazenly, careful to twist out of the hold It had on his neck and stumbled backwards into the table. It stood there, wearing Capell's face as it had done every other time, looking at him with a blank expression. Edward found he was panting, the places where it had touched seemed to burn, sweat trickling from the abused flesh.

"What I want?" Edward said as if trying to remember something deeply buried, "What I want?"  
"Yes," It said coldly, none of the usual warmth in its voice, "everything you desire, but only if you do as you are told."  
"I..." Edward fought to remember, to _see_, "but I already have what I want. I have what I want!"

The Thing frowned at him, the look would have been almost comical if Capell's eyes hadn't held that unnatural glow behind them. Then it stepped around the chair, advancing on Edward slowly but purposefully. Edward wanted to retreat but found he couldn't command his feet to move, couldn't control his body as it stood, rooted to the spot, as danger lurked closer and closer. Why? Edward thought desperately, _why_!

"Oh I see," It purred out threateningly as it stopped before Edward, leaning forwards until it pressed him up against the table completely, placing a hand on either side of him, "you have what you want, do you?"  
"I..." Edward found it hard to breathe, as if the air around him were being burned away, "all I ever wanted was his love. I have that now! I have it, I don't need you to give me anything..!"  
"Have it, do you?" Edward winced and gasped for air as It leaned closer, lips almost touching his as his body shook with fear and defiance; it's voice seemed to rise as if from the earth itself, growing and growing, "Have it! You foolish, foolish being, so bound by your pathetic logic, your idiotic belief that you know everything! Have it, do you? What proof do you have that you have all that you desire, hmm?"  
"But, the letter?" Edward's mind was swimming, he felt light headed, it was hard to think.  
"Oh the letter, of course, and poor Aya's exclamation of hate, so very convincing to your poor mortal judgment!"

It tilted Its head back and laughed, a deep roaring sound like a furnace, the haze of heat and light almost overwhelming; Edward struggled to stay upright, his arms almost buckling under the assault. He shook his head, trying to comprehend what it was saying. The conviction which had built slowly in his heart was very quickly being quashed by the Thing's own self assuredness.

"You don't understand anything!" It roared joyously, as if revelling in its own power, "What proof do you have that any of this is your own doing, that any of this would have happened _without_ me, that any of this is even exists?"  
"What do you mean?" Edward wheezed out pathetically, eyes wide open with the fear that...  
"You don't," It whispered, such a contrast to Its earlier manner of speak that Edward had to strain to hear it, "you don't because you had no part in this. All of this, _all_ of this is my doing! This wonderful work of art that fooled you so wonderfully until now is _my doing_. I told you that I would give you what you desired, I promised you, and I have. Did you think that things had just miraculously fallen into place? That Capell just magically returned, magically decided that he loved you? That this wonderful illusion that you've fallen into wasn't odd in any way?"

Edward felt sick, bile rising in his throat. He fought it down, the nausea, the need to get it out of him, oh god get it out, _get it out!_ Oh god, oh god, it couldn't be true, this wasn't true! But the memories came rushing back so quickly that he couldn't stop them: the hand disappearing beneath the sand, finding Aya in the desert, Capell's mirage, Jareth, Setan, finding Dominica, the stampede, _Capell_...and the Thing there, on the flawless sand, glowing brightly and perfectly.

"Yes my pet," It said as it watched Edward's eyes glaze over, "you used to wonder why no one remembered what you had seen with your own eyes, didn't you? Then you stopped trying to remember because you had me to guide you, to help you, to give you everything. And here I have you, trapped inside this wonderful illusion that only I can make reality, this perfect place where slowly your life is falling into place, isn't that right? You feel so safe here, so very warm and cared for. Everything is going right for once, isn't it?"  
"No," Edward felt the sob leave his throat but knew it was futile.  
"You know it is true," It said, leaning in to grasp the back of Edward's head, pulling him forward to sear a kiss against his struggling, gasping lips before releasing him once more, "I control this fate and, if you defy me, everything will disappear, _everything_ that I worked so hard to create! Your building confidence, your confession, your unrequited love, the support of your _loyal_ friends, Capell returning your affections, Aya's consternation...you thought it was all real? I suppose I should take it as a compliment that something I created to be flawless turned out so well, so believable."

It stared at Edward's stricken countenance and smiled grotesquely, stroking Its free hand down the side of his face in a mockery of tender affection.

"I'm the one who brought him back," It said, each word stabbing at Edward like a physical blow, "from that wonderful full moon mimicking the day when he was born, when everything was just right! I'm the one who gave him second breath, second life, second function. My wonderful vessel, he will serve his purpose and he will make you obedient. You will obey me because, without me..."

It stopped as if savouring Edward's agony.

"...there is no Capell."

Ghalt was the one to find Edward, once more startled and worried out of his wits to find the King slumped on the floor, his back to one of the sturdy wooden table legs, face blank of expression. He managed to get him off the cold stone floor and into the chair then ran for the doctor. Edward didn't respond much to any of the further proceedings. He had to get to the planes, was all he could think, numbly, while the doctor looked at him with a worried expression and told him he should get some rest. Edward just nodded sadly, all energy gone, and asked if someone could help him back to his study. The guard on duty was more than willing, letting Edward lean on him as they walked through the corridor to Edward's private chamber. Edward thanked him absently and closed the door behind him, falling bonelessly into one of the large armchairs by the fire.

"Two hours," he said to himself, trance like, "two hours and everything will be fine. Everything will be alright again. Two hours."

Edward wished he could sleep, his body felt heavy, so _tired_, and yet he was so terrified of losing everything that he forced his eyes to stay open and stare at the clock on the mantelpiece on the other side of the room. Two hours, the thought revolved in his head even as the minutes continued to count down and down, two hours and he could be happy forever.

* * *

"Edward have you got a minute?" Eugene had spotted him walking past the main hall towards the stables; Edward tensed irrationally but continued walking.  
"Not even half a minute," he said tightly, throwing Eugene a look over his shoulder as the other man ran to catch up, "I have to be at the camp making sure everything runs smoothly."  
"Well then I'll come with you," Eugene offered.  
"I'm busy," Edward replied, noting how very icy he was being, "please Eugene I've got a lot to think about, I don't need any more added to my plate."  
"Come on Ed, this is important," Eugene said, following him into the stables and watching Ed as the groom helped him mount his horse.

Ed reigned the wild creature in as the stallion snorted and threw its head back and forth, whinnying loudly. The groom grabbed the bridle and held the horse down, eyes shocked by the usually calm horse's behaviour. Eugene stepped back from the creature as it continued to resist, frowning. He looked back to Ed, noting his seeming ignorance to the event at all.

"Fine," Edward bit out as Eugene opened his mouth, "take one of the other horses and ride in with me but hurry up, I'm not waiting for you."

Eugene didn't pass up his chance. The groom led him to one of the other horses prepared for the guests, mainly the few scientists who had been staying at the castle who rode out every day to check their equipment. Eugene was given a sturdy fawn coloured mare with a white mane and a very good nature, which Eugene was very grateful for. No later had he mounted the horse and set his feet in the stirrups than Edward flashed past him, bucking the wild stallion into a fierce gallop through the courtyard and out the gates. Stable hands were forced to dive to cover and the even the guards watched the horse warily as they steadied their own mounts and made to follow as an escort. Eugene went with them at a more acceptable pace, trying to ignore the awkward silence Edward left in his wake.

Edward arrived at the camp three minutes after departing the castle, forcing his horse into an agitated trot as he picked his way through the tents in search of the one tent he needed to get to. When he found it he could barely stop the horse from rearing on his hind legs, forced to jump from the wild thing as it bucked and whinnied. The nearby scientists all looked on in shock as Edward simply abandoned his horse in the middle of a walkway, allowing it to trot off into the planes unattended. They muttered to each other while Edward simply ignored them, throwing back the curtain of the tent that housed his precious device. There were three apprentices in the tent, along with Kiriya and a scientist from Kotlon, who were conversing intensely. Kiriya looked up in surprise as Edward stormed into the tent, eyes wild.

"I need this," he said pointing to the device, "out on the field in the position I specified, now."

There was an awkward silence as everyone just stared at Edward. Kiriya was the first to break himself out of the shock.

"Nice to see you too," he said sarcastically, "and I was just about to have it moved in a minute, we have plenty of time you know."  
"What is it about the word 'now' that you don't understand?" Edward said darkly, making Kiriya start back from him without knowing quite why he did so, and the others in the tent gape, "If it isn't out there in ten minutes I won't be held accountable for my actions."

With that he left, ignoring the outraged muttering that started as soon as they thought he was out of earshot. Edward didn't have time for this, didn't they understand that he didn't have _time_ for this? He was so close, so very close, and everything had to go just right or everything would be lost. The full moon had been the perfect time to bring Capell back, It had said, and now the Eclipse was the perfect time to bring his lord to the earth. Edward shuddered and swallowed down his resolve even as the voices in his head raised to such a clamour that it was hard not to clutch at his head in pain. They didn't want him to do it, they told him it was a trap, some terrible, elaborate trap. He couldn't listen, didn't they understand that he couldn't listen!

He walked until he was clear of the tents, a little ways out into the plane where some of the more eager scientists had already set up their equipment and were steadily checking over the mechanisms and making notes. Edward ignored them. Everything was so close and yet so far away. All of this wasn't a reality which was supposed to exist, all of this would become real as soon as the device worked and pulled the being into him, consuming him, becoming him. Everything would be his and Capell would be alive and well and everything would be alright!

He slumped to the ground and put his back against a large beam of wood which was supporting a huge telescope. No one could see him here, Edward thought fervently as he stared up into the sky. The sun shone brightly through the thin air, not a cloud in sight, and there, on the right, edging fatefully across the sky was the moon. Edward watched with a feeling of utter helplessness as the oddly small moon lined itself up for a collision course, ready to blot out the light of the sun and cause some dreadful, wonderful event. He noticed, absently, that his hands were shaking and he felt nauseous again. This shouldn't be his decision, he thought wildly, why should he have to decide? He was selfish, Edward knew that, and he was so tired of being alone, of being afraid, that he would do anything to have it stop. The Thing promised it would help him and it had already created a perfect world where Capell loved him, and now he was paying it back.

Edward lowered his vision from the lofty sky back down to earth, noticing a group of burly men, a few scientists in their designated white robes and Kiriya, discernable only because he was now refusing to wear the white robes and was dressed in his trademark green. They were, carefully and steadily, moving his device out into the vast expanse of green grass to the place where the book had told him to put it. Edward watched them with a sense of foreboding and joy. He stood up shakily. He looked back to the sky, noting just how much closer the two astral bodies had come while he was distracted. He began to sweat under his riding cloak. He wasn't sure how long he stood there, listening to the conversations around him, yelled orders, the crescendo of sound building and building, but minutes seemed like seconds to him as fate spiralled away beyond his control. Things were coming to a climax and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

"Edward!" Eugene's voice broke him from his reverie, "God damn it, where did you go!"  
"I told you to keep up," Ed said distantly as he watched Eugene stumble towards him, out of breath, leaning over for a moment with his hands on his knees, "I'm busy."  
"And I told you it was important!" Eugene said back sternly, eyes narrowed, "you've become such a heatless bastard recently Edward that I don't know why I keep coming back, but I guess that's my own fault more than yours."  
"I suppose you're right," Edward said, voice almost complete blank of emotion.  
"For god's sake Edward!" Eugene barked, "Show a little emotion, don't you care about anything anymore?"

Yes, Edward thought desperately, _yes_!

"Stupid me," Eugene said sarcastically, "I didn't want to disturb you when I knew you'd be busy so I came to find you before you left but you were already rushing out of the castle by then. Capell is here to see you, but now I have to drag him out here, while he's trying not to be seen because he doesn't want any questions right now, just to talk to you!"  
"What?" Edward started badly, thoughts thrown completely to the wind, "Capell is here?"  
"What did I just say to you?" Eugene said angrily, "I told him I'd find you but he followed me out here anyway. God knows where he's wandered off to now..."

Edward didn't stop to hear any more of Eugene's ranting speech. A terrible, swelling fear had forced its way into his stomach and it spread to his legs, making them run, to his ears, allowing his to ignore Eugene's angry shouts. Something was calling him, he heard it, he had to get to the device, it was almost time now, all the voices around him were murmuring excitedly, all the scientists ignoring him as he ran and ran, all the voices in his head yelling so loudly that he could barely discern them anymore. Edward's lungs burned for need of air, his legs for need of rest. He felt weak and terrified and exhilarated.

"There you are, where have you been?" Kiriya admonished as Edward ran up to his group, including the Headmaster Ed noted absently, "First you demand that we bring it out immediately and then you disappear for nearly an hour! It's almost time you know..."  
"I know," Edward interrupted through ragged panting breaths, "have you...have you seen Capell?"  
"Capell?" Kiriya frowned, stopping his incessant note taking to stare at Edward as if he were mad, "What on earth would Capell be doing _here_?"  
"I don't...he's," Edward tried to stop stumbling over his words but the terrible fear was taking over his body and he could hardly speak through it, "he's here..."  
"I don't have time for this," Kiriya huffed, "your device is ready as far as I can tell, all to your specifications, you know Ed you never even old me what this was for and..."  
"Ed!"

Edward felt his vision blur as he heard his name called by that perfect voice. He turned, stumbling, as Capell ran towards him, like fate turning on the wheels of time, waving his hand above his head. Edward felt the world tilt from side to side, the chattering of the scientists falling from its crescendo to an awful silence as the world began to dim. Capell barrelled into him, those wonderful, real arms encircling him completely in a tight hug. So different from the Thing that wore his face, Edward thought with a dreadful finality, just like his dreams, just like he'd always wanted. Safe and warm. He felt his arms come up to hug him back, tears streaming down his face.

'It's not real' screamed the voice in his head.

Edward couldn't listen, he thought desperately as the shadow of the eclipse began to descend over the plane, as the crystal in his device began to glow, as Capell began to speak, but he couldn't hear a word.

'You know what's going to happen!' the voice sounded so sincere, and he was so afraid, 'It's a trick!'

Edward shut his eyes, he didn't want to know, he just wanted everything to be real and Capell's warm embrace to be all around him forever. Without this he had nothing, with it he had everything. He clutched Capell closer and tried to stop the voice from screaming.

'It's not you, it's not _you_!' it said over and over and over again until Edward couldn't stop the realisation as it hit him.

_"You can see it?" Capell hissed, his voice strained.  
...a large blister red circle spanning from his shoulder blades to the small of his back...licking flames. In the middle...a glyph.  
"Edward," Sigmund's regal voice answered, typically devoid of comfort, "I thought I told you to look after Capell."_  
_You know who I am, King. You've only forgotten.  
'Allow the sun enter thee and become one, loyal servant'  
__There were small praying figures depicted in the path of the beam__..._ _A "vessel" was needed apparently  
Shouldn't he be terrified at the prospect of losing himself?_..._Shouldn't he?_..._something _felt_ wrong. What could it be?  
In the middle...a glyph!  
Capell's scar.  
"My wonderful vessel, he will serve his purpose and he will make you obedient"__  
It needs a vessel, a Vessel, a VESSEL...  
...and it's not you._

Capell was between Edward and the Device.

The beam would hit him first.

Capell _was_ the vessel.

Decide.

* * *

AN: Sorry but I couldn't help but finish this on a cliff-hanger. It can go either way from here and it may be a little while until the final chapters as I have an essay due for Wednesday (boo) and I need to start getting it together. I apologise in advance and promise to do my very best! Thanks again for reviewing as it has driven me to write faster than ever before :D hopefully I can keep it up :S ! I will reply to your reviews as soon as possible, promise!

Ps: The title is take from John Donne's '_Holy Sonnet 14'_. I love it so much and it is very appropriate to this story so I'm going to put it here at the end in case you feel like reading it! John Donne is amazing *sigh*.

John Donne

HOLY SONNETS.

**XIV****.**

Batter my heart, three-person'd God ; for you  
As yet but knock ; breathe, shine, and seek to mend ;  
That I may rise, and stand, o'erthrow me, and bend  
Your force, to break, blow, burn, and make me new.  
I, like an usurp'd town, to another due,  
Labour to admit you, but O, to no end.  
Reason, your viceroy in me, me should defend,  
But is captived, and proves weak or untrue.  
Yet dearly I love you, and would be loved fain,  
But am betroth'd unto your enemy ;  
Divorce me, untie, or break that knot again,  
Take me to you, imprison me, for I,  
Except you enthrall me, never shall be free,  
Nor ever chaste, except you ravish me.


	15. In One Long Yellow String I Wound

**Chapter 15**

**In one long yellow string I wound**

They say that time stands still in the face of decision.

'_How dare you smile! How dare you! Why would Sigmund sacrifice himself for _you_? I'll never forgive you for this..!'_

Edward knew he was self-centred, he found it hard not to react to situations without thinking about them first. That had been the main reason he had taken a dislike to Capell in the first place, with his lack of resolve and his cowardly actions Ed had thought him a useless article. Taking Sigmund away from him was merely the feather that broke the camel's back. Ed thought he could never recover from that loss.

'_Someone help me, please, anyone..!'_

Until the vermiform, until he was almost lost, until Capell reached out and put his life on the line to save his, until he realised that it wasn't hate, it had never been hate, but fearful love that he felt for Capell. He swore to himself that he'd never lose that again.

'_I have to do this Ed, it's the only way.'_

Then the moon, cutting the final chain and _leaving_ him there to die. Edward knew his heart was broken and he didn't even know where to start in fixing it...until now. Now he'd been given a second chance and he was going to throw it all away? Was he mad? Did he want to die?

They say that time stands still, but in reality it was only Edward's hindered sense of reality, watching events play out before him in flashing images of memory and present. Perhaps that's what it was, perhaps it was some effect of the blinding corona that set everything alight in its cold, fire like blaze. Maybe it was the shock of realisation, that Edward had been blinded by his own selfish love enough to completely lose touch with reality. That the man in his arms didn't truly love him so much as he was forced to, that the desperate panic and loss of sanity that had ensued since Capell's return was somehow engineered simply to make him obedient. Edward felt the comprehension crawling beneath his skin. He pulled Capell closer to him, holding him tightly, firming his resolve even as the other whispered in his ear...

"I love you."

Edward had never held Sigmund's sword before. The Liberator had always been oddly possessive of the weapon, perhaps another reason Edward had so resented Capell being given it with seeming ease mere hours after Capell and Sigmund had first met. His hand fit comfortably around the hilt, surprising him. He wasn't used to one handed weapons, it threw him off balance a little as he lifted it from the sheath strapped to Capell's side. It was lighter than it looked, gleaming in the pale darkness. Capell looked shocked as Ed stepped around him, his eyes blank and determined and resigned. He called out to him but Ed couldn't hear him for the roaring of his own blood in his ears. Kiriya watched him with a sense of tense foreboding, dropping his notes as he watched Edward march purposefully towards the Device, the crystal within now glowing and spinning wildly at its centre. The scientists were too distracted, all concentrating on their own work, their own studies and their own wants.

Edward watched the jewel begin to pulse, building and building and building. What would happen, he wondered absently, if he were to stop now? What would happen if the beam hit him instead, entered his body, unnaturally possessing his life, going against the will of the God? Contrary to before, seconds now passed like minutes, like hours. Edward seemed to stare into its depths forever as it scintillated and spiralled before him, contrasting to the growing darkness that enshrouded the planes in mimicry of night.

A lie. That's what would happen. Everything would be a lie; a terrible, rotting existence where he couldn't tell real from fake. Perhaps he wouldn't even _want_ to, he thought as he heard Capell running up behind him. Things would be so easily perfect that he would fall into it and never be able to find his way back out because he wouldn't want to. No, no it couldn't be like that, he couldn't let himself become what he would loathe the most. He felt himself raising the blade as he'd seen Sigmund do so many times before. He heard Kiriya's voice but wasn't sure what he'd said. He felt reality resting in the palm of his hand, fragile, shivering like the light refracted in the crystal, timid before him...and in his mind's eye he closed his hand into a fist, crushing it into a shattering of a million glistening pieces. The blade arced through the gem with more ease than Edward had expected.

Everything fell very, very silent, as if sound itself had been muted by the tragedy of the event. Edward watched, detached, as the shards of crystal floated outwards from the focal point of the blow, still glowing, still _alive_, yet now defunct. He dropped the sword to the ground but didn't hear it hit. Had he done it, he thought distractedly, was this it? Had he saved everyone? Had he doomed himself, doomed Capell? Had he made the right choice?

Then, as if compensating for the sheer silence that had preceded it, Edward could hear the building sound of breath, as if someone was inhaling, louder and louder and _louder_. He put his hands over his ears in defence but even that did little to blank out the earth shattering scream that exploded into existence as the crystal shards finally began to fall to the ground. Edward was blown off his feet with the force of it and the shrieking continued. He wanted to see, he thought wildly as he fought to keep his hands firmly over his ears, was everything still here? Had he won? Had he? Please, dear god, don't let it have been in vain. But the sound was immense and immeasurable and he felt a building wind whipping at his face, drawing him forwards onto his knees. He managed to open his eyes and saw, with horror, that the Device was slowly but surely buckling inwards, screeching and screaming as it went, imploding into the centre as it crumbled back out of existence.

No, Edward thought, what have I done? He was powerless to fight the pull of the things gravity, as it howled and cried and he tried his best to dig his feet in and fight the pull. He looked around but could not see Capell. Kiriya and the others were in a similar state to himself, clawing at the ground and trying to find purchase as the wind whipped around them, growing more and more violent as it sucked everything in, pulling reality itself into its maw. Edward finally let go his ears, subjecting himself to the terrible wailing so as to try and take hold of something to stop himself being dragged in. He managed to grab at a solid iron peg stuck into the grass which had been used to tie something down in case of wind. What a horrible coincidence, Edward thought as he felt himself lifted from the ground, his fingers aching as he tried his best to hold on. He looked up, watching as the eclipse itself began to melt around the edges, the sky itself being pulled in towards the Device as it screamed and screamed and tore everything from its very foundations. The cliffs themselves began to crumble, waves of grass torn from their roots, scrabbling, terrified wolves and foxes yelping as they were dragged against their will across the plain. Everything was decaying, being ripped apart, _destroyed_. What have I done? Edward felt everything slipping away from him. What had he _done_? And then...

'Let go' a voice said, audible even above the clamour of shrieks and screams and the howling of wind.

Edward felt so hollow and yet manic. He couldn't, he was too afraid. He'd made a mistake, he thought he could make this _right_ but all he'd done was destroy the only reality he'd ever wanted.

'It will be alright Edward,' the voice said steadily, 'let go'

Perhaps it was just his imagination, perhaps it was simply another trick of this illusion that surrounded him, but the voice that was trying so calmly to guide him to what looked like destruction sounded oddly reminiscent of Sigmund. Calm, controlled and in charge. Edward had obeyed even before he knew exactly what he was doing. His fingers lost their death grip on the iron peg, his body became weightless as it flew ineluctably towards the gaping vortex. He closed his eyes and hoped beyond hope that this was the right thing to do.

* * *

It wasn't the sunlight that woke him, as he had become so accustomed to, but a knock at the door.

Edward blinked, staring at that familiar ceiling as if it had simply popped into existence. Which, for him, in a sense it had. He felt the bed beneath his body, cradling his weight, the soft covers against his fingertips, the soft nightclothes against his skin.

Again came the knock. He sat up slowly and rubbed at his eyes. Everything...was here. He looked down at his hands and felt a smile tugging at his mouth, as his fingers curled into his palms and he brought them to his chest, sighing in relief, in joy, in pain.

Whoever had knocked became too impatient to wait any longer. The door cracked open and Vic stuck his head around the door. On seeing Edward he frowned, looking anything but amused. Normally this would have set Edward on edge, he remembered how distanced he had become from everyone, how detached and now he could be himself again.

Wasn't that right? Wasn't it? Then why didn't he?

"Are you still in bed?" Vic sighed, walking into the room and closing it behind him.  
"What does it look like to you?" Edward said sarcastically, forcing himself into the role.  
"Ha ha," Vic replied, "you're hilarious. I mean it Edward you're going to be late for your meeting if you don't get up now."  
"Meeting?" he said, wondering just what had happened.  
"Yeah, you know, the environmental meeting," Vic said with a roll of his eyes, as if used to Edward's forgetfulness, "Kiriya's gonna chew you out if you don't get there on time."

That meeting, Edward thought hollowly. A day after the full moon, just as the Thing had said, just after Its 'illusion' would have been put into play. It had worked, he thought, trying to be glad, he had done the right thing, he had made the right choice. Hadn't he?

Someone _please_, tell me I have.

* * *

Long strings of yellow sunshine played on the walls. The words surrounded him like air currents, flowing over him but not penetrating. Somehow, even though he vaguely remembered there having been some sort of tussle between Kiriya and the others on that day, as per usual, and his having to intervene, Edward couldn't summon the energy to concentrate on the meeting at all. He watched the other people at the table as if they were extraordinary specimens, their very movements and ability to act so very normal in these bizarre circumstances enthralled Edward. He nodded when spoken to, gave vague replies and it became clear quite quickly to the others that he wasn't focused on the present at all. In fact he seemed to be on another planet.

Well, almost right.

Kiriya had tried to grab him after the meeting, his sharp eyes narrowed with curiosity, but thankfully Edward managed to side step him as the other scientists and headmasters waylaid him with questions. It was only a quick few turns down the stairs and along the corridor and Edward knew he was safe. Safe from questions, yes, but from everything else...he wasn't sure. He knew he still hadn't accepted that any of this was real, he was still in shock, still refusing. Still seeing, still hearing, still feeling it all. Everything had happened and yet it had not happened. Everyone else was allowed to live in their ignorance, in their bliss, everyone but Edward. He had to remember, remember that it was he who pulled the plug on the life of another to save everyone else, and no one even knew that it had taken place.

Always sacrificing, never gaining, always losing something. The sun continued to shine brightly in the sky and Edward felt slightly shy of walking through the beams that illuminated the corridor he was now heading down. A familiar path that before had seemed so alien, deep cobbled corridors and stairs, leading down and down until he reached the cool, dim library. The musky smell of books, new, old and ancient. Ghalt, at his place in front of his desk, head bent, ignoring everything but his work. One thing he had thought about during the meeting had been a vague idea for a contingency plan. Just in case all of this could happen again, _ever_ again, Edward had thought that it was better to be safe than sorry. Also because he wouldn't trust his own resolve to stand up to the temptation to have everything back if it was offered. Edward knew his own weakness and he wasn't keen to test it a second time. He wouldn't leave himself the option.

The library's long corridors spread out before him. Edward looked on dispassionately. It would be down here, he thought, if this wasn't some sort of illusion. It would be down here waiting for him to open it. His feet felt heavy as he dragged himself across the cold floor, stalking down one of the long isles of books into the back where the ancient tomes were hidden away. He found it easily enough, having already known its location, and again engaged the assistance of the librarian and the guards outside to have it brought out onto one of the tables. Ghalt seemed a little put out and Edward couldn't help but smile at the thought of his annoyance at performing such a trivial act. Edward was almost concerned that the man might have a heart attack on seeing what Edward was about to do.

Edward requested the candle for light and was amazed that Ghalt didn't launch into a spiel about fire safety around the books. His work must have been particularly fascinating that day because he handed the three pronged candleholder to the king and scurried back to his table, muttering the entire way. Edward watched him go absently before looking up to the three quavering flames he held in his hand. They danced in an unseen draught as if impatient. Edward smiled slightly, wondering how much more he wanted to doom himself before placing it onto the table next to the open tome and then, ever so accidentally, knocking it full onto the open pages. The wax jumped out first and landed in heavy, white patches over the ornate writing followed swiftly by the greedy flames. The book was a perfect fuel of crisp, dry papyrus and Edward was glad he didn't have to wait long before he knew that alerting Ghalt to the accident would not give the librarian time to preserve a single sheet of it. The reek of smoke followed Edward as he ran to the little old man who, very much as Edward had thought, shrieked and toddled faster that Edward had ever seen him move before calling for water out into the corridor. Edward watched him go with a small smile, trying his best to look repentant as the now charred book was doused, sending rivers of black ashes over the floor.

Suffice to say Edward was banned from the library. Not that he minded in the slightest.

The gem was next. Edward found it in the vault, just as he had before, sitting in a box along with a few other precious pieces from the previous king's collection. It looked just as innocuous now as it did then. Perhaps it _was _innocuous, Edward thought, perhaps it was only in the illusion he'd been trapped in that it had any power at all. Perhaps here, in reality, it was simply a precious jewel created to look impressive on the front of a crown. Edward twirled it between his fingers, watching the light scintillate in its depths. The memories it stirred made him feel sick. He found that he enjoyed crushing it beneath his blade more than he really should. The good mood he'd managed to fall into had swiftly dissipated and he tried his best to avoid eye contact with anyone as he made the long trip from the vault up to his study.

Edward had forgotten Lila would be there but was glad, in a guilty way, that at least he didn't have to deal with Vic's unusually tight scrutiny while he was trying to get himself back to normal. Lila was wonderfully accommodating and happy to do anything Edward wished, like bring him some tea and then tell everyone he wasn't available. Edward slumped down in his chair, tea sitting neglected and cooling on his desk, and stared at the far wall. He sighed, looking up at the portrait which once more hung behind him. Sigmund's face seemed oddly transformed; the reason he'd taken it down before was his own cowardice and fear, the judgment he saw in those amber eyes. Now he looked oddly kind, approving, and Edward became irritated by his own projected feelings. Why on earth would Sigmund approve of essentially wiping his own son from existence? But the Liberator would approve of him saving everyone from the tyranny of a second god, wouldn't he? Edward would rather not think about the duplicity of that headache and decided instead that he needed some air.

"Lila, I'm going out for a couple of hours," Edward said, talking over her flustered protests, "please take messages and I'll be back soon."  
"Yes Edward sir," she all but yelped, mouth open to ask something that he never heard as he rushed out into the corridor.

This had been the day Edward received the message from Aya, the one that had turned his life upside down and inside out and then back again. He wondered what Aya was doing now, whether it was just a normal day for her in the palace? Probably, Ed thought, as he sat in his usual haunt on the cliffs overlooking the plains. It was pleasantly cool, although the strong breeze was indicative of the windy day it was to become. It sounded almost musical, Ed thought hollowly, the wind, a breathy melody that made him feel calmer than he should. He sighed and lay back in the grass, closing his eyes and trying to forget. The music only seemed to become more audible, breathy notes turning to actual staccato bursts. Edward sat up so quickly he made himself dizzy.

Not possible.

He spun around on his knees, ripping up grass as he stumbled to his feet and surveyed the plateau behind him. There, underneath one of the few trees that adorned the sprawling grassy shelf, was a lone figure leaning with their back to the tree, facing away from him. Edward felt fear and hope crawl in equal shares up his spine. He wasn't even aware his legs were moving until he stumbled, picked himself up and ran. The music grew louder and hauntingly more familiar. Capell had never been as good on that flute as he liked to think he was. It was more the fact that Capell was doing what he wanted with his life rather than submitting to the scorn of those around him for being an unblessed that Edward admired than his actual ability to play. Right now, however, Edward didn't think he'd ever heard a sweeter sound in his life as he raced across the grass. He was so out of breath when he reached the tree that he had to double over and hold his knees to get his breath back. When he looked up, dizzily, Capell was standing in front of him, holding his flute to his chest and looking oddly surprised.

They stared at each other for an awkward moment, one in which Edward became acutely aware that this could be an elaborate trap, just as before. The thought, mixed with the surging hope that this was as real and legitimate as it looked and the lack of oxygen to his brain was enough to keep him speechless for a minute or two. Capell also stayed quiet, looking shyly at his feet.

"You..." Edward finally managed out, "is it really you?"

Stupid question Edward, he berated himself, even if it isn't him.

"Uh," Capell fidgeted, looking up and gripping his flute even more tightly, "yes it's me."  
"Right," Edward was encouraged by the fidgeting; it was a very Capell thing to do, "good."

He took the opportunity to sit down. His legs felt a little weak. This was all too much, this couldn't be real. Edward was never this lucky. He was the unlucky one, as he had proven many times over, if anything bad was going to happen it would happen to him. He never really got a break and never, not in a million years, one as wondrous as this. He looked up from his seat in the shade of the tree and watched Capell's face. Capell's eyes were glued to him as if desperate for him to speak but too timid to speak himself.

"How?" was all he could think to ask, amazed by how calmly he was taking this, "I thought that...that _thing_ brought you back."  
"So did I," Capell's voice was quiet and he cleared his throat, trying to sound more confident, "for a while. Until I, uh, woke up yesterday. Just like before, it was just like before."  
"But..." Edward stalled, still fearing betrayal, "how is that possible? Is everything just going to-to happen all over again!"  
"I don't know," Capell shook his head, "you remember everything, don't you?"  
"Yes," Edward nodded, realising with a sinking feeling in his gut that the only reason Capell was asking that question was because Capell remembered everything too.

Remembered Edward's confession, remembered Edward's love...and ineluctably remembered Edward's final choice.

"Maybe it..." Capell had a strained smile on his face, "I mean perhaps it lied to you. We never really got much information before everything, well..."

Capell didn't have to finish, Edward knew what he was referring to. If there was one thing that Edward wished Capell wouldn't remember it was Edward's rather spectacular displays of self-indulgence while under the influence of the illusion. It hadn't exactly painted him in the best light. Of course Edward also remembered Capell's own confessions under the duress of the illusion. He watched Capell's face closely, wondering whether he even really wanted to know the answer to the question he was going to ask. Edward stood up and brushed himself down.

"You-" he hesitated, swallowed, continued, "when you came back last time, I mean before, you went to Fayel."

Silence. Edward continued.

"Not this time?" he said trying to keep the hope out of his voice.  
"No," Capell said, hands twisting around his flute, "not this time."  
"The first time I saw you after I'd heard you were back," Edward pushed, "you were engaged. Not this time?"  
"...Not this time," Capell said quietly.

Damn it this was harder than the first time, Edward thought guiltily. Considering everything he'd done he wasn't surprised by this, just annoyed. He'd been so calm before when he'd told Capell how he felt, under that euphoric influence of the god he'd felt safe enough to do anything. Now, under the influence of only his own courage and conviction, Edward struggled to reaffirm his own affections. In a way, uncomfortably, he felt the need to confirm that Capell truly felt the same way about him before he would consider admitting his own feelings again. Considering he was the one to ruin everything it made Edward feel a little sick with guilt.

"Why did you come here?" he asked.  
"I...when I woke up this time I remembered," Capell looked awkward but, despite this, he forged ahead, "I remembered everything that had happened and it frightened me. I thought, I mean, I thought it was happening again, some sort of horrid cycle that would spin on forever and no one else would know it was happening. I felt alone."

Edward grimaced, feeling responsible even though it wasn't his fault.

"Then I remembered that you were the only other one who noticed anything was different, you were the only other one who could see the scar," it was a reasonable explanation, Ed thought, so why did it hurt so much to hear it? "I thought if anyone would be able to help, it was you Ed."

Edward nodded and looked away, back towards the cliffs. It hadn't been what he'd hoped for, but perhaps he could live with that for now. The clouds careened across the sky as the wind picked up. Sure in his resolve he looked back to Capell and felt it suddenly scattered to the wind. He still loved him, no matter what he did, Edward couldn't change that. He loved him, he always would, and he couldn't stand the thought of not knowing whether that feeling was returned. Especially now that Capell had basically told Edward how he felt; yet that seemed nothing more than a dream now. Edward needed to know, he was fooling himself if he thought friendship would ever be enough between them. The thought of this being a trap or even the herald of the same horrible debacle as before had become completely eclipsed by Edward's own feelings.

"Capell I..." he choked on the words, trying to think of the best way to do this without setting himself up for defeat, "you do remember everything, don't you?"

Capell nodded, shifting from foot to foot. The wind tousled his russet hair, making him look younger than he already did. Edward pressed on despite the lack of confidence Capell's stance inspired him with.

"Then..." he stalled again, unsure what to say, "only I..."

Thankfully, despite Capell's lack of time under Sigmund's tutelage, he seemed to have inherited the family gene of practicality. Something Edward sorely lacked at the best of times. That was why Capell was the one who took the two steps forwards and grabbed Edward by the shoulders. Yet Edward's own desire and hope were enough to make him be the one to take Capell's face in his hands and kiss him. They stumbled against each other and, somehow, Edward ended up pushing Capell up against the tree, one hand threading through that incredibly soft hair, the other sliding down Capell's left side to clutch possessively at his waist. Capell moaned throatily into the kiss, opening his mouth willingly when Edward pressed his tongue against his closed lips. Edward felt Capell's arms twine around his back, pulling him closer, crushing their bodies together. Everything took a flying leap out of the window, just as Edward knew it would. This could be a trap for all he cared, let it be, he would fight it, he would fight anything to protect Capell, he would do anything to keep him by his side. They broke apart slowly, lips lingering on each other as they panted for air.

"I'll take that as a confirmation then," Edward said with a smile.  
"Ed," Capell actually blushed, but his arms stayed around Edward's back and he made no move to get away.  
"I love you, you know," Edward said finally, leaning forwards to press his forehead against Capell's.  
"Took you long enough," Capell snorted, a wry smile on his lips.  
"Took _me_ long enough," Edward said with a frown, "you're one to talk."  
"Touché," Capell said, leaning in to press a chaste but lingering kiss to Edward's lips, "but now that we're here, what do we do next?"

Edward sighed, too happy to want to think about it. Everything was falling back into place from the chaotic mess it had been in before. Edward's life was slowly but surely fixing itself back together again, even if he had no clue as to how or why it had happened at all. All that mattered to him right now was that Capell was willingly in his arms, loving him back.

"We take it one day at a time," Edward shrugged, hating that he was making it sound easy when he knew it wouldn't be, "if anything happens we deal with it as it comes. I'm not going to worry about something that isn't even there yet, I've spent my entire life doing that and it's never brought me anything but grief. I'm not going to waste this."

He leaned back, bringing a hand up to cup Capell's cheek, smoothing his thumb over kiss flushed lips. Capell smiled at him, a wonderful, genuine smile that made his eyes crease. Edward couldn't remember ever being this happy before. Perhaps it had simply been such a long time since he had been happy, or perhaps this was the happiest moment of his life. Both sounded horribly cliché to him, however, so he settled for his own advice.

Carpe diem.

He leaned in again and Capell let out a short, amused laugh, his eyes sliding shut as their lips met.

AN: I am so sorry this took so long to get out but I've been having some problems lately and have been in and out of hospital so haven't had much time to write. Hope this was worth the wait! I hope this was a satisfactory ending, not sure if I handled all of the reactions properly but I found this one tricky to write. I am also a hopeless romantic so it had to be a happy ending, sorry if anyone was expecting something different! There may be more, as in a sequel, but that will have to wait a while as I still have other stories to finish and ideas for new ones to start, so watch this space but it may be empty for a while.

I want to say thank you so much to everyone who has written a review for, favourite or alerted this story, your support is much appreciated and I hope you've enjoyed it! You're all the best!

Maiko x

Ps: The title of this chapter is taken from 'Porphyria's Lover' by Robert Browning (another fabulous poet you should check out if you haven't read any of his poems!)


End file.
